Weekend in a nutshell....

I have a new bookshelf!  Which is possibly the highlight of my day....

Yesterday I was grown up and went and did "ladies who lunch" followed by a trip to the theatre - ok, so that wasn't so grown up as it was to see the musical of Swallows & Amazons... which was really rather excellent and given that it is one of my favourite children's books (well series of children's books) I had been a bit kind of "erk" about it before I went.... What was interesting from where we were perched on the slip seats of the 1st tier in the Lyceum was the diverse age range of the audience.

As expected there were lots of children (with parents/guardians etc) but there were also a lot of older people... ie older than me people in groups, with friends, with other family members which was really nice to see and appreciate that a good book can span the generations, I could easily imagine some of the older people enjoying the books as children then passing them down to their own children/nieces/nephews/grandkids etc.... I think for me, if I was a proper author, that sort of longevity of a piece of work would kind of be the icing on the cake over and above any instant best seller lists/popularity at time of publishing achieved.

Today I was meant to do some work for my course... instead I appear to have read 3 books and been out and purchased a new bookshelf..... which given that bar about 3 books all the books I have bought this year have been for the (Smut)Kindle seems a bit optimistic.... but the evil cats from hell started throwing things off the top shelf of the book case next to my computer so I decided that it would possibly be a good time to reshuffle the books again.....

New book case is in the bedroom... so now just have to decide what genre is going to joint M/M and fantasy in there......

"In my opinion"....

Last year I got into a bit of an argument with the tutor on my course regarding my assignment to do with professional ethics... mainly because the question started "In your opinion".  I presented her with my opinion, complete with reasoning, case law, statute etc to back it up.... trouble was, she didn't agree... oh, not with the work I'd put in but with the actual opinion..... so I appealed her grading on the grounds that as the entire piece was written on the basis that it was my own personal opinion then technically it couldn't actually be wrong.... I won the appeal and got it re-marked....... though I do have a new tutor this year!

Now, here's the thing.... around and about the net I see the words "In my opinion", or even "In my humble opinion" (though yeah, right as soon as I see that I can visualise the little soap boxes being dusted off) all the time.  I have no problem with this, everyone has the right to their own opinion.  You don't need to agree with someone's opinion, you could in fact have a completely opposite opinion, but that doesn't mean you have the right to either shout them down as being completely wrong and therefore their opinion is invalid, or that you shouldn't listen to them at all.  It's a matter of courtesy... you listen, you disagree (politely!) and you walk away.... as an example, one one of the dog forums I used to visit they are very into the "human is the leader of the pack" method of training..... I don't agree with this, that's fine, I am happy to disagree....

So to tie this in with my hate of labels.... recently I have seen people use the fact that due to their gender, race, sexuality, religion (or any other minority type label they can attach to themselves) that their opinion must be more valid than someone who does not tick as many boxes as they do on the label menu..... no sorry, your opinion is your opinion... sure I will listen to your opinion and may give more weight to it when assessing my own opinion if you've got experience in a certain area... but I still maintain the right to disagree and have my own opinion... which likewise I would never expect anyone to be forced to agree with

Hell I even have opinions on things generally that I would never consider personally... I have opinions that possibly disagree with the opinions people think I should have because of a particular box on the label spectrum that they think that I should tick...

So having dusted off my own soap box and ranted for a bit I shall return to my own little bubble, forming my own opinions and listening to other peoples opinions......  I am sure that anyone passing by to read this will probably have their own opinions too.....

Snowy Sunday & good neighbours...

So it snowed yesterday, we had about 4 inches in total (10 cm for those that do metric), and then it froze... as I discovered at 5 am when I got as far as the end of the drive in a somewhat overly optimistic attempt to walk the dogs... luckily grabbing the fence post with one hand and hooking my hand round the recycling bin prevented me from landing on my backside in the middle of the road (again).... and I kept hold of the leads - which is a bloody good thing or Gretchen would probably be still skipping around the local park staying out of reach.

So I then spent much of the day hiding in the kitchen and hoping that it would all go away .... I was supposed to be using my time wisely (yeah right) and doing my next assignment (a 1500 letter of advice on a particular legal matter.... they think of some really really boring things for us to do) but got sidetracked by the plot bunny and wrote about 4000 words of story instead.

This evening, I ventured out to consider the feasibility of getting the car out tomorrow morning, as opposed to having to brave public transport (shudder... I seem to have a magnetic attraction to small children when on the bus, particularly those covered in horrible sticky substances)... As I crunched down the driveway on the ice feeling very pessimistic about my prospects of driving to work tomorrow, I realised that in fact my car had been cleared of snow, and my driveway and road directly outside my house had all be cleared and then gritted!

Now, I live on a small caul-de-sac of 8 houses which is kind of a spur off another part of the street.  It's a mix of privately owned and Council/Housing Association properties and is very diverse ethnically, culturally and socially (I love it, after growing up in a predominantly white middle class area I love the mix I get living here). Of the 8 houses, there are no two who have the same family structure, ethnicity, social make up or age range.

Anyway, not knowing who had been out clearing the road I wondered next door to see my neighbour and apparently the kids on the street, as well as some others from the next street, had decided that they would clear the road for everyone because they were bored!  Sometimes it's easy to forget what good neighbours are... until presented with something this damn obvious.

So I shall be driving to work tomorrow, and on the way home I will stop at the shop and try find something nice for them all to share.

Sitting on my hands.....

I am in that difficult situation of having to sit on my hands and not type a response I'd like to to a comment on a thread on the Goodreads YA LGBT group... I didn't think it bothered me, turns out, after 24 hours or so of thinking it through.. you know what, actually it does....

