Spring things.....

Some of my favourite early spring
flowers in mum's garden today

Erm, it's March.... already... how in the name of all that is good and even remotely holey did that happen?  I mean, new year was only last week wasn't it?

So, since Thursday when I last posted.... I spent nearly 2 days alternating between bed, bathroom and sofa ... sleeping for most of the time after the first 12 hours had passed thankfully.... the bug completely knocked me out and I didn't really feel fully functional till this morning.  Sadly one of the things about having an immune system that doesn't work properly means that when you aren't picking up all germs known to man the damn thing goes into overdrive at the most inappropriate moments to do particularly unhelpful things.... like send your lymph system loopy, or make your joints swell up.  When the medical powers that be next consider what transplants they'd like to do next, never mind doing a hand, or a face, a working immune system would be nice... erm, either that or possibly a spine transplant....

Actually, on the plus side with the whole being March thing it has got substantially warmer with temperatures reaching almost double figures in the last few days... fingers crossed this will hold (and we don't get too much rain)

On the minus side with the warming up.... the Hell Cats have suddenly got a lot more active.... to the extent where when I am downstairs it frequently sounds like rolls of thunder approaching as they race around.... they are also much louder and singing from the stairs regularly again.  I guess when your naked winter is best viewed from mainly under the duvet with regular forays out for food.  Sadly the evil capacity of these felines is also on the increase and Hugo is currently nicknamed "shark bait"........ as this is what I am threatening to use him as if he doesn't stop pulling down my clothes from their hangers as they are drying on the door frames.

baby daffodils....again from mum's
garden... mine has flowers... you just can't
see them for the weeds!

Today I did the weekend things that I'd not managed on Saturday.... laundry, the supermarket run and a quick clean of the house.... though the whole concept of a "spring clean" is something I am ignoring.

Mum was in a celebratory mood as the free-loader has moved out the attic.... big sighs of relief all round... and thankfully the stress levels have completely dropped straight away.  She was full of planning for the Comic Relief Tea Party she is holding on 16th March.... for which I am apparently in charge of cup cakes and cookies (and I have no doubt the kettle..... though for some reason Mum's kettle refuses to blow up!)

Next weekend in the UK it's Mothering Sunday (or Smothering Sunday as it used to be referred to when I was little) and my sister and I have arranged a posh Sunday dinner and a couple of small gifts .... I am also in charge of dessert, which will be crumble, because, after all, crumble solves everything ..... well, it helps anyway, in my world!

Weekend waffling.....

Welcome, to another boring weekend in my so called life!

Last night was it's usual Friday night wash out of being far too tired after the working week to do anything remotely exciting except curl up on the sofa and read.

Today, I had to go out and do things..... because in a fit of optimism during the week I decided that I was spending far too much on doing my shopping on line and having it delivered, plus I wasn't actually eating half the stuff I ordered, so I could just take myself to the supermarket and do the shopping...... which in theory was fine!

I wandered round to mother's first thing... okay, well about 10.30 am by the time I'd got my arse into gear and stopped faffing about.... so that I could do laundry and catch up on her gossip..... she's very good at gossip!  I was subjected to answering the questions in the standard crossword and the general knowledge quiz in her newspaper as I sat at the table and got on with my knitting....... though she refuses to do the suduko whilst I am there as apparently it's not helpful to have someone calling out random numbers as she's trying to think......

I did discover that I come by my inability to complete things genetically... and for once not from my father (from whom most of my strange traits come from).....  Earlier in the week I'd asked if she had any buttons as I needed some for a baby jumper I am meant to be knitting (said baby safely arrived today).... anyway, this caused her to tidy out her sewing box (mum, my sister and I all have the same boxes, they belonged to my grandma and her sisters.... whilst mum and sister actually have sewing stuff in theirs, mine is full of yarn.... oh and old photos for some reason).  Anyway, she brought out a couple of tapestry things she'd done and was going to get framed for some of her fairly young nieces........ and then she produced a table cloth she was embroidering..... and proceeded to explain that she'd started it when she was 18 but never finished it........ I've suggested she should try to finish it within the next 3 years....... as then it will at least have only taken her 60 years to complete.......... At this point I was informed I was a cheeky baggage ......

Anyway, after I'd run out of excuses not to leave and go shopping I went to the big supermarket... and drove round the car park...... and out of it....... having been struck by a complete feeling of "nope, not happening".  Now I know that I do get stressed out by busy large supermarkets - particularly when there are lots of kids, long queues and the cashiers are obviously in a hurry and throw things down the check outs....... but I just couldn't face it....... so I went to the much smaller (and in fact a lot cheaper) little supermarket (well hardly super) and managed to get just about everything I needed ....... though they don't do cat food that their imperial felinities find acceptable so I had to trog round to the pet shop afterwards.

Shopping was unpacked with only minor incident when I knocked over an open box of dog biscuits, which poured into the fruit bowl, over the side and down the gap between the cupboard and the cooker........ at which point I had to disconnect said cooker to pull it out and remove the biscuits, before the mob went through the front of it!  Yes, I switched off the gas first and did it very sensibly!

Tonight I have finished the scarf I was knitting for a Christmas present..... okay, so I didn't actually buy the yarn till the new year, but it's done now and only 6 weeks late... I shall send it with the postal fairies early next week and hopefully the recipient will get some use of it before spring arrives!   I should really get on with new baby's jumper..... though the last time I promised to do a baby jumper for a new born was just over four years ago...... and the "baby" is still waiting......

