What I read in August...........

Wow, August is over already! That's kind of scary!

Autumn will soon be here....

So, this month, there was reading... but for a long month strangely not an awful lot......... mind you I have caught up on just about all the LHNB stories and found some stuff on line to read..... plus I've been doing a fair bit of writing which has used up quite a lot of my free time.

So, my favourite this month, that probably has to go to Downtime by Tamara Allen - a really well done time slip mystery that stayed true to the Victorian period in which it was set.  I have another of her books waiting on the Kindle for next month.

Runners up I think go to Bullheaded by Catt Ford and Sweet Young Thang by Anne Tenino (which I think is the strongest of the books in this series and the Greek societies names make me chuckle when you just take the initials - though I am only assuming this is intentional) 

Special mention to Rider - which I buddy read - it's not really an M/M romance as such as it doesn't have a happy ending but it is a really well written mystery story 

1.                Camwolf – J. L. Merrow

2.                Morning Report – Sue Brown (r)

3.                Wild Raspberries – Jane Davitt

4.                A Dish Served Cold – Andrew Ashiling - This was on my Kindle for ages, it's not an easy read, violent and dark in places, the world building is good and the epilogue just makes the whole thing.

5.                Forever, I Promise – Lily Grace (LHNB Story, novella length)

6.                We’re Both Straight, Right? – Jamie Fessenden

7.                A Solid Core of Alpha – Amy Lane - This was my Pick It For Me challenge book - now I am no stranger to Amy Lane's books - but this one hadn't really ever registered as being potentially to read, though I do do sci-fi books generally.  It was both interesting and enjoyable with the expected level of character torture and yet again a "spot the author" moment....

8.                Midnight in Berlin – J. L. Merrow

9.                Rider – Peter Merrigan

10.            This Young Stud – Sean Michael - This series I've nicknamed "Hammer light".... enjoyable fluff but I really hope that they move away from the "hopeless twink" in every story!

11.            The Case of the Cupid Curse – Amber Kell & RJ Scott

12.            Complicated – JJ Cassidy (LHNB Story, novel length)

13.            The Loadstar of Ys – Amy Rae Durreston (LHNB Story, novella length) - Probably one of my favourites of the LHNB stories this year - fantasy with a very Celtic feeling to it

14.            Meet me in the Middle – L. A. Whitt - this is the 3rd in the "closer you get" series and a nice light fairly low drama read.

15.            Sweet Young Thang – Anne Tenino

16.            Downtime – Tamara Allen

17.            Bullheaded – Catt Ford

18.            Blacker than Black – Rhi Etzweiler - I struggled with this one for some reason, it's beautifully written and a really interesting take of vampire society but I found it difficult to connect with the main character and narrator.

19.    Ty Hard (Willow Springs Ranch) - L.E. Harner
20.    Isle of Wishes - Sue Brown

So on to next month - when between the Scavenger Hunt, monthly challenge, pick it for me challenge and general reading I appear to have a list of about 20 books to get through already picked out for me!!

Saturday song.........

I heard this band do a live session on the radio and just loved this song.....There is something about the woman's voice that makes me go all tingly and get goose bumps......

The continuing saga of the somewhat accident prone........

Or.... erm.... oops....

Okay, cast your minds back about, oh, a month or so, to the morning when Hope used my knee as an emergency brake by applying her head to it whilst running flat out towards me....... yep, you remember that?

Well, for a couple of days after my knee was very stiff and sore and made an impressive clicking noise whenever I walked........ then something went pop and it seemed better........ or at least as better as a knee belonging to an arthritis riddled person gets.......

But...... it was all a bit painful, and my back started aching a lot more when I was walking.... and the knee would occasionally lock up or give way for no real reason..... but hey, you know, falling apart here, it' just part and parcel of it......

Only apparently it wasn't.....

Bring your minds to this morning, as I am arising from the sofa after having got an extra hour or so snoozing time after a stupidly early dog walk..... okay, so slightly before the arising part I was rudely awakened by Gretchen digging her paw into my eye socket.... not a recommended method of waking up!