The book of the month for February looks like, for the first time, being a F/F one rather than an M/M one - which given that the group is all inclusive should be fine.  Ok, I appreciate that some may not have read an F/F book before, may feel a bit iffy about it, or may sit out .... that's up to them.... though as it's YA it's not going to be explicit or possibly do anything but fade out an implied incident.

What I didn't expect was a comment as follows:  "Lesbians make me nervous"

Now because I couldn't leave it initially I responded by saying that as a lesbian I wasn't sure how to take that (and pointed out that I don't think I'm particularly scary).... now the original poster clarified that he didn't mean to offend, and well, no, he didn't because if lesbians make him nervous that's a personal statement not a ground for offence and then went onto explain that basically the only lesbians he knew were quite fierce butch ones  (as an aside - I did point out that some butch type lesbians actually make me nervous... but probably not in the way he means!  that said groups of children hanging about on street corners make me nervous, straight men in bars make me nervous)

Anyway, someone else then responded that maybe only the fierce ones felt safe (in that particular area) being out enough to be recognised .....and this is what has got me thinking WTF and wanting to respond...... "recognised" sorry.. do we have to have some sort of sign on us to enable us to be recognised in public settings?  I didn't think we were going down the route of having to identify your sexuality by your appearance... hell just stick a label on someone why don't you so you can "recognise" them if they don't fall into the "oh you must be a lesbian because of the way you look" category!

Unsurprisingly I know a fair few lesbians, only a very small percentage of which could be described as butch - many of which are what actually very young just out lesbians who aren't fierce at all... but you know what, most of the rest of us look just like, well, most other females you come across.....

Not being funny... but if someone had suggested that it was a pity that only effeminate gay men had the confidence to be out and "recognised" I am sure someone would have made noises about it.......

As much as I'd like to stand up and point out that actually the comments are giving people perhaps the wrong idea about stereotyping and labelling, I can't help but feel that the location of the thread would be inappropriate for me to start what would be really a mini rant...... though then again, any young lesbian coming across it may be put off..... argh, I wish I could decide what to do for the best, until then I shall go back to sitting on my hands......

Hoping......

With the new lunar year starting Friday, I thought that I'd bypass the usual midweek music and set out some of my hopes for the next 12 months.  These aren't resolutions, I don't make resolutions as in the past I've found I am just setting myself up to fail.  They also aren't really just about me.

I hope that my family and friends are happy, healthy and that they obtain or achieve all that they wish for.  In particular, that my father's doctors find a treatment that helps him or, if not, that he can remain pain free during his final illness.  I also hope that I can accept that what ever will be will be with dignity and that if things come to the worst that I remember that at least the pain and suffering will be over.  I hope as well that I can support my mother and sister through whatever the outcome.

I very much hope that one friend manages the addition to the family she really wants, that another finds her way out of the darkness she has been struggling with and can work towards the light and move forward with her life, in which ever direction is best for her.  I hope my half daughter finishes her final year of school in the summer and finds something she wants to do with her future, even if that is not straight away.  I hope that I am able to continue to offer what ever support I can to my friends.

I hope that I am able to continue interacting with my net friends and family, and that when I do touch their lives I do so lightly and without ever causing them upset or distress.

I hope to continue to mentally grow and learn more, particularly in relation to LGBT*Q issues, and to be able to offer whatever support I can where needed.

gradual changes....

Am on a bit of an icing sugar high this evening having just finished making rainbow cupcakes (which look a little like the ones in the picture, but really, seriously, not as posh!)

Now, the reason for a sudden outbreak of cupcake baking (particularly given I've a shed load more to make over the weekend) is that tomorrow I have an LGBT Diversity Group meeting, and it's the third anniversary of the group.

Which got me thinking to how much this group has come to mean to me in the last three years, and how I very nearly didn't even join.

Three years ago I was, frankly, a complete mess.  I'd been with the firm a couple of months, I'd been in my new house (not to mention new city) about a month, and I was slowly coming to terms with the fact that I hadn't got a fucking clue who I was any more.  I was also starting to slide badly.  For some reason, when I get over a totally shite period in my life and things start to look like they are coming together, there are positives and things to look forward, I panic, full blown flat out panic.... because of course someone is going to take all that away again aren't they.... well no, but at that point, try telling my mind that!  So at best at that stage I was foundering, and foundering badly.

As far as LGBT issues were concerned, I wasn't a joiner in, at least not by then... I used to be, when I was at University I was elected to the Student Union exec and did a lot of work with the LGBT student rep, I helped put together the LGBT student guide, went on awareness raising events etc... strangely when I kind of came out and was with my ex it all sort of slide by the wayside.  So when we first got the e-mail round at work saying the group was starting I just looked at it and thought, yeah right, and promptly ignored it.

When the reminder of the first meeting came round, giving details of where it would be, and asking for people to come join in I am sure the same thing would have happened, except for one small thing that intervened.  Our office is open plan and in the pods directly opposite me were two mid 20 year old straight male colleagues, who were taking the piss about the whole thing, I think the bit that got me was suggesting they should hang out outside the meeting and identify the gay people......and that was all it took, I was that cross I e-mailed the organiser and said yes, I wanted to join.

Ok, I still was too nervous to approach my manager to ask to go, and I didn't announce where I was going, except to my team leader, when I went to the first meeting....oh how things have changed.  The group have been a great support to me at work, my name is now on the group's internal web page as a contact for other LGBT staff members, I go to socials and educational events that the group run, help out at the firm's Pride stand, and in tomorrow's department diary at 2 pm it states quite clearly for all to read that I am going to the LGBT Diversity Group meeting... and hell I proud of that!