Midweek music....

In a moment of weakness, when the plot bunny begged very hard, I appear to have taken on a LiAW picture prompt.... actually it was more a case of "for goodness sake woman, bite the bullet and stop saying you can't" ... anyway, I now have a nice red haired kilted young Scotsman and a tall muscular blonde haired and blue eyed Viking to play with (well in my imagination)

So, I've been through my cd's and found a couple of Scottish female singers whose music will be going onto the writing sound track (along side the usual suspects of other Scottish groups I listen to).....

Books I read in February....

1. Under the Skin – Ariel Tachna and Nicki Bennett
2. Angel & The Assassin – Fyn Alexander..... I'd read some good reviews of this and technically I should have really liked it but it just didn't work for me
3. With Abandon – JL Langley
4. Collision Course – K A Mitchell
5. Exiled in Iowa. Send help, and couture – Chris O’Guinn... This was a challenge book chosen for me and a full review is on my Goodreads page
6. By His Rules – J. A Rock
7. Bareback – Chris Owen..... I may be going against popular opinion on this, but I really wasn't that impressed with this book... it seemed overly long and repetitive

This is where the Kindle died, so I had to do some re-reading .... and got through 3 of my favourites...
8. A Strong Hand – Cat Ford (r)
9. Caught Running – Roux & Urban (r)
10. My fair Captain – JL Langley (r)

11. Phoenix Rising – Kimberly Gardner
12. Falls Chance Ranch – Rolf & Ranger (online) I came across these next four through Goodreads and then their own site here... I kind of got a bit addicted and think I've read them all twice now....
13. Three Traders – Rolf & Ranger (online)
14. Mustang Hill – Rolf & Ranger (online)
15. Silver Bullett – Rolf & Ranger (online)
16. Reality Check & other linked stories – Natasha (online)
17. Giving In – Piper Vaughan.... This is the sequel to Wanting which was a freebie I adored when I read it last year and which Piper put up for the Valentines day blog giveaway at Babes in Boyland... I did enjoy it, but really wanted a story with more depth... hopefully the characters will be back in the future
18. His Hero – Anthology... This one came to me through Stumbling Over Chaos  a couple of very good stories, a couple of okay stories, and a couple I wanted to re-write....
19. All bets are off – Marguerite Labbe
20. Switch – Claire Thompson
21. A Shared Range – Andrew Grey (r)
22. A Troubled Range – Andrew Grey
23. An Unsettled Range – Andrew Grey
24. Shattered Glass – Dani Alexander - This has to be my book of the month, it's not often that a book will make me both laugh and cry, it was unpredictable, off the wall in places and a cast of really good characters - absolutely loved it.

February short story...

Better late than never :)...

My short story for the photo prompt .....>

The day was oppressively warm, with no breeze the air felt heavy.  As had become habit since we moved here a couple of weeks ago, I turned up my nose at the breakfast offered to me and wandered out into the garden.  I sat in a patch of sunshine on the patio and groomed my long ginger fur until I was sure the rest of the family had stopped watching me, before slipping quietly through the hole in the hedge. 

By sight and scent, I found Terri where I expected her to be; sitting on the ground, her back against the sun warmed bark of the old apple tree, the e-reader balanced on her knees. She didn’t notice me as I silently stalked across the lawn, my chest lowering to the grass as I moved.  I waited, my tail thrashing from side to side, then, with a chirruping “meow”, pounced playfully on the purple nailed toes that peeped out the end of her sandals.

She laughed as I rubbed my head around her ankles, then reaching forwards she pulled me onto her lap, where I continued to nuzzle her hands as she scratched around my ears.

“Good morning Cat,” she said warmly as she bent down to kiss my head. I nuzzled against her chin, breathing in her scent even as I marked her with mine.

It was too warm for us to settle into our usual positions, where I would curl up on her lap beneath the e-reader with her hand stroking gently along my back.  Instead I slipped off her knees to one side, lying full length alongside but not quite touching her leg on the warm grass; unconsciously her hand continued to stroke the soft white fur on my belly as I purred us both to sleep.

The first rumble of thunder woke us, the air charged with static that made the fur rise along my back.  It was still just as warm but the sky was no longer blue, the sun hidden by heavy black clouds.  Rising swiftly Terri scooped me up and cradled me in her arms as she ran for the back door of her house. I could feel her heartbeat hammering in her chest; she didn’t like storms anymore than I did.  As she reached for the door handle the thunder rolled again, in my head I started to count, just ten seconds later the dark sky was split suddenly by a blot of lightening.  The storm was approaching quickly.

The door wouldn’t open.  Terri hammered on it with her knuckles, but no one came.  With me still held fast in her arms, she turned away and started to run towards the far end of the garden and the shelter of the wooden summer house.  Scrambling up the shallow steps we tumbled through the open door as the first fat drops of rain began to fall. 

Her hands were shaking as she lowered me carefully to the ground.  I purred as loudly as I could as I wound my way around her ankles, trying to relieve her anxiety as well as my own with the continued touch and sound. 

The storm was getting closer, the gap between thunder and lightning growing ever shorter. 

“I can do this,” Terri’s tone was determined but I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to herself.  I sat and watched as she lifted the lid of the wooden storage box and pulled out an old picnic blanket which she spread on the wooden floor. 

Sinking down cross legged onto the blanket, she put out her hand towards me, rubbing her fingers together.

 “Come over here Cat,” I could hear the slight tremor in her voice as she spoke. Slowly I moved towards her, as I did the thunder cracked directly over head, followed instantly by a flash of lightening which for a second illuminated the summerhouse brightly.  The rain began to fall harder, sounding like a heavy drum beat on the wooden roof.  Instinctively my ears flattened out sideways, my tail hung low, twitching slightly, I ran towards her.

She pulled me onto her lap and I snuggled into the gap between her crossed legs seeking both warmth and reassurance. Although her hands caressed my head I couldn’t bring myself to purr, the ability crippled by my own anxiety.   Together we sat and silently watched the storm raging outside the window. 