I think it is time to retire with a book now....... and then tomorrow I have a short story to write and housework to tackle before apparently the snow returns..... but as it's nothing like the people in parts of the US and Canada have at present I shall refrain from being typically British and moaning about the weather!

Further adventures in hair dying......

So this morning, I was bored, I looked in the bathroom mirror and thought 'blergh' my hair had grown so much as I didn't exactly have roots showing I had a nice band of normal hair colour and then about 3 inches further down it was faded aubergine.... and by normal hair colour I'd be generous these days in saying that there was an equal fight between the boring mid brown colour and the silver it seems to be going as I get older.

So, having got a box of hair dye sitting in the airing cupboard I decided nothing ventured nothing gained and proceeded to dye it....... allegedly "deep red"

On an positive note to this story - I did not dye the cat..... nor did I dye the bathroom (which believe me is a huge improvement on last time - there are still a couple of aubergine patches on the ceiling.....)

However, by the time I had gone through developing, rinsing, conditioning and drying I was catching sight of bits of my hair out the corner of my eye and thinking... erm... not so deep red.... more sort of well....

So, where there were silver bits at the front it's kind of bright ginger, on the brown bit's it is a nice deep red, but on some of the aubergine bits it's gone almost black..... it's patchy and there are some stripes in the front...


I went to my sister's for lunch and she decreed it did in fact look like I had dyed my hair to look like a tortoiseshell cat.......

I'd strip it out and start again.... but I fear seeing the level of silver it is would frighten me!!

Winter weekend.......

So, Friday, it snowed... well it snowed Thursday night, but not really enough to make it exciting.  Friday's major snowfall happened else where for the most part... though it did start properly snowing here at about 1pm... by 3.30 pm the roads were getting rather well covered and the powers that be decided to let the staff who lived out in the Peak District or over an hours commute away go home... they also let out those who had to make child care arrangements as some schools were closing early.  Now usually I hate it when people refer to my various critter as my "children"... no seriously, they aren't, they are animals, they are treated like animals, they behave like animals (which is not dissimilar to children I suppose) .... but my boss insists in cases of bad whether they count as children and I had to go home at 3.30 pm - such a hardship!

In total we got about 6 cm or so of settled snow..... and on Saturday I woke up, for the second time having already wondered out into it at 5.30 am, to the sound and smell of the bloke who has recently moved in opposite burning his clutch out whilst spinning around and sliding his car across the ice on the road....... which was the point I decided that Saturday was going to be a staying home, wrapping up warm and pottering about kind of day....... there was some fairly constructive reading, a bit of cleaning and some cooking.  Impressively the supermarket shop delivery arrived on time... though the driver had to leave the van halfway down the road and walk the rest of the way as apparently our road was the worst they'd been on.

Today I was determined I was going out, snow and ice be damned!  I really actually hate being stuck in the house for any length of time as I feel completely stifled by it and need to get out or I start going a little stir crazy.  There was still a fair bit of snow and ice lying on the road but this wasn't going to stop me. I cleared off the car, measured up what room I had between the parked cars, stuck it in reverse and went for it......straight out of the drive, between the parked cars, round the corner and then into gear and off down the road..... got out first time, no skidding, no sliding and no wheel spins...... some of the neighbours were out watching and boy did I feel smug...... I got the car back into the drive later without problems too :)

In a fit of organisation I've made lunch for tomorrow .... in slight disorganisation I lost half of my stir fry to Gretchen when I had to go answer the phone when I was having dinner (it was dad, it couldn't wait).... and I should now be in bed..... but unfortunately I discovered some NCIS fan fiction that I am rather enjoying and I keep forgetting to watch the time.......... 

Work tomorrow........ hopefully...... there is white stuff falling quite heavily from the sky at present though.......

A whining post about parents....

Sorry, this is a purely letting off steam kind of post as if I don't vent here I am going to either end up bursting into tears or yelling at someone that totally doesn't deserve it.... feel free to skip said post and visit again later...

Dad hasn't been very well since New Year..... which is like the understatement of the year given that he's dying, he's just being a bit more serious about it at the moment.  The doctors mucked up his medication and he ran out of one of his tablets, as a result he has been stuck in bed for the last three weeks nearly.  His partner (sheesh, nearly 18 months on and I can't bring myself to call her his wife) is crap... back in October/November he had a bad reaction to some of the drugs he was trying out and all his joints became swollen so he couldn't get out of his chair.... but she left him there without food or drink to go to work with no one in the house for 9 hours!  When ever she worries about him, which obviously happens a fair bit, she phone my mum and whittles on at her about him and and all her worries........ No matter how hard we try to get her to phone either me or my sister she won't do it.... mainly because dad doesn't want to upset my sister and the partner knows I have no time or patience for her.

Mum has decided, after seeing dad before Christmas (yes, they are still friends, and speak to each other, visit etc), that dad has in fact given up and is just waiting to die.... which is upsetting, but being a hard hearted bitch (my mother's words a couple of weeks ago) all I can think is please, just let him go soon and painlessly.... and yep, am still a complete coward who can't face going down to see him.

Last week I posted a bit about mum's straight laced lodger, who it appears is really taking the piss.  Mum let her rent the attic before Christmas and was under the impression it would be short term till the lodger found somewhere to rent properly or bought another property..... only she's done fuck all bout finding somewhere else to live - why would she, mum's only charging her peanuts to stay there.... they were friends, but the way things are going the friendship is going to blow up very shortly as the lodger keep criticising mum and making snide remarks.  Mum asked her when she was moving out, as she has visitors coming at the end of February - only to be told that the visitors could come in half term when the lodger would be house sitting for a week! WTF!!