I put my feet to the floor and stood, and twisted slightly................ and there was an almighty crack from my right knee....... and I thought I was going to throw up as something definitely moved in the area ........ Once I'd recovered slightly I discovered that all of a sudden I could walk much more easily...  and my back wasn't hurting........ I phoned my doctors surgery who suggested that the practice nurse might want a look at it.... and pootled off there this evening........ I am strapped up around my knee at present...... to .... erm.... prevent my right knee cap from dislocating/slipping sideways again whilst the ligaments in my knee reset themselves to where they are actually meant to be, rather than where they have been for the last month.......my doctor is kind of horrified and not a little impressed that I've been wondering around for about a month on a partially dislocated knee without realising it........ he did suggest I tried resting it ... then thought about it and just told me to carry on.......

In which I mumble about taking days off.........

I did something at work today that I am feeling a bit, I don't know, undecided about........ and the stupid thing is, it's not something I've done wrong, or that I shouldn't have done.. in fact it was something I should have done, kind of... yeah, this is not making sense is it...

Okay, so as part of my contract I have 24.5 days annual leave each year - well actually 25 but the office is shut on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, and the whip half a day off your leave entitlement for that.....i normally carry over 5 days from the year before - which is the maximum allowed - and takes me to 29.5 days a year... now because next week, on Wednesday to be exact, I will have been with the firm for 5 years, I am rewarded... by being given a further 3 days leave a year........ so now we are up to 32.5 days...... and up to today I had used, erm, about 8 days....... and it's now nearly September...... leaving me 4 months to use up the rest of my days off or lose them.

The trouble is, when I take time off i do nothing, well, nothing productive, or vaguely holiday like... I mope around at home spending the first couple of days panicking about what I left on my desk and the last couple of days panicking about what will be on my desk when I get back....... overall I usually end up so stressed out the holiday isn't really worth having.

But, after promising that I would take steps to make time for myself to relax I've booked myself a whole week off starting on 16th September........now that was fine......... it's been booked for a while..... but today, talking to my colleague (who sadly because she's had such a crap deal after she returned from maternity leave probably isn't going to be my colleague for much longer) it was pointed out that I've not actually had a long break over Christmas for the last 4 years as I've always worked the whole way through..... she prodded a bit and before I knew it, I'd put in a leave request so that I will finish work on 20th December and not return until 2nd January .... now that's a lot of days off!  It hasn't been approved, but no one else has booked the time yet either.

I am not sure how I feel about doing it though.  My family are local, I don't have children to make Christmas extra special for - and I won't spend too much time with my family (the joys of being an antisocial cowbag  - I can only tolerate family/friends for extended period with lots of breaks between contact or I get majorly stressed out - the only exceptions to this are those friends and family who know that if they visit they help themselves and let me have alone or quiet time).  The others in my team have families across the country, or children, and this is where the guilt kicks in - am I depriving them of a chance enjoying their Christmas break....

Part of me is seriously thinking about cancelling the days off, or at least some of them, so that others can take the time off.... but then again I suppose I'm as entitled to them as much as anyone else... I hate this, I don't want to upset anyone, or rock the boat, but I am not really prepared for it to be a case of I will work over Christmas because I always have done........ maybe I should work just one or two days........ or maybe.... oh I don't know...  And I've still got to fit in another 10 days worth of holiday....

And I can't even believe I am thinking about Christmas already!  That said, mum has started dropping large and unsubtle hints about what she'd like and my sister is talking making things for the Christmas fayre...... schools will be going back next week........ before we know it the nights will be getting longer ..... okay, no enough, I am still happily in summer mode thank you very much.......

A week in one post ....

Some weeks I am a really bad blogger - okay, so yes, some days are really boring and nothing happens... but a whole week...

So, casting my mind back.... Monday and Tuesday were boring......... it got more interesting on Wednesday when I had my weekly "talk about myself" session with my counsellor.... the week before we'd been talking about my apathy towards doing tasks of homework he'd assigned - and what would encourage me to do it........ I managed to make him blush by my response of "it's not like you are going to spank me if I don't do it.".... roll on a week and I find myself in a weird conversation about consent and acceptable behaviour in adult relationships........ I didn't get any home work... but I think he was off to research some of the things we'd been talking about!