After a while Terri began to fidget, her hands leaving my back and rubbing her temples, I mewed an enquiry at her.

“Headache,” she said shortly. Lifting me from her lap she slowly removed the green shirt she’d been wearing and rolled it up into a strip which she tied over her eyes to block out the sight of the lightening flashes, that still split the sky at regular intervals.  Slowly she lowered herself onto her back on the blanket and lay still.

I watched over her as she slept.  I felt some sort of connection, an attraction, to this girl; I had since the moment I first found my way through the hole in the hedge.

Maybe it was because neither of us were particularly happy.  Hells I was downright sulking at being forced to leave the home and school I loved just because my father’s firm had decided relocate him.  I’d pleaded that as I was seventeen I was grown up enough to be allowed to stay with friends to do my final year at school, but no, it was deemed to dangerous for me to be away from my family. 

I wasn’t the only one unhappy with the move.  The house we’d moved into had been the home of Terri’s, until then, inseparable best friend, the person with whom the hole in the hedge had been created.  She was angry and missing him badly, taking out her frustration by engaging in bitter arguments with her parents which invariably resulted in her being sent out to sit in the garden and calm down. 

Over the last two week’s we’d spent most days together, with me curled up on her lap whilst she read, or talked.  She’d told me of her loneliness at missing her friend, of her feelings towards her family, of past girlfriends and boyfriends, of hopes and dreams.  As she’d talked I kneaded her leg with my paws, purring gently, trying to sooth.  Part of me wanted to change form, to be able to put my arms around her and hold her, to touch her with a hand rather than a paw.

I watched her breathing become slow and even, as she fell into a deeper sleep. The longing to touch her grew within me until the desire was impossible to ignore. 

Carefully moving away from her I gathered my focus inwardly and formed an image of myself in my mind, before slowly beginning to change.  The change isn’t a painful process, but holding the image you are moving into is both difficult and tiring.  It was some minutes before the change was complete and I came to, lying on the wooden floor panting slightly.

My hair fell untidily round my head and I fought the automatic feline reaction to lick my hand and use it to smooth the hair into place as though I was grooming.  Slowly I rose to my feet and as quietly as I could began to move towards Terri.

Crouching down beside her I noticed the differences between my human and feline senses.  Her skin was much paler than I remembered, almost a porcelain white.  Her scent was still as attractive, but much softer.  As I slowly leant over her my hair fell forwards onto her chest, her lips curled into a smile but she remained still.  I froze waiting to see what she would do. 

“Hello Cat,” she said warmly, her smile widening. Her breath felt warm against my face.

“You knew?” I asked softly as I hung over her still unmoving.

Still smiling she nodded.  Her hand, which had been resting beside her head reached up towards my face and gently stroked my cheek in almost a reflection of the gesture she’d made when I was in feline form.  Her hands were soft, warmer on skin than on fur.

“Do you want to kiss me?” she asked

“Yes,” I purred as I moved towards her.

Bits and pieces post...

Today has been mostly about housework... that necessary evil that I can never get the critters to do for me.

That said, in my experience, the act of cleaning on the cat litter tray, whilst generally revolting is possibly the most grounding thing I can do... no matter how excited I get about something, or wound up for that matter, or if I blow things out of all proportion... there is always the cat litter tray to clean out...

Ok, aside from that - come deadline time I still was wavering about putting myself forward for the Love is always Write story that I had ideas for... it wasn't grabbed initially so I said I'd wait for an hour and then if not claimed I'd go for it...I'm really really glad I waited as the story was taken by Josephine Myles and given that she's one of my fav M/M authors I couldn't be more pleased I didn't go for it!

I still have the plot outline and synopsis, plus some character work, so I can always write it for myself in any event :)

This evening I had an official summons for Sunday Dinner at Mother's (yes it deserves capitals) which I remembered 30 minutes before I needed to leave - at which point I was still in dog clothes and in desperate need of a shower/hairwash... dinner was great.. though I did get the motherly glare the all three syllables of my full name said in that oh so special way for turning up a bit late!

Back to work tomorrow... weekends are too short...

Decisions, decisions.... or not in fact...

I totally suck at making decisions... I know this, I am the person who when asked what I want to eat at a restaurant or from a take away will sit staring blankly at the menu until someone basically tells me what I am having (you'd think having a more limited choice as a veggie would make it easier, but no).

So, today's big decision that I have failed totally to make... to put in a bid for one of the photo prompts on the Love is Always Write or not...

I have an idea, well, erm, I have an idea, a story outline, a brief synopsis and character names (which in itself is quite unusual for me) for one of the photos.... but... I also have reservations

I don't usually write to a timetable/deadline... I am a sporadic writer at best, probably because I am also working full time, trying to finish this professional qualification thing ... I can, when the mindset hits simply sit and write for hours/days, but there is no guarantee that will happen.... I wouldn't want to pick up the prompt and then let people down because I couldn't get the story out.

Then there is the other side of it.... can I really do this? Is my writing good enough? Now I've had a couple of people tell me that it is (including an M/M writer on the group) but, erk, I don't know...

I have till about 5 pm tomorrow (if  my time conversion skills are working) to make a decision on this.... though I have a feeling the prompt that is causing this is one that will go quickly so I will have to do something definite rather than just meander past later on and see if it's still available.

On the other hand, I could just use the prompt anyway and write the story for myself.... which whist this means no pressure and aside from my beta readers it won't see the light of day...

Ok, officially no clue what I am going to do about this, I was hoping putting this down would help make it clearer in my mind, but alas no

Unwanted attraction....

I can say quite categorically I am not really a very attractive person - I am not pretty, I am too big and I can be as abrasive as hell personality wise...(ok, I've just been told that I am being too harsh on myself.. but hey, it's my blog and it's staying)...  however, I am apparently the most attractive thing in the entire known universe... if you happen to be a small flying blood sucking insect that is!