What with the lodger, the radiator leaking just before Christmas (which meant she needed a whole new set of radiators), dad and the water pouring through the roof incident last week mum's anxiety levels have understandably gone through the roof.  This evening (or rather today) her telephone has gone on the blink and despite several calls to the service provider, and them assuring her it was fine, she lost her temper with them when it still didn't work.... She then phoned me for sympathy and when I couldn't help her with her phone hung up on me..... she then phoned my sister and had a tizzy down the phone to her.

My sister phoned me in tears after mum hung up on her.  Apparently mum's been phoning her having these kind of massive anxiety attacks at all hours of the day and night.... and when the phone rings really late at night she picks it up in absolute fear that it's the call to say dad has gone.  Mum has always had a bit of a problem with alcohol, she started drinking rather heavily when she and dad were getting divorced and whilst it's been fairly under control she does tend to drink whiskey when she's anxious, which makes her very depressed. (Mum's drinking is one of the reasons I don't really drink and am happy to be the designated driver if I am going out)  My sister admitted that when she and her partner went round for dinner on Saturday last week mum had drunk a small bottle of whiskey... my sister was mortified as her partner had never seen mum like that in the year that he and my sister have been together.

Tonight we were both pretty sure she'd been drinking again, so first my sister and then I tried to phone her mobile... which she'd switched off.  We ended up going round to check on her because in her anxious state, with alcohol, we were worried she'd do something stupid.... she hadn't but she was in a complete state.

My sister and I really don't know what to do, she won't admit the anxiety is a problem - we both want her to speak to her doctor about it... we also want her to formally get rid of the lodger.... we are going to speak to dad's partner and make it clear that she has to stop burdening mum with her problems about dad

Arghhh, I just wish I could fix everything......

brain to mouth communication error of the day....

Well, this evening I have managed what turned out to be a fairly amusing (well for me anyway) example of failing to engage my brain before opening my mouth.... I mean seriously, there is a connection, but sometimes it seems to just short circuit on me at the worst moments.  It's a good thing my mother is used to me!!

So what did I do?

Being as it's very cold here at present, and forecast to snow over the weekend, I decided that it would be an excellent time to visit my mother for tea and gossip as after (a) she has heating in her house which I don't and (b) I could stick a load of clothes through the washing machine - after all if I get snowed in the last thing I want is to run out of underwear (well outerwear too I suppose, but the underwear always seems more important somehow)

So, I was sitting at one end of the kitchen table, my mother was at the other end making a batch of meatballs.  In the middle was sat my mother's lodger - I say lodger in the loosest sense of the word.  She's a friend of mum's, who recently sold her own house but hasn't yet found a new place to live - so she's currently living in mum's attic (yep the one with the leaky flat roof)..... she's a retired antiques dealer and, well to be blunt, a complete know it all with extremely definite opinions on everything.  I am hoping she finds somewhere to live soon as she's driving mum up the wall - only mum's far to nice to say anything.

Anyway, there we were, nattering about nothing in particular, as I carried out with my knitting and mum with the cooking.... her friend was holding forth about something when mum suddenly interrupts and says,  "roll into 24 walnut sized balls." There is brief pause and she continues "what sort of size is walnut size?"

Now without thinking or looking up from my knitting (in my defence I was trying to keep my double moss stitch straight at the time) I replied, "the same size as a bloke's prostate gland, a healthy one anyway."

It took about a minute for me to realise the conversation hasn't restarted.  I looked up from my knitting to find them both looking at me, mum's friend is looking totally horrified, like I've said something outrageously rude, but mum, bless her is biting the inside of her cheek and trying not to laugh.  Eventually she managed to say with a completely straight face and dead pan expression, "useful to know, but not exactly helpful when it comes to working out the size of the balls."

Well that cracked me up altogether as my mind went gutter-wise (it is a direction, it's the opposite of heavenwards) at high speed.  Mum managed to hold off laughing until her friend had fled the kitchen to return to her attic

Mum thinks she'll have the downstairs of her house to herself this evening :)

A weekend with minor excitements.....

Sunday night with work looming over the horizon comes round far far to quickly!

This weekend has been one of doing things.... mainly because I promised myself I wouldn't spend my weekends just reading (well, okay, there might be the odd weekend) and instead I would make myself do something productive.....

Which means that this weekend I have....

- tortured all four of the dogs by savagely maiming them with excruciatingly sharp object so that they are no longer able to walk without severe pain and injury......... or in other words, I cut their nails..... they only thing they can no longer do is making tappy noises on the hard kitchen floor which means that Hope can stealth attack and arrive on my lap without warning......

- cleaned up, trimmed the grass edge and bleached the hell out of the kennel run.... it needed doing and there was a dry day on Saturday so grabbing the opportunity before the next week of rain, or heaven forbid, snow arrives.

- Combed out fully the fur ball known as Gretchen....... by the time I had done I could almost grow a spare spitz out of the undercoat I'd removed from her....... I have plans to do the others, don't tell them!