Wednesday night, there was a full moon..... and my inner lunar phasing were-red panda (yeah, no, don't ask) was spectacularly affected by it and sleep disappeared right off the agenda.  Thursday night wasn't much better - not helped by the fact that Hugo turned feral in the middle of the night and attacked me as I was wandering towards the bathroom ..... it's a good job my clothes always cover my upper arms as I have four very long straight scratch lines down the inside of my left arm - which look just like I've been self harming with a razor.......  There's also a good scattering of claw marks across my chest as well......... the mantra of "I love my cat, no really, I do love my cat" was repeated several times.....

The end of the week was boring in comparison.  Yesterday I had a "day off" where I did nothing but read and relax which was desperately needed.  Today has been back to more typical things...... including a visit to mum's with my lap top to sort out some books she wanted for her Kindle....

Now I use Chrome and have a habit of opening several windows at once and flipping about.... I'd finished with what I was doing for mum and shut down the Amazon tab and headed upstairs for something.  As I got to the top of the top of the stairs a voice came from the kitchen...

Mum - "What does NSFW mean?"
Me - "not safe for.... mum, don't..... "

I couldn't get back downstairs fast enough............

Yeah, my Goodreads groups... NSFW pictures... my 75 year old mother .... *sigh*

That took some explaining........ particularly the ones from the BDSM group she found...... oh no, not what I was doing with them.... but what they were doing in the pictures..........

really there are some things that no matter how old you and your parents are you never, ever want to have to explain to them...........

Tonight I have been out for a family meal.......... at which she decided to tell my sister and her partner about what I have on my computer..........

I am very thankful tomorrow is a public holiday here - I need it to recover from today!

Saturday song.........

This tune has been played a few times on the radio station that I listen to and I really like it, so I thought I'd share....

Okay, going back to plotting a very silly story about a rabbit shifter lost to spring fever and ending up in a hutch and about to be castrated........ yeah, I know, don't ask....

The good, the bad and the highly amusing....

Three things for today.....

The good - I got home from my appointment with my counsellor in my usual rather over emotional post talk about myself state to find that the postal fairy had visited, sending me a parcel of chocolaty goodness from over the other side of the Atlantic .... that cheered me up immensely.

The bad - I opened the back door to let the dogs out into the run a while ago... there was a thunk as one of them hit the railings, then silence......which in itself is unusual as Gretchen can be quite a gobby little shite at times... five minutes later there was still silence, and the three girls were outside but Ivan had come in and was stressing slightly.  Five more minutes and I was starting to get suspicious...... when Kammi ran in covered in feathers....... not a good sign..... I legged it outside to find that Gretchen and Hope were taking raw feeding to the ultimate limits and were in the process of disemboweling a pigeon in the middle of the run.  Feathers everywhere!!  Gretchen wasn't keen to give up her prize - I can only assume it either crashed into the kitchen window and dropped in the run (it's happened before), or it was too slow in flying out the run when I opened the door to let the dogs out - but I got it away from her and tossed it down the bottom of the garden where I am sure either the fox or the badger will be grateful for a snack later. The feathers were bloody everywhere though and I shall now have to de-worm and de-flea all the dogs before bedtime!

The highly amusing - I hate spending post counselling evenings alone, so I pottered off to mum's for tea... after which we were sitting in the lounge talking and I had one of those impressive brain to mouth fails... it went something like this...

Mum - Do you know what ATM stands for
Me - Yeah, sure, arse to mouth
Mum - what?
Me - Arse to mouth, where you put something in one first then the other.  Normally dick or fingers. You get it a lot in porn and erotica.
Mum - Really? Are you sure?
Me - yes, definitely
Mum - (vaguely) okay
Me - why (yeah, still wasn't really concentrating)
*sound of rustling papers*
Mum - it doesn't fit
Me - sorry what? (at this point my brain finally catches up with my mouth)
Mum - ATM, definition... that was the crossword clue
Me - oh, erm, I think you want cash point for that one.........
Mum - Oooh, of course *sound of scribbling* So, the other definition
Me - is that the time, really, I need to go home.........