Anything from huge great mosquitoes, via pesky midges and down to paper mites, they just have to locate me and that's it, I am, well, lunch apparently!  Ok, mosquitoes doesn't pose too much of a problem in the UK, but midges are the bane of my life from about March to October ... but currently the issue is the paper mites!

Part of my job involves sifting through boxes of papers, some of which are rather old and have been in storage for a few years.. shifting them around wakes up said mites and alas in the last week I have been rather badly bitten by the little critters... so, not a problem rally, a few little bumpy bite marks for a couple of hours then they go away, yes?

Or in my case no.... I have a totally over reactive immune system to things like this - basically my body's ability to produce histamine goes into complete over drive treats the bites as though I have the plague or something... this stems from when I was about six and out for the day with the family.  Sensibly (not) dressed in just a bikini (hey I said I was six) I was walking along the top of a dry stone wall (as you do) and I fell, sideways, off the wall, into a patch of stinging nettles...... by the time my father had fished me out of the stinging nettles, save for where I had a stupidly small amount of clothing I was covered in nettle rash... from the soles of my feet (nettle rash between your toes was possibly one of the worst places) to my face (even in my mouth - I screamed.. wouldn't you?)

Anyway, the upshot of this is, now, anything from a teeny tiny midge bite upwards and my body goes mad... where I've been bitten itches like hell, swells up and basically drives me insane... for some reason as well the little buggers always bite the bottom of my legs... which look like i've been in some sort of industrial accident at present... I have even had to resort to wearing gloves in bed!

However, it does make me smile when I can say.... it's hard being so damn attractive!!

Midweek music....

Live music has been very thin on the ground for me this year so far, okay, so I got to go see Snow Patrol the other week, but unfortunately they could not live up to the experience I had seeing Elbow the year before.

One of our local pubs has a lot of live bands on and last week I got to go see The Leisure Society, who were rather fine... so for your enjoyment, one of their tunes....

And as a complete aside from music
I am looking at the pictures and prompts on the M/M group and really wishing that I believed enough in myself and my abilities to try and write a story as one of the pics has really grabbed me, but I am too scared of letting people down but either not managing to write it or writing it really badly ... ah well, I may just write it for myself if I can't let the idea go.

Life on the spin cycle....

It comes to something when you have to resort to asking a friend to give you a virtual slap upside the head to stop you from being a complete muppet... but yes this has been done this evening.

I am not sure what made me slow down and think, but I stopped at some point today and realised that I am starting to spin way out of control (again!)...

I can't say what it was that clued me in, perhaps when I tweeted that it was either win the lottery or become a kept woman to prevent myself setting my desk on fire.....Now in reality I'd never do two of those things, firstly because I actually do love my job (ok, about 85% of the time... the other 15% I merely like it), and anyway, no one trusts me with matches.  The whole kept woman thing I wouldn't go near as even the thought brings back horrible memories of being in what I thought was a loving relationship until the penny dropped and I realised that I was only wanted there for convenience of having a live in cleaner/cook/kennel maid ........ must go buy a lottery ticket in that case...

Possibly I realised when it I was archiving stuff on the kindle and discovered that I'd been buying things without really registering that I was doing it..... I have a long reading list to get through before I buy anything else ... Oh, and then there is the whole re-reading cycle... I get glued into one book or series of books and can't seem to get out, which has been happening pretty much for the last 3 weeks.

Add to that the whole not really sleeping and then doing totally stupid things (yes, that would include the whole melting plastic episode - which if I was actually concentrating rather than living off in some other world....ok said world is inside my head... wouldn't have happened).

So yes, stop signs have been raised and thankfully I have people in my life that can be relied on for honest straight talking, and that virtual cyber slap when necessary.... I now have some serious thinking and planning to do about getting a grip back on myself.

Here we are now.... entertain us..

No, not a post to do with Nirvana at all (ok, save that I am waiting for a radio programme about Nevermind to start later on tonight)... in fact a post about dictated by my dearly beloved cats, who have been making it perfectly clear since I got home from work that my role as their worshipper, food provider and occasional scratching post is not being suitably fulfilled ...

They offer the following recommendations for any cat who finds their human is similarly failing in their only to be expected duties...

1.  Serenading... best done from a vantage point where the human cannot reach with the plant sprayer.. for example, locate yourself very firmly on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs and then sing as though your heart is breaking....for extra effect try the worried chirrup that makes it sound like you are in severe distress.

2.  Toy throwing... this works particularly well if your human is neglecting you for other four legged creatures who really should not be given house room... take the toys which are really really interesting, or loud, and throw them down the stairs... then go to the bottom of the stairs and make a huge song and dance of the fact you can't possibly reach them/take them back upstairs and despite the whole array of toys available, you just have to have that one, like, now!

3.  Bath time... now now self respecting cat would be found anywhere near a bath (though Hugo debates this as he's not adverse to joining the human in the shower, preferably via an attack on the shower curtain)... however, great fun can be had if you rip the stick on non slip bath mat from the bottom of the bath, don't pull it all the way up, just a bit at a time, fairly repeatedly, the noise will eventually get your human upstairs to investigate.... if this does not work, then a ping pong ball dropped in the bath and chased around, allowing it to clatter off the sides, works really well (watch for sneaky humans that get wise to this ploy and leave an inch or so of water in the bottom of the bath)

4.  Shelf rearrangement... it seems that most cat owning will have a bookshelf or 8... in times of high stress, particularly if your human is one of those that shelves methodically.. leaping on and off the bookshelves and removing as many books as possible to the floor is guaranteed to get you attention... some cats truly believe that Kindles and other e-readers have been designed by cat/book lovers simply to prevent this... however, such e-readers are a perfect size to sit on and block the entire reading screen if necessary.