- Visited mother to carry out daughterly duties (and use the washing machine).... which was quite complicated as I arrived to find her having a complete tizzy because the flat roof in the attic was leaking water into the house..... my mother bless her is a drama queen at times and you'd have thought the world was ending....... when I told her to find her insurance documents and ring them she got quite snappy as apparently when she'd phoned my sister at goodness only knows what time this morning to stress at her about it she'd been told the same thing......I am not sure what else she was expecting from me... possibly to join her in her dramatic moment...... instead she got a small lecture on learning to act proportionately and that a leaking roof was not in fact a life and death situation...... apparently at nearly 75 she feels that if she wishes to be dramatic she will be....... mind you the roof now has a tarp on it and a temporary fix until she can get two quotes for the insurers.

- Unwound and balled up 3 skeins of new and exciting yarn (well these particular ones were new to me, it's one of my favourites to play with) and am now about 1/4 of the way through a new and fun knitting project (erm, which  was actually on my to knit for Christmas list, but hey, you know, surprise gifts throughout the year are welcome I'm sure)

- Had one of those special moments involving melting plastic, glass fragments and flames....... okay, it goes like this.... I have some really nice glass candle holders that sit inside little metal pots on the kitchen window ledge.  On Saturday I had had one alight for a while and as I was sitting at the kitchen table reading (yeah, I did do some of that this weekend too) I caught rather more flame than I would have expected out the corner of my eye.  On closer investigation, namely walking up to it and leaning over the sink to look, I noticed that all the wax residue on the glass holder was burning and the wick itself had burnt out.  On tiptoes I leant further forward to blow it out but it wouldn't go out.  So I picked it up........ which would be my first mistake..... cos the pot it sits in is metal, and was hot, and there were flames, and I dropped it into the plastic washing up bowl in the sink........ where it started to quite happily melt the plastic as I blew at it quite dramatically..... giving up I turned the tap on to put it out..... and the shock of the cold water on hot glass, well, exploded it quite dramatically........ I managed to get the water out the bowl, leave the glass bits in and then carry the whole thing to the outside bin without further incident...... and then went back to run my hand under the tap cos I realised my fingers were a bit warm.........

- and that's about it for my weekend, oh save having only changed the bedding 2 days ago, I now have to go and change the sheets again because Gina has thrown up in the middle of the bed...... why when she has the whole of upstairs to chose from does she always manage to do this just after I've changed the bedding??

So that was 2012.... what next....

2012.... a year in which:
I learnt that I really don't do being poorly,
I became very familiar with being stuck on the sofa,
My parents health both had wobbles, mum now being fine, but dad still continues to deteriorate
My sister found a new partner and one year on they are still going strong
I didn't manage to electrocute myself (despite several near misses with the kettle, heater and light fittings),
I discovered that my destructive powers extended to my Kindle (but limited it to 3 replacements over the course of the year)
I spent far too much money on e-books
I spent far too much time reading said e-books
I took the plunge and wrote a story for more than just myself by taking part in LiAW
My internet friendships grew and provided me with some excellent memories, advice, support and parcels :)
oh yes, and I finally got my professional qualification.

So as I sit hear listening to some premature fireworks signalling the arrival of 2013 what am I hoping for....

That my mother continues in good health as she approaches her 75th birthday in the summer - and of course continues to embarrass me whenever she can!
That my dad's condition stays as stable as possible, or that if he does deteriorate then it happens quickly and without pain
That my sister and her partner's relationship continues to grow from strength to strength
That my friends who are pregnant have swift and safe deliveries of their expected daughters (who knows, the latest half daughter might get something hand knitted before her first birthday....)
That I continue to have a job and a roof over my head
That my critters behave themselves (yeah, I know, optimistic)
That my friendships, both online and in real life, continue to grow and flourish and that I can give back to my friends even part of what they give to me
That my leg continues to heal and there are no more set backs
That I can pluck up the courage to do more with my writing this year and in particular to join in and go to the UK GLBT writers and readers weekend in July

And with that, all that is left is to wish anyone reading this a happy and peaceful new year and all the best for 2013

So that was Christmas....

Tis all over and alas I must go back to work tomorrow

*stamps feet and throws hands around dramatically*

Don't want to!!

So, Christmas Eve.... mum's party was great fun and as usual I spent most of my time acting as bar person, guide to the edibles and finder of suitable things for children to eat..... which brings us to the nipple buns...  I hadn't actually planned on telling anyone bar my sister about how said buns had been making me chuckle and why.... only she told mum...... who then decided to have a guessing game of "what are these meant to represent" with nearly everyone....... the funniest comments being from her cleaner who got the whole boob reference... at which point his partner declared that in fact he should not know anything about how they looked like boobs/nipples as he hasn't really had the experience with them.... to which my mother calmly pointed out that I made them and that to be honest I was probably, out of everyone in the room (at that point, one gay couple, two straight women, one about to be rather shocked elderly het couple and me) the expert on boobs so should know.......... I should be used to my mother by now, but really!

Christmas Day was spent at my sisters, and after home made chocolate croissants and decaf coffee there was present opening and much amusement .... I then ran away for peace, tranquillity and emergency chocolate at home for a couple of hours... oh okay, I went to check on the critters.  I went back later for a lovely lunch involving far too many vegetables..... the hazelnut and chocolate meringue went down very well and has been asked to feature at future events.....  For some reason my sister changed the rules regarding washing up in her house (usually we don't wash up in each other's houses... it stems from the fact that my mother although willing to wash up is in fact really bad at it and you have to rewash half of it....  personally I think she did this on purpose).... this year it was decreed that I could wash up.... which I did..... though only after causing much amusement when each time I sidled along my sister's extremely narrow galley kitchen I had to stop every three paces to detach my knicker elastic from the handles of the kitchen doors.....