Therapeutic baking for relief from idiots.........

I think everyone probably has coping strategies to deal with when they need to calm down......... I resort to two .... serious knitting that I have to concentrate on to the extent where I must block out everything else or I go very wrong (for this I have a nice lace weight shawl I've been knitting forever)........ or baking........ 

Tonight there has been baking..... I was meant to be baking a cake for a colleague's 30th birthday anyway...... but I was pissed off so I might have got carried away so rather than a nice simple cake colleague now has a triple layer chocolate cake with vanilla butter cream and giant buttons....=>

I do usually default to cakes when I need to calm down (or cookies, or flapjack...)... but by the time it's made I am (a) calm and (b) not wanting to eat any of the sweet cakey goodness but seriously jonesing for something with lots of garlic and chilli.

Anyway, the reason for today's excessive baking was caused by a relatively new colleague who came to work with a streaming cold and then got huffy because they were told to stay far far away from my part of the office...... apparently "it's only a cold" and I was "being stupid".........

Now I don't usually go into tonnes of detail with anyone I am not close friends with about the fact that my immune system is compromised and what might be "only a cold" to them could end up with me being seriously ill but I'm afraid I let rip after being calmly informed that their cold apparently was terrible, they were really poorly but that even if I got it then it wouldn't be any worse for me than it would for them ....... they got rather more than they bargained for ...... a description of what it's like when your body basically decides to reject itself, your immune system goes on overdrive and starts attacking you and what life is like when you have to take antibiotics on long term basis...........they even a glimpse of the horrible lower leg where the lymphatic system doesn't work anymore (which is usually covered up with a floor length skirt)..... despite all this they didn't get it at all....... and eventually wondered off muttering about how over dramatic I was being.......  My team leader told me after she thought I'd been remarkably restrained and would be sending an e-mail to the colleague's team leader asking him to "have words".......... 

I hate being different to look at.  I hate that my body doesn't work properly.  I hate that I don't get to have a day without some form of pain or another.  I hate having to explain about these things to idiots who don't even try to understand.  Gah... stupid people...... I may go bake some more.......

Ouch - but it wasn't actually my fault this time........

I know I am quite, erm, well, very maybe, accident prone.  But sometimes it's isn't actually down to my own actions.  This week I've come to the conclusion that my critters also should come with some sort of warning........ probably a health warning......... maybe something along the lines of "spending time with these animals can have severe affects on your mental and physical health"

Let us roll back to, erm, Wednesday morning.......... when I was stumbling around the park at stupid o'clock ... now I had Kammi and Gretchen on their leads and had let Ivan and Hope off to hurtle around and get rid of some of their excess energy (I only ever let two off at once, and well, Gretchen never goes off lead as she'd be off at high speed and I'd never see her again.... and that's after extensive training... she will re-call in doors, just not outside ... little swine)..... Anyway, I called them back to put them on their leads before we got to the road and they headed straight to me, in Hope's case a little too straight and a lot too fast... She'd obviously forgotten where the brakes were..... and ploughed straight into my right knee, head first.. and she's got a very hard head!

I managed to get us home safely, by which time it was starting to swell a bit so I took some pain killers, slathered on some arnica cream and hobbled off to work..... during the day my knee got quite a lot more colourful and developed a great double clicking noise when I walked.......  That evening I iced it and by the next morning the swelling had gone down and the clicking stopped...... but something wasn't quite right and it kept locking up and getting quite painful to walk on.... I was seriously considering perhaps I should go get it looked at when, at about 5 am yesterday morning as I was reclining on the sofa having persuaded the dogs it really was too early to go out, Kammi went to jump on me and as I twisted to avoid her landing somewhere sensitive I twisted my right knee......... and almost screamed........ as something went "clunk" very loudly........ I lay there for a while psyching myself into getting up and when I eventually did, discovered that actually it was all a lot better....I talked to my dad about it (he's an osteopath) and he had me do some poking and prodding of the area..... upshot is, it looks like I might perhaps have been walking around with a partially dislocated kneecap for most of the week......