5.  Assisting with laundry... there are two different methods for this.. If your human has a clothes airer then scaling the same, whilst carefully knocking off every single item of clothing, then making a flying leap (either at your human if they are in the room - extra points if you miss slightly and can get your claws in on the way down - or if there is no human available, try to leap from the airer onto the lampshade, then hang, again, extra points if you can dislodge the lampshade).... the other method is the daredevil hanger walk... if you human leaves clothes to dry on hangers suspended from the door frame, get on top of the door and then try to run across the row of hangers... it helps if there is something to leap onto at the other side of the run... your human is a good target (though if the run fails simply leap on them when they are not suspecting, extra points if you can hit a kidney or any other painful area).


If all of the above fail to get your human's attention, then go for the non subtle in your face approach and sit on the damn keyboard or in front of the screen, oh and don't forget, if you can get your paws up under the mouse hand, sudden attacks are appropriate.

(Yep I am apparently a bad owner because they have tried everything this evening!)

Today I have procrastinated....

I woke up this morning... (for the 3rd time... stupid me was still faffing about at about 1 am, then the dogs decided the gate banging in the wind was a burglar at about 2.30 am, and 4 am, and 6 am)....with good intentions.

Today I was going to crack on with my next assignment, after all said assignment is simply to write a letter..... ok, it has to be a technical advice letter on a legal subject that is more boring than watching paint dry and has to be no less than 1500 words (and I can just hear my tutor now sighing and e-mailing me back to remind me that this does not include what ever long addresses I choose to give the sender/recipient.... she uses my official Sunday name as well, it's quite scary...)...How hard can writing a letter be?  After all I write letters, technical ones too, every day as part of my job, I write letters to friends and sometimes for friends....

So, 10 am rolls around, switch on lap top, and read the course notes..... set out letter... and manage 8 words...8!! Well that was the first 2 hours... ok, I didn't sit and blankly look at the screen... my kitchen is tidy, the bins were changed, the yard has been cleaned, swept and bleached, the scary duster was put to good use around the downstairs....

So come 1 pm I tried again... this time also hiding the kindle, smart phone and putting the answer phone on as well.... and wrote another 14 words!

Admittedly, this afternoon I wrote nearly 2000 words on something totally different, not work or course related and which I didn't have to do at all.

I have up at 5 pm as I couldn't fool myself any longer that I was actually going to do anything productive at all today!

Oh, and the assignment is due to my tutor by Wednesday *sigh*  Must try harder!

Saturday's learning curve....

Yep, it's one of those "things I have learnt today" posts....

1.  Balancing between the kitchen chair and the worktop whilst trying to reach the top of the oven is not an easy task, particularly when not physically designed for such things;

2.  Melted plastic will not be shifted by bleached based cleaning products.... but it does have a really interesting chemical reaction;

3.  Always site your cooker under the extractor fan, just in case you decide to experiment with chemicals on your cooker hood whilst leaning over the top of it...sudden fits of coughing are not recommenced when in a precarious position, and if you do put your hand up to the top of the fridge freezer to steady yourself make sure that the blade from the mixer isn't sitting innocently where your hand lands;

4.  Do not leave the long handle broom in the hall way but put it away properly, as the cats will find a way to knock it over and lodge it against the front door so that getting in with your shopping becomes a sort of contortionist act

5.  Check what the tub of ointment you've pulled out the bathroom cupboard in the dark is before applying it... in my case, I've discovered that hair styling product is not good for psoriasis and I should stick with the aloe vera gel in future!

Further adventures in stupid...

Ah yes, well it had been a while since I'd set anything alight, or blown anything up, or fused various parts of the electrics on the house (ok, there was setting the house alarm off the other week but I swear that was not me.... no I am not sure what it was, but when I'd reset the master switches on the fuse box and switched it off it stopped)

Anyway... today I was a bit special..... in that sort of raised eyebrow way.... At some point last night I was sorting the recycling and because there are only certain types of plastic that they will take at the kerbside I'd put an old ice cream tub that would have to go into the take to the recycling centre pile on top of the eye level grill that hovers over the gas cooker so that I could clean down the work tops....

Fast forward to this evening when I get in from work very tired and hungry as in my usual state of disorganisation I'd forgotten to make myself any lunch (again.... I swear, I am actually sometimes organised, well I give off the impression anyway).  Investigations revealed that there was no bread in the bread bin, or in fact much at all in the fridge, but I did manage to locate a couple of pita breads in the bottom of the freezer, which I popped under the grill on a low setting to defrost/warm (you'll remember I have no microwave as after I blew up 3 within a year I didn't bother replacing the last one)

So, having done this, I nipped upstairs to placate the hell cats, who were protesting quite loudly, whilst balanced on the baby gate, that it was way past their dinner time thank you very much... with them fed and watered and me changed out of work clothes into dog walking kit I was about to head downstairs when I noticed a very strange smell......and then the smoke alarm went off ....

Oh grief, have you any idea how much mess an ice cream tub can make when it melts all over the top of your grill, down the vent and onto the grill pan, narrowly missing the actual (lit) grill plates.... and the smell!!!

Suffice to say my job tomorrow is going to involve balancing precariously on a chair/the work top to try and remove the mess of congealed melted plastic so that I can use my cooker again........

I might have had a couple of glasses of vodka this evening in preparation for the task...

Owning your mistakes…

A long, long time ago, in a distant galaxy.... oh no, hang on wrong post.... 

A long , long time ago when I was in that precarious stage of still being in the last year of school and having not made any decisions about what I wanted to do with my life (yep, nothing has changed there, still no clue just a lot older now!) I started work part time at my local vets … as time went by I progressed from being the general dogsbody to being an assistant nursing tech – which included helping with everything from cleaning out kennels to assisting in surgery.