Today I took things very easily this morning and then went back to my sisters for a few hours this afternoon where we did jigsaws, read and finished up some of the left overs.

And now I have to get ready to go back to work tomorrow.....  I have a list of little bitty things that I never get round to normally to try and finish off before New Year so that is the plan..... well, aside from faffing about on the net and catching up on the gossip with the skeleton staff that will be working with me

Slightly less of the Bah Humbug....

It appears to be time for me to shed my outer Grinch and embrace the festive season....... for I have finished work today and don't go back until after the whole she-bang is over with.... I am working between Christmas & New Year (well just 3 days of it) again so that my colleagues who have young children or who have distant family can spend the whole of the festive period together.... I am not so bothered... as much as I love my family, there are limits on the amount of time I can spend with them and three full days (Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing day) are normally quite enough in one go for me!

So to try and embrace the festive feeling I went to my sister's to help her put up her tree.  Now, small disclaimer here.... I wasn't in her house when she tested the tree lights, therefore I had nothing to do with the fact they went "bang" and refused to work....... I arrived shortly after...... I don't think they knew I was coming..... anyway, my sister decreed she was going to the shop to pick up a new set of lights and suggested  that her other half and I should bring the tree in from the garden and set it into the base, carry it through to the lounge and place it ready for decorating.  Then she looked at us both, shook her head and said, maybe we should leave it..... we rebelled, by the time she got back the tree was set up and in place.... though not sufficiently straight for my sister's liking.

The new lights were wrapped round it (they flash and sequence and all sorts...... and I am banned from touching the controls on pain of death....... which is a little unfair I feel)..... after which we got on with decorating....... well, I got banished to the sofa after the first couple of minutes for throwing the snowball decorations at, erm, the tree, my sister, Mavis the cat....... and was allowed only to hand out the requested decorations when asked..... sometimes my sister is no fun!  It looks very pretty and the decorations are all red, silver or crystal.... my money is on Mavis taking at least half of them down before the big day.....

Tonight the last of my on line purchases arrived, which means tomorrow I shall battle with paper, scissors, ribbon, tape and cats to wrap up the presents for the family.  Wish me luck!!

I also have to finish a story I am writing about a whip wielding demonic sharply dressed lawyer and his two faithful imps ...... Rupert has some seriously weird ideas and my brain is happy to play along.  Hopefully the story will be ready to be gifted to a friend in time to be an extra Christmas present for her and her family :)

There is also unfinished knitting... but alas I fear this will remain unfinished till long after Christmas......

Okay, I think I'm ready to risk a seasonal mince pie now ....

Oh and my exam results should apparently be here tomorrow........ still not convinced I've passed but there is bugger all I can do about that now....

Musing about anthologies...

I recently bought, and read, a couple of anthologies.  Now this is unusual for me, as I am not a big fan of anthologies..... which I think goes hand in had with me not being a huge fan of short stories (at least not when I have to pay as much for them as I would for a novella).....

Anyway, these were billed as being "kinky" Christmas stories........ which should suit be just fine..... now one anthology I did enjoy most of the stories... the other unfortunately was a reminder of exactly why I don't usually read them..... from 5 stories, 1 I enjoyed (and admittedly it was from an author whose work I've read before for free on Literotica so I know their style), 2 were okay at a push, the other 2.... well, I wondered how on earth they got into the anthology at all (in a sort of ... what really? did they not get any better submissions??)

And this is the problem..... in any anthology I find that for me there is always going to be at least 30% of the work in there that I just can't get on with..... which leads on to another problem......... and one which is probably in my mind..... but it's there anyway.... and that is that my LiAW story is going to be part of an anthology....

My story will be in the 5th volume.... along side stories by real, proper, popular authors....... my story! written, well scribbled, by me, a complete novice at this sort of thing...... My stomach kind of flips when I think about it... because yes, I am pretty sure that for a lot of the readers mine will be in that 30% giving readers a "WTF is this crap?" moment...... I suppose at least they can just skip it and at least it's free so they won't have wasted money on it....... 

I know it's probably just nerves.... after all the ratings it's had have been good..... but still... *sigh*

Right, I shall go off to brood some more, and stand by the phone waiting for my mother to call me.....she informed me yesterday she'd borrowed a couple more books - I recently lent her Tigers & Devils and Tigerland to read, she enjoyed them and wanted another of the same sort of thing.... trouble was she chose herself and is currently reading My Fair Captain..... I have a horrible feeling I am going to have one of those slightly squicky conversations involving me trying to explain the concept of fisting to my 75 year old mother......

Adventures in baking...

One thing our family have always done is made sure for big occasions no one person is left to do everything. Which means at Christmas the cooking always gets shared out... not just for the day itself, but for mum's Christmas Eve open house party... (and I have warned my sister's other half as it's his first year that mum will have already told "everyone" going all about him ..... she did it with me, though I am sure that was partly because she wanted to watch people's reactions to the fact that I would be bringing my girlfriend... *rolls eyes* .... I know, I know, I really am grateful for my parents, but my mother is sometimes a little too proud of having a lesbian daughter....)

For some reason, puddings and deserts always falls to me.... and as we don't do traditional in our house I am going to be preparing all three of my short-listed deserts this weekend.