As if that wasn't enough excitement, Hugo decided yesterday that he needed attention, and leapt towards me for a cuddle, as I was sitting on the edge of the bath about to get in the shower...... he missed, kind of, his claws didn't, and as I wobbled dangerously close to falling backwards over the edge of the bath tub he caught me from bust downwards, straight across one nipple, my stomach, including just inside my belly button, and down my right thigh, with just about every claw he has in his possession........ So, I now have, to add to the currently greenish yellow coloured kneecap, an impressive set of scratches, which have bruised in places all down my front...........

There's also a huge bruise on my arm....... but I haven't got a clue how that happened........ I think I probably did something straight forward...... like walking into the door.......

Kitten's are the answer........

Some days, when even chocolate and comfort reading isn't cutting it, kitten pictures are the answer

even pictures of ugly kittens........... these are some of my two monster's relations.....

Hugo still likes to play with his balls in the bath tub
on a hot day
no not those type of balls.... ping pong balls

Check those wrinkles!

The time any sphynx owner is happiest
when their cats are asleep!

No, honest, we weren't
we are far to young to do anything naughty

Back to school ..... apparently....

Hmmm, well it's been a week since I properly updated on life in the mad house with added critters, so what has been happening.....

Well to be honest not a lot......... I had a minor melt down towards the beginning of last week brought on by a combination of feeling very lonely post visitors leaving, having a busy time of it at work whilst feeling completely unappreciated (particularly discovering that my team leader had taken all the credit for all of the work done to deal with files when people in the team had left/gone on maternity leave - which is utter bollocks but I can't really evidence this and anyway it's too late now), then a mutual friend of myself and the ex told me all about how she'd met up with the ex who had told her all about how she'd had to take her wife's bank cards from her as she couldn't manage her money - which triggered some major flashbacks as this was how the abuse started with me - and all of this finally led to me having a complete tears & tissues session with my counsellor..... after all that I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide for a couple of months.

I think the whole thing in the counsellor was to do with the fact we've been working on making me like myself enough to take care of myself........ it's started with small things that I want to do (or in some cases should have done months if not years ago) and some things he suggested I do....... but we've been at this a couple of months now and I've started trying to do bits and pieces, and with all the negatives, I just couldn't see the point.  And the problems with negatives, you find one, and sure enough before long if you think carefully you can find loads more....... and suddenly everything gets very negative and you start to wonder what the hell the point is and why you are bothering.

I am still going to keep working on stuff, I have no intention of giving up, but at times it all gets a bit bleak.  For this reason I am back to weekly "talk about myself" sessions until I can work myself out of the current trip through the darker parts of my mind.

One of the other things my counsellor wants me to think about is ways to get out and meet more people - I was telling him how much I loved going to the recent UK meet - and he has suggested that I might want to do an evening class ..... "suggest" is such a misleading word for the directions I was given.......

I've been told that perhaps basic home electric maintenance and welding would perhaps not be a good idea (though certain European friends did say it would be fine, if I set the UK alight the channel would save them!).... I considered the Furniture Making for Women course - but really, me and hammers, perhaps not... I am not allowed to do anything which is work related (which I think also rules out accountancy or book keeping... which would probably send me to sleep anyway).  Someone suggested that I take a course in witchcraft - but I can't find one locally.... And that leaves me with potentially a language course - probably German or Spanish (I studied French, Latin and Ancient Greek at school). Oh I don't know... I am leaning towards learning German and making my online friends in that neck of the wood help me... a lot!

I need to put a list of possible courses I've researched (complete with times, venues, start dates, prices etc) together for Wednesday............ There is temptation to find the something really frivolous - like the cake decorating ...... or nail technology..... is quite high.  I considered a writing course....... but I have an idea that the course tutor may not appreciate my tendency for everything I write to disintegrate to smut in the end.


In other news, summer is apparently over and it is the season for ducks......... and for the invasion of every damn spider in the universe into my house which makes the nightly spider hunting of the felines into a huge production of epic proportions which I do not appreciate (mind you, not keen on the spider that likes to hang over my bed waving two of it's legs at me either....)