I loved every minute of it, even the heartbreaking ones, and though working in a veterinary surgery was ultimately not what happened with my life I did learn a great deal which my current family of assorted critters still benefit from.  But there was one far more important thing that I learnt from my then boss, a very gruff Yorkshire man who took no prisoners and wouldn’t tolerate anything less than exceptional standards from his staff....

His advice…. If you make a mistake, own it. 

Now whilst this advice was given to me when working in a field where patients lives could be at risk if you screwed up, it’s something that has always stuck with me and something I’ve done ever since.  I’ve taken this through several places of work and for some reason it always seems to surprise my bosses that I will put my hands up and say when I’ve done something wrong.

Making mistakes is just part of being human.  I know that I am not perfect, I do screw things up sometimes and when I do I am not going to lie and hide it, or blame someone else.

I think that if I was ever asked to pass on to someone else the most useful piece of advice that I was ever given this would be it…. Yes, sometimes mistakes cost you, but ultimately not as much as the lies used to cover them up.

There is another side to this though…….as has recently been learnt by someone I thought was a friend…….. never ever try to blame me for mistakes that I have not made, it will not end well.

Midweek music for cheering me up...

I am having one of those days where I feel that I can’t open my mouth or post something online without having my head bitten off, or feeling like what I am saying is being totally misunderstood or taken completely out of context.  Where I have only hoped to help I can’t help but believe that I have only probably hurt people even more.... and it’s left me feeling really upset, mainly that I should know better than to get involved, even if I only tried to help in the first place.

Whilst this may just be me .. I am over tired, over sensitive and not a little paranoid with it today…I  just want to go hide from the world for a bit until I can go back to being anonymous and unnoticed, but I really don’t think that is an option in some places…

Oh and if I needed proof that today can in fact get worse, the bag of micro-granule cat litter I've just bought split as I was putting it in the car, going all over the driver and front passenger seats and footwells.... cos that's going to be fun to clean up in the dark tonight! 

So, I today’s music is two tracks from a band that never fails to cheer me up and who are on my “must see” list when they next come to the UK….

Short rambling on the subject of love...

Call it what you want... Valentines day or Singles Awareness Day (or hell, my best friend's birthday.. which she I am sure she would agree is much more important ;o).... today is the one day you can't get away from the subject of love....whether it be heartfelt declarations or hideous tacky pink cards with cheap flowers and chocolates attached (sorry, always seemed a hollow gesture to me... we used to try for something original).

I always see love as being at the same time the most simple thing in the world, and at the same time the most difficult and complicated thing you'll ever come across.... you can never fight as hard either for or against someone you truly love.

Now I might be single, but I remain unerringly optimistic on the subject of love and the fairytale ending of "happily ever after".... but whether you are talking about the the "in love" kind of love, or the more general love you have for someone (or something), I don't think it's possible to live without love.

That said I also know at times the hardest thing in the world can be to love yourself enough to let other people love you.  The heart gets a lot of the blame about love, but it's really only a muscle... sure there is some hormonal involvement in all types of love, but at the end of the day for me it's the mindset and mentality that leads you to love.

So whilst in my case my love is shared around my friends and family without that one "special person" I think it's still important to celebrate the fact that love is important in whatever shape or form it comes

Valentines Day Story Challenge...

A while ago I suggested a 1000 word writing challenge entitled "Hell and Love Hearts" on the YA GLBT forum on Goodreads... to be posted tomorrow, an alternative valentines day story, and this is my attempt....

The concert was nearly ending as Murmur slipped into the back of the auditorium and took a seat in the back row; the soft snick of the door closing drowned out by the string quartet playing on the spotlight flooded stage.  Technically, as a demon, he could have just materialised in his seat, concealing his arrival from the rest of the audience; but somehow that seemed, well, wrong.  As it was, no one noticed; or at least almost no one.

In the darker half of the stage, sitting on the bench seat, Luke slouched over the keyboard of the grand piano.  Long blond hair fell around his face, almost a shield between himself and the audience.  As Murmur took his seat Luke jerked upright, his head snapping round.  Vivid blue eyes scoured the audience until they focused on a fixed point.  Although he couldn’t see to the back of the auditorium, he could feel the presence of his mysterious watcher; his muse.   A slow smile crept across his face and he sighed softly before returning his focus to the instrument in front of him.

That sigh sounded like a gentle breeze in the demon’s sensitive ear and to his horror he felt a slow warmth grow from within, spreading through him and heating his cheeks.  He shook his head gently as if trying to clear it, this wasn’t right, demons didn’t blush.  For Devil’s sake, he was one of Satan’s minions, a Count of Hell. He’d stalked the depths of the netherworld and the surface of the Earth gathering souls for his master for centuries. He wasn’t some delicate warm blooded human, run by heart and hormones.

Even as he told himself this Murmur knew that he lied.  He had been drawn to his charge from the start. Instructed to bring over the talented musician’s soul for his master what had started out as simply another job had slowly grown into something else, something different, something he’d never had before.

The audience around him burst into applause, startling him from his thoughts.  Glancing at the stage he saw the members of the string quartet rise and bow to the audience before filing off the stage.  A tuxedo clad MC crossed the stage and took the spotlight.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” he announced formally.  “For our final piece this evening I am pleased to introduce you to our solo pianist, Mr Luke Shaw, an extremely talented twenty year old who this evening will give the first public performance of his debut composition, In Dreams.” 

The spotlight swept across the stage, the filter softening from white to a golden yellow as it settled over the piano, Luke’s hands now poised over the keys waiting to begin.   

The first few bars of the piece were fast paced and strangely discordant, almost jarring.  Underlying the jangling melody, a series of notes in a minor key, repeating again and again; like the stuttering heartbeat of a human in fear. 

Ignoring the startled looks from others in the audience, Murmur closed his eyes and smiled, in dreams indeed; in nightmares. 