There will be.... Hazelnut and Chocolate Meringue Roulade or Chocolate and Cardamom Cheesecake or possibly Apple & Plum Tart in Cinnamon sweet pastry.... the two that don't win the Christmas dinner vote I'll make again for Christmas Eve..

Now the first two I have recipes for or at least as near as dammit make up the bits that don't quite fit as you go along kind of recipes.... the last I just thought sounded like it would work..... I've started the filling off overnight by putting the apples/plums/sugar into the slow cooker (crock pot for those reading this not in the UK) and have made up the pastry.... it's only been going for about 30 minutes but it already smells rather nice...

Erm.... I might also have possibly sliced my finger a bit.... I didn't actually realise it at first as having no heating in and the fruit I was cutting having just come out the fridge my fingers when rather cold and white.... sitting in the lounge a bit later in front of the fire my circulation came back and, well, my finger decided to leak quite a bit...... it's safely under a plaster now....

Apparently in my baking weekend my sister wants me to produce bags of cookies for her Christmas Sale at the University to raise money for the prize her department awards to the student statistician with the highest exam marks in memory of their colleague who died last year..... looks like it might be a very busy weekend in the kitchen.... I must try not to blow anything up.... or burn anything.... or damage myself any more.... at least the first aid box is well stocked.......

So, it is....

Four weeks to Christmas Day.... and I am wholly disorganised and haven't got a clue what I am getting for most people, those who have been promised knitted items may get them for Beltane....

At least most of the immediate family presents are done.... that is to say they are in the shopping baskets at Amazon, Hotel Chocolate, Lush and Yankee candles... roll on pay day at the end of the week and I can get the orders submitted.... really must go find something for my father mind and get it sent off.

There is only one week to get post out for Christmas that is going down to Australia or New Zealand and only another week after that for USA post... thankfully European post can wait a bit longer.... which is good as I haven't even bought cards yet... this weekend... gonna have to get organised.

More importantly... much more importantly really.... there are now less than four weeks before the Winter Solstice and the turn of the Earth ready for the days to start getting longer again with the hope of a new year.

In all the mad panic of Christmas commercialism it's nice to have something else to focus on  that is a lot calmer and more in tune with nature and the earth.  I am looking forward to banishing the winter spirits and moving out the dark half of the year more than ever as it's been a very long cold and wet final quarter of the year.  Maybe as the new lunar year starts it will bring a more peaceful and balanced time for everyone.

Personal space....

I am a very tactile person, who frequently sprinkles whatever part of cyberspace I frequent with virtual hugs.... in real life, if I know you, I am pretty much the same... I think one of the reasons for always having the critters is in the absence of human company I've got something I can hold, cuddle, stroke... I am even trying to type this with Gina balanced on my knee... 

Now I know not everyone else is the same, my friend I went to see yesterday is another tactile person, and yes lots of hugging was involved .... my best friend is not a hugs person, not from any "hands off" kind of outlook, but because she has an illness that means she is often in pain and a misplaced hug can actually dislocate one of her joints, or pop a rib out of place.  My half daughter's Asperger's and Autism means that I am incredibly honoured and proud that she will hug me and let me hug her as in general she doesn't like anyone in her personal space.

Today I had my personal space invaded in a way I didn't like though.... by my own mother.  As a result of the manky foot fiasco in the summer my lymph system went crazy and I developed blisters all up the back of my calf, which acted accordingly and burst.  Four months on they are just about healed up but look horrible.... kind of like a burn scar that is still healing.  It's horrible.  I hate it, I hate for anyone to see it.  Now normally this is not a problem as I wear ankle length skirts all the time, but recently in high winds I've not been able to hold the skirt down and it's been seen.... and commented on, even pointed at, in the street... which has made me even more conscious of it.  

We were round at my sisters this afternoon making things for her work's craft fayre, which raises money for an annual prize in memory of one of her colleagues at the university where she works.  During a coffee break (I love my sister... she bought me very posh ground decaffeinated coffee for when I go visit her!) without warning or asking my mother lifted my skirt to try and look at my leg..... I freaked and shouted at her I'm afraid.  She then got defensive stating she only wanted to see how it was healing... and didn't take it at all well when I informed her that it wasn't acceptable for her to do that, it was a really bad invasion of my personal space and I wasn't having it.  Apparently, in her view, I was totally over reacting and as she was my mother and worried about me I should let her look.... 

Now had she asked first I probably would have shown her, but it was the whole thing of her just actually doing it without asking.  Part of me worries I over reacted and upset her, but part of me feels still really shuddery and self conscious about the whole thing.  My leg is always going to be badly scarred and ugly, I suppose I should really just get used to it, but part of me wants to hide it, and at times the rest of me, away so other people can't see.

There are no hard and fast rules about what is acceptable so far as invading someone else's personal space goes... but I hope that I'd never do what was done to me today and make someone else feel uncomfortable about it.

For a Monday....

Today has been remarkably good!

Okay, so there was work, and really dreary drizzly horrible dark weather (I swear you'd have thought we'd moved so far north that we had no daylight at all today).... and the slight problem of me miscalculating my medication and running out of pain killers last night after the chemist shut and having to do without for 24 hours....(insert lecture from person of authority regarding carelessness, forward planning, organisation and looking after yourself)....thank goodness for mother's who can be persuaded to pick up your prescription and stick it through the letterbox so it's there for you when you get home!