Luke had woken screaming, tangled in the bed clothes and drenched in sweat for almost a month after Murmur had first appeared to him in his dreams.  In these nightmares, Murmur had hidden Luke’s musical gift, locking it away deep inside Luke’s mind where it couldn’t be reached.  Pale and listless, unable to hear the music that had been the heartbeat of his life, Luke had taken to wandering the streets in the dark, exhausted yet too scared to fall asleep. 

With Luke no longer able to use his musical gift, Murmur should have moved in with his offer, the price that his master demanded; the return of Luke’s musical talents for the duration of his life, in exchange for his soul and an afterlife in hell.  It never happened.

Echoing around the auditorium the music began to soften, the thrumming heartbeat slowing; the nightmare easing.

One night, lost in the nightmare and unable to focus, Luke had stepped off the pavement into the path of a speeding car.  Following him as usual, Murmur had watched as the vehicle raced towards Luke, the icy grip of a fear that he didn’t fully understand overtaking him.  He had acted without thinking.  Changing instantly to his true form and launching himself between the frail human and approaching death he had snatched him from in front of the car and with a giant sweep of his wings lifted him from harms way.

Cradling Luke’s inert body in his arms Murmur had been overcome with a strange unfamiliar feeling, the need to protect the young human.  As they flew over the city Luke’s blue eyes opened and stared directly into his; and he’d fallen. 

Yet again the music changed, becoming even lighter than before and growing sweeter.  A lullaby.

In the days and weeks after the rescue, risking the wrath of his master, Murmur didn’t leave Luke’ side as gradually he released him from the nightmare he’d created.  Slowly as his gift resurfaced from where it was hidden the bond between the demon and the young man grew.  Murmur knew he should leave, but each time he tried to pull away, to return to his fate in the netherworld, Luke would play again and, like a fish in a net, he was trapped.

Satan raged from the pits of hell, demanding Murmur’s return, seeking retribution, punishment.  The threats had no effect as long as Murmur followed the beat of the music, the beat of Luke’s heart, Hell could not touch them.  Whilst Luke played they were safe.

Long after the music ended and the audience filed out, Murmur remained in his seat, eyes still closed, listening.  Footsteps approached him and stopped, but he was not listening to them, he listened instead to the music of the accompanying heartbeat.  Opening his eyes he smiled as he looked up in to the face of the young man who had completely changed his afterlife. 

Christmas.... again!

So last night I got to go enjoy a birthday bbq.... and today, it was Christmas again :o)  Complete with tree, presents and almost Christmas dinner ..... well posh Sunday roast, in my case just lots of veg!.... oh and me making cakes at 6.30 am....

And the reason for this?  Well, you know the six degrees of separation game?  There's a version you can play which involves meeting people when travelling across the globe that come from the city I live in... and this story starts with my sister, newly graduated with a degree in politics and a job working for a large international aid relief charity... for which she was posted to the Dominican Republic (she worked for them for about 8 years in various locations around the globe - including Columbia, Haiti, Bangladesh & Bangkok... and for this reason she hates going through airports in the USA as the customs people take one look at her passport and haul her off to search her... sorry I digress)... anyway, she was set up with a flat share with someone she'd never met before (we shall call her Mary) and was working for a similar type of charity... and this person turned out to be from Sheffield too.... they got on like a house on fire and shared the house for about 3 years before floating off to different parts of the world (they have some very interesting tales of their time, some of which kind of make your hair stand on end but I guess that's just the conditions they were working in)

Some years later they both returned home, my sister first, and then Mary... both lodged with my mother till they bought their own houses and found jobs doing slightly less life and limb endangering work. Last year Mary got wanderlust again and applied for a job taking her overseas again.... and in August she flew out to the Solomon Islands to head up a project for a children's charity... she's contracted for 2 years and can only get back every six months... unfortunately she spent Christmas in hospital on her own in Australia having contracted malaria, so when she said she was back for a fortnight in Feb we decided to make it special.... oh and back to the six degrees of separation.. the husband and wife doctor team on the Solomon Islands that treated her, well they are from close by, but their son lives in my sister's street...

Now, I have to admit Mary and I haven't always got on... she came to Sheffield, stayed with mum, spent loads of time with my sister (and mum for that matter) whilst I was over in the wastelands on the other side of the country being carefully kept away from my family and any external friends ... When I returned I found it very difficult as it appeared that she was the elder daughter of the family and I was the interloping friend....... this may just have been my state of mind at the time and things have gradually improved as we've got to know one another.... but until she got the job overseas I was never really very comfortable with her... the distance has helped put a lot of things into perspective and we now e-mail each other frequently so it was really nice to see her today and catch up

I feel I have had a very busy and full weekend, which should have had a nice peaceful conclusion...... only I had an extra special klutz moment when caught my knicker elastic on the end of the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs and stumbled the last three steps before landing on my backside ....... I swear I need a minder at times!

An evening out in the cold.....

I may never be warm again!

Today it hasn't got above freezing... in fact my day started whilst trying to walk the mob without feeling in my fingers (it was -7).....  and after the sun went down this evening well, the temperature went with it.... and I have been  out to a birthday party... a bbq in fact, yes, outside, yes, in February, whilst there are still piles of snow and ice all over the back garden we were in!

Actually I had a really good time......I wasn't allowed near the bbq itself .. these people know too much about me... I could have done without one of my friends putting a snowball down my back though!

Anyway, I am off to hide under the duvet and demand that the cats hug my feet tightly till they warm up!

And tomorrow it is Christmas again....... but I shall blog about that next time.

Perils of handbags....

I am not a handbag sort of person, but a couple of years ago, badgered by my sister for carrying around all the things I needed to in pockets and grotty carrier bags I was given one of these items for Christmas... a fairly nice leather creation... (though I am sure that it's a breach of the Lesbian code and I should probably give in my card straight away).

Said handbag was chosen apparently because of my habit of carrying around the current sock in progress (which gets whipped out and a couple of rounds put on each time I sit still for five minutes when out in public.. much to my family and friends horror.... yes, knitting in pubs, cafes, friends houses... totally normal, surely?).

In a recent Friday afternoon discussion with some of the other women at work it was determined that my handbag contents were pretty unique - and that's aside from the knitting - whilst we all had the standard purse and phone combo, theirs all contained make up, mirrors and other beautification things - mine contained the Kindle, MP3 player, clicker (which is a device for dog training that makes a clicking sound when you press it - it conditions the dogs to expect a treat on the sound... it's also great fun to click in the middle of an office and watch all the heads appear over the top of the pods whilst they try to work out what it was and where it came from).... my hand bag also contained 3 teaspoons (which is quite a low number for me... seriously, somewhere there is a loop in the space time continuum between the back of peoples kitchen draws and my handbag, through which teaspoons travel at will), the knitting and a tub of vaseline (not the posh lip balm everyone else had)

Today my handbag contained something else, which I put in there before I left work and then completely forgot about when fishing for my purse in the shop...... which was unfortunate, as said object, was a large carving knife I'd taken in to work to cut the birthday cake yesterday.... I didn't bleed too much on the shopping but I've lightly sliced three fingers and a bit of the palm of my hand.

Why yes, I am a klutz, but you knew this already....

Midweek Music...

Ah tis Wednesday, the night I skive off actually thinking about what to blog about (no really, I do usually put some thought into it!)

Now you've probably gathered that my usual musical tastes run to Alternative Indie, normally at the heavier end, with a touch of folk type music thrown in for good measure (which roughly translates according to a friend of mine to "music to slit your wrists too")... so for a change, a band/singer at the slightly lighter end of the spectrum and two tunes, one from a while back and the current track, both of which have given me ear worms in recent days...

The perils of not thinking things through...

Today has possibly not been one of my best kind of days (I'd blame the continuing lurgy, but if I'm honest, nope, it was in fact just me)

Here's the thing, sometimes I'll get an idea, and it's a good idea which gets me from point A to point C without all the faffing about that usually goes on via point B... ie it seems like a bloody good idea at the time..... Yeah, well I had one of those ideas today... it seemed brilliant as these ideas often do, but alas for the lack of forethought and planning, seriously, not so much...

To cut a very long story short, en route to point C from point A I fell into a totally self manufactured hole which I then needed to dig myself out of with a great deal of tact and diplomacy, which are so not my forte....

Suffice to say I will perhaps be thinking a little more carefully in future to avoid the same occurring again....

Raise the quarantine flags... I have the lurgy...

This morning started with a small sniffle, which has grown through the day via itchy eyes, sore throat, aching bits of me that don't usually ache and the overwhelming feeling of bleurgh.... Yep, it appears I have a common or garden cold..... (no, not man flu, or anything so dramatic, just a cold)

So yes, rest, relax, drink lots of fluids..... yeah right.... run around like a loon after the critters, go into work because it's far far to busy to do other wise unless say I am dying of something infectious or perhaps have broken both my legs (seriously, just one and they'd probably send a taxi for me to get me into work).

I have to say, being poorly with something as mundane as a cold is possibly when it hits me the hardest about being on my own... there is no one to look after me, to deal with the dogs, to make sure that I am doing what needs to to get better or just to give me a hug and say I'll be ok

Oh, now I'm snivelling and sounding pathetic... shall go off to bed and, erm, cough and sniffle at the cats.....

Snowy Sunday & good neighbours...

So it snowed yesterday, we had about 4 inches in total (10 cm for those that do metric), and then it froze... as I discovered at 5 am when I got as far as the end of the drive in a somewhat overly optimistic attempt to walk the dogs... luckily grabbing the fence post with one hand and hooking my hand round the recycling bin prevented me from landing on my backside in the middle of the road (again).... and I kept hold of the leads - which is a bloody good thing or Gretchen would probably be still skipping around the local park staying out of reach.

So I then spent much of the day hiding in the kitchen and hoping that it would all go away .... I was supposed to be using my time wisely (yeah right) and doing my next assignment (a 1500 letter of advice on a particular legal matter.... they think of some really really boring things for us to do) but got sidetracked by the plot bunny and wrote about 4000 words of story instead.

This evening, I ventured out to consider the feasibility of getting the car out tomorrow morning, as opposed to having to brave public transport (shudder... I seem to have a magnetic attraction to small children when on the bus, particularly those covered in horrible sticky substances)... As I crunched down the driveway on the ice feeling very pessimistic about my prospects of driving to work tomorrow, I realised that in fact my car had been cleared of snow, and my driveway and road directly outside my house had all be cleared and then gritted!

Now, I live on a small caul-de-sac of 8 houses which is kind of a spur off another part of the street.  It's a mix of privately owned and Council/Housing Association properties and is very diverse ethnically, culturally and socially (I love it, after growing up in a predominantly white middle class area I love the mix I get living here). Of the 8 houses, there are no two who have the same family structure, ethnicity, social make up or age range.

Anyway, not knowing who had been out clearing the road I wondered next door to see my neighbour and apparently the kids on the street, as well as some others from the next street, had decided that they would clear the road for everyone because they were bored!  Sometimes it's easy to forget what good neighbours are... until presented with something this damn obvious.

So I shall be driving to work tomorrow, and on the way home I will stop at the shop and try find something nice for them all to share.

Judgement by reading material....

My Kindle has (well before I managed to at some point today completely kill it stone dead so that even after 3 hours charging, a short reboot, a longer reboot, a moan to the service desk guy called Richard and some general swearing it would only show me the screen saver..... in Richard the service desk guy's words "Ah, I think we'll just put it down as "dead from unknown causes" and send you a replacement....... yep 5 weeks it managed... I wonder if that's some sort of record?)... anyway, sorry I digress....

My Kindle had the ability for me to tweet to say I'd just read a book and to comment briefly on it... now I'd considered doing this, given that I personally have no problems with what I am reading, but then I thought of my twitter followers - including work colleagues, net friends, random dog and cat people, generally random people and the odd spam bot/person trying to sell me strange and exotic items I don't require - and I thought to myself, erm, no perhaps not...