That aside, the day started well when the characters for my NaNo project started talking to me over my cup of tea first thing and kept going all the way to work, where I made some quick notes so I didn't forget.... then I caught up with a friend on line.... who helps keep a certain level of sanity throughout my working day (probably to both our respective employers horror if they knew!)....there was some chair dancing as I hummed along to the MP3 player (which was heavy on the Florence & the Machine this morning)...and my boss bought me a toffee apple (okay so she bought the whole team one)... though it turned out to be out of date so I didn't eat it, but it's the thought that counts.

I've finished getting my sister's birthday present together.... and it's not even her birthday until 2nd November... she's asked for some DVD's and craft stuff ..... she does the most beautiful free hand embroidery and I might just have chosen some lovely threads in greens/browns and bronzes and a small frame with the suggestion that I'd quite like two small pieces to hang over the fire place in the lounge....okay, so it will probably fall on deaf ears but it's worth a go

I just have to now get paper and a card, oh and choose some yarn from my stash (and appropriate needles) as she's decreed that I need to teach her to knit...... which is slightly worrying as I do not have the patience for teaching people a skill I still pretend at time I cannot do myself..... I can't remember what is easiest to learn to knit with.... I am tempted to start her with DK and some 4mm needles.... though my nicer yarn is mainly either in sock or aran weight I do have a nice hank of Colinette Cadenza I could give her.....then again  it's only for learning and I've a shed load of revolting bubblegum pink squeaky acrylic.....she can have some good stuff when she's got the hang of it....

Right, well to round off the rest of my nicer than expected Monday I am off to finish Amy Lane's first knitting book in preparation for the second to come out whilst I am in a yarnish type mood :)

In which I fail at shopping....

Well, I've managed to have a fairly uneventful rest of the long weekend .... no more police men were involved....

Saturday I got to be a lady wot lunches.... then yesterday I took the scenic route through the countryside to drive to the next city down to visit a friend who has recently had spinal surgery.... we spent a good few hours putting the world to rights as I knitted the rest of a gift I was making for someone and she laid out her patchwork on the floor.... at which point one of her cats came plonked himself down in the middle of it and threatened her with the evil feline look of doom (and shredded material) every time she tried to so much as lift a piece of the fabric....

Today there were plans involving my mother and shopping for my sister's birthday presents.... oh dear Goddess... why do I volunteer myself for these things?

Now I am the sort of shopper who, when not shopping for groceries, writes a list of what, where, how and when.... In other words shopping is treated as some sort of battle campaign to be conquered (or beaten into submission)... Internet shopping is my saviour!!......my mother is, well, not.. she likes to browse.... and she's had years of experience and practice doing it!

I knew exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it from and how much I was spending.... so we went
and did my shopping first...... then one of the shops mum wanted was shut on a Monday, though we didn't find that out till we'd driven all the way across town .... and then she wondered if we could just nip out into Derbyshire to look at a couple of crafty type places.... being a good and obliging daughter I said yes, on the proviso that we also got to go to the book shop on the way

My new friend

By the time we got to the third incredibly twee craft shop, which had far too much home made Christmas tat already on display, I admitted defeat and made a strategic retreat from the shop before I took out the next person who stopped directly in front of me to exclaim at the cuteness of some over priced frippery (sheesh, my inner grinch is starting yearly this year!).

So whilst waiting for mum, I took up residence balanced on the edge of a fountain, which was in the main courtyard of the stables at Chatsworth House......where I made a new friend.... and we communed about all sorts of intelligent, diverse subjects and trivia... okay we didn't, she quacked at me a bit and let me stroke her....

Because I am a good girl....

No, honestly, I am..... well, okay, most of the time I am....other times I might possibly be not quite so good, but I would never admit that if questioned....

Finally! striped husband socks...
no not for striped husbands...

anyway.... I have completed part of my homework....see the completed word!!  Yep, I finished a project that's been hanging around for about a year (okay, I've done other projects in between but this was one of those I just couldn't for the life of me finish..... but today I have and the husband socks are finally done... (I even kitchenered without having a hissy fit).... and no I have still no idea why it took me so long to get round to finishing this particular project

Now I have to hope that the husband they are intended for likes them and that they are the right size!  I shall pass them to the owner of the appropriate husband when she comes to visit in the near future...

So, one down, one to go before Wednesday......... erm.........

Tomorrow I get to go be social, as we are having the usual run of fantastic weather because everyone has gone back to work/school my sister and her other half have invited me and mother to a bbq .... though I feel my invitation my have something to do with the 10 days she is about to go to Turkey for and Mavis the Cat feeding duties.....

Right, well, as the dogs have gone to bed and the cats are on their third meal of the day I think I am going to go play on the interwebs for a while .....

Updating by numbers....

1.  I finally discovered Hugo's special hiding place for my socks....... I mean, why didn't I think to look inside the cover of the duvet on the guest bed??  It wasn't just my socks I found... there was also a selection of cat toys that he's obviously hoarding from his mother (she's the one that likes to wake me in the middle of the night to play catch with the blue sparkly mice) and a piece of liquorice root (which I bought for my father and then lost a packet... I found what I thought was most of the packet - it had been hijacked out of my shopping by the cats - almost immediately, but I'd obviously missed this bit!

2.  Daddy long legs season has begun.... whilst sitting reading in the kitchen this evening I was visited by a couple of said creatures.... now I don't mind them.... and it's great exercise for the dogs who spent a good 90 minutes trying to catch the daddy long legs ... eventually Hope managed a death defying leap and brought one down (it involved her leaping onto the top of the freezer then halfway up the wall)... but she lost it to Kammi who for all her small, white, cute fluffiness you don't want to mess with.... well not if your Hope anyway... Ivan did a bit of chasing....... Gretchen didn't stir from her spot on the floor between my feet save to raise her head and glare that they were all disturbing her sleep and would pay for it later.....