Now is this wrong?  I am not ashamed of what I am reading... but I know that it will cause some raised eyebrows amongst some of my followers, particularly those who came from a website for children's books, some of which are also quite, well, narrow minded. Whilst they might tweet about the latest chick lit/GO or other book (slow cooker recipes it was last week) I just read it and think not for me and move on, I wonder how many would perhaps investigate the books I was reading and it cause a raised eyebrow or worse?.... It shouldn't really matter what someone else is reading, and conversely I shouldn't care about what someone else thought of my reading material, which is making me feel a bit conflicted, possibly even disloyal to the genre I am reading the most of at present.

I firmly believe in the philosophy of "my kink is not your kink, but I have no problems with your kink" which I think can be applied to all aspects of a persons life rather than just on the whole kink referring to BDSM or any other lifestyle.... and probably because I am extremely broad minded and insatiably curious (read as nosey if you wish) about well, almost anything that might pique my interest, I do tend to look into things, research, consider and sometimes experience things that perhaps others would shy away from.

I would also never judge some one for what their "kink" was.... even if it was down to simply reading material.  The problem I have though is a, possibly unfair, thought of... but what if they are judging me... until I work out not whether they are judging me but whether I actually give a toss that if they are I shall just keep my reading material to myself (oh, and blog readers, and Goodreads followers, and anyone who ever visits my book room....)

Shall we talk about the weather...

Dangerously long icicles at the front of the house last year,
very useful for keeping small children out the garden

Ok, it was going to happen sooner or later... I'm British, of course it was.... it's only to be expected!

For the last few days it's been below zero here, night and day, but thankfully dry.... but... we have a weather warning... 10 cm of snow expected between 2 pm tomorrow afternoon and midnight......Right, stop laughing at the whole 10 cm thing, yes I know it's absolutely nothing compared to the snowfall other people get.. but here's the thing... the UK, people and infrastructure cannot do snow, at all, ever, even a light dusting of the stuff.  Everything will grind to a halt, schools, businesses, sporting events will be cancelled, the bus service will pack up, trains will break down..yes, that bad.

Now I learnt to drive, thanks to the patience and probably prayers of my father who bravely lent me his car, in the Peak District... which is extremely hilly, has small very windy roads, often one car each way at a time, and doesn't believe in winter weather gritting or clearing.... (things get too bad they just shut the roads).  Most of my driving career was then spent in Lancashire where, being on the west side of the country it doesn't really do snow (rains a lot mind)... About 2 cm of settling snow would send everyone into a tail spin and get us all sent home from work early... apart from me who could quite happily hang on till it got to top of my shoes.

Coming back home I remembered very quickly that this side of the Pennines, when it snows it usually means business... last year we had a couple of foot of the white stuff and everything ground to a halt... (I did have a nice snow man in the front garden though)  the temperatures of -10 or so didn't help.... If it snows tomorrow I will be prepared! On the way home from work I went a stocked up on essentials... well, cat food, cat litter, filled the dog's freezer... I know my priorities! and am now just waiting to see what happens tomorrow.... we could all be snowed in ... but...

Chances are it will pass us by ... Kammi hopes so, she's little and white, she gets lost in deep snow....

Work related whining...

Working in the legal field you come across a wide variety of people - both in terms of clients and the people you work with (whether they are in the same firm, on the opposite side or in Court).  Now save for in Court (where you have to mind your P's and Q's - Judges are addressed as Your Honour, then Sir/Madam, unless they are a master, and then they are addressed as Master, even if they are female... ) I have a tendency to address everyone exactly the same way... whether it's a senior partner or the post room runner... in my mind you treat everyone respectfully, politely and professionally...

In return I kind of expect the same thing....which to be honest you usually get from outside your own firm... ok there is the odd unprofessional moment... like the sudden marriage proposal I got from an opponent when I phoned to say that a Court hearing wasn't going ahead wasn't something I expected....

So year end approaches, and within the firm those people with financial targets are getting edgy, and probably taking it out on people lower down the food chain.... now whilst the area I work in involves actually getting us paid (yes, I haggle over large amounts of money for a living... not totally accurate, but the job I do in the legal profession is a fairly small field so I am not going to put the actual job title down because I whine too much about work on this blog... ) I am not responsible for actually writing the damn cheques, or ensuring that money is received.... Unfortunately, some people can't see it this way and whilst year end means that tempers are frayed surely it's not on to take it out on someone else?  It isn't as though it's the actual people with the targets that are being rude, but in the last two days I have been talked down to and had stroppy and downright rude e-mails from junior assistants, who are basically jumped up secretaries.

Now I would let this wash over me, but my tolerance levels are not high right now and uncivil behaviour really raises my hackles..... this final quarter is going to be sheer hell I know it is, and I can see myself having to gag myself to stop myself from ranting back and possibly sit on my hands to avoid replying to e-mails without thinking about it.

I shall keep repeating to myself, I am a nice person really, I will not stoop to their level, I will let the stress wash over me.... and then I might treat myself to a large vodka...

Midweek Music - definitely no mumbling

It's pretty well established that I have music playing when I am awake (and sometimes asleep but that's more accident than design....).  One of the things I use music for is to clear my head of thought's I'd rather not be having, or to get me out of a particular mindset, or calm down for that matter.  Now as much as I will pretty much listen to anything, sometimes my brain just demands "loud" music... which leads me to one of my favourite bands.  Most people will only know of the last album (ok, possibly the one before two) as they've only really hit mainstream in the last 3 - 4 years... The first album of theirs I picked up was the second and I've been a stupidly obsessed fangirl ever since.

The band is Biffy Clyro... and these are a couple of my favourite tracks from more recent (and some would say more friendly) albums....

ok, and a couple from older albums...