3.  Tonight was my "talk about myself" session.... and cos I am a good girl (no honestly, stop laughing, yes, you) I had done my homework from last week.  We, well I with some prompting, have come to the conclusion that I do have a fear of finishing things, but this is because I have difficulty finding a focus on what I am going to do next so I put off reaching the end of things.... This week I have to finish two of my unfinished projects (apparently finishing reading a book does not count, dammit!)....There has already been a vote for the finishing of the husband socks, and I think the other thing I ought to do is finish one of the 4 outstanding short stories I started but then didn't get to the end of for the Goodreads YA GLBT group's monthly photo prompt... mind you that involves making a decision as to which story... and decision making is my other big "fail" area....

4.  In a fit of organisation (possibly brought about by the fact I have visitors to stay in just over a month) I have obtained a new electric shower ... erm, that makes it sound like it fell of the back of a lorry... it didn't... my sister purchased it for her house, then had a new boiler put in and her bathroom redone, including a power shower so she never used the electric one and I have been gifted it.... being even more organised I have arranged for a plumber/electrician (well, I have asked my mother to phone the family plumber/electrician) to come and fit it.... oh and to fix the scarily dangerous hanging down wire that was a light fitting in the lounge at the same time (yeah, I know, it's only been waiting to be done for, er, about 3 months)

5.  I have had an official summons from my sister and her other half to go to Sunday lunch.... apparently it's going to be a "family meal"..... I am suspicious.... (well, my mind goes into overdrive sometimes)

Chocolate... I need chocolate....

Well I probably don't but that's beside the point......

Last Friday I resorted to doing an online supermarket shop ... not something I would usually do as I like to mosey round the shops and pick fresh produce and suchlike, but what with the strict commands of "no driving", "rest", "keep your foot up" I thought I'd probably not get away with a jaunt round a rather large shop.....

So I logged on and ordered........ nice sensible healthy food, lots of fruit and veg, a couple of pre-prepared veggie things, lots of juice, squash and other oh so boring things (including the essentials of cat food and chicken wings)........and whilst that has been okay to a point, today I wanted chocolate..... I could claim that I wanted it for it's medicinal and restorative properties, but no, I just wanted to eat the damn stuff........

Mum was due round for the final phase of "operation clean the house whilst daughter cannot object".... and texted to see if I wanted anything.... I made sensible suggestions for more juice, and grapes... and chocolate..... which fell on very deaf ears...... here's the thing.... mum doesn't do chocolate.. in fact she doesn't do anything sweet really other than fresh fruit.... as kids the number of times we begged and pleaded for puddings or a snack the answer was always the same "there's plenty of fruit in the bowl"... so not something a child wants to hear!

(In her defence she has pointed out that as a war baby she didn't taste chocolate till her mid teens, and was much more excited by the first orange she ever ate........I think this is a poor excuse)

So alas I did not get chocolate....... which I would still like...... only now I want coffee too........ chocolate & coffee...... oh so not good on the cravings stakes....... I think I'd best wait until tomorrow night before I do the horrible online food order as I will still be on foot rest on Saturday or I will fill the basket with complete and utter unhealthy crap that you can't make a meal with no matter how hard you try!

random mumbling....

Whilst I take baby steps towards trying to get myself back on track mentally (though I have taken a giant leap and got an appointment with a new counsellor for Thursday... I decided sod it and used the health insurance I have through work to find a private therapist rather than going through my own doctor for a referral and having to wait for months like last time) I am doing a lot of, well, nothing much.

In other words... hiding in books and knitting again... oh and failing to finish that final assignment that has to be submitted by Tuesday to the board and probably by Friday to my tutor.... It will get done, I am just struggling to get the material I need to read, digest and spit out as an answer to actually make it past my eyeballs.

I have read far a stupid number books in the last few days ... and somehow managed to purchase another seven today..... okay, I know how I managed to do it, but as there are 50 odd sitting waiting to be read on the Kindle already I didn't really need to.... why can't I buy the first book in a series?  Why do I have to buy the entire series (in this case the Horizons series by Mickie B Ashling and the Dangerous Grounds series by Josh Lanyon) I have promised myself (a) no more books till at least 10 have come off the Kindle and (b) no starting a new series till the essay is done..... do they do a 12 step programme for compulsive book purchasers and readers??

Kammi - far too cute to ever mess
with the yarn!

Knitting wise I am down to 2 WIPs.... the husband socks, which I am halfway down the foot of the 2nd sock and a shawl which I have about another 8 pattern repeats to do.... I am hoping to get them finished soon as I have requested for 3 more pairs of socks (which people have actually paid for the yarn or handed over the yarn) and some baby stuff for a colleague at work......I also have 1 skein of lace weight and 2 skeins of very posh silk blend sock yarn to wind into balls at some point.... trouble is, every time I look at them I catch sight of Gretchen in the corner of my eye looking oh so helpful on the tangling up the yarn front!

Right, I must now go wrap up my mother's birthday present... I managed to find her some nice little gifts as well as what she actually wanted.... which was a sonic screwdriver... I mean toothbrush.. which is just so not a glamorous and personal present!  We are taking her out for a meal tomorrow night.... and I finally get to meet my sister's other half properly for the first time.