Saturday song.......

The Feeling are a band that I love some of their songs, and can leave the rest... this, most recent one, I really like....

Again with the powers of destruction........

Last week, on Wednesday in fact, I had been happily reading on my Kindle at lunch time, but by the time I had got home it was dead....... not one to believe things straight away I cursed, rebooted, cursed again, checked online help, rebooted again.... but no, half the screen saver remained stubbornly stuck across the reading screen.... so I phoned up the Dead Kindle Helpline to be told, yep, it's dead......... and as it's not under warranty anymore - why yes, I did finally manage to keep one for over a year - I would need a replacement......... So I have gone from a Kindle Keyboard to a Kindle Touch (not brand new, the Zon offer guaranteed refurbished Kindles for cheap when you are phoning to whine a lot about your's dying) ... It arrived on Tuesday and I am slowly getting to grips with it - though I have safely transferred all my books over.......

Then, the same day I get the replacement Kindle, it's the turn of my mobile phone to die.... well not die as such.... but suddenly decided that it can't read the SIM card......... it refuses to recognise that it's even in there.  I did as the mobile provider suggested......... removed the SIM card, wiped it with a clean cloth and put it back... but no... still nothing.....

I was out Tuesday night for sister's partner's birthday meal so last night, I picked up the land line phone to phone the mobile provider (whilst wincing more than slightly at the call charges for doing so from a landline) only to find that lo and behold..... my landline wasn't working.  It appears to be a fault with the handsets or base unit - though I'm not sure why as it was working fine Tuesday night...... so this weekend I shall have to go to the mobile phone shop to get them to find out why the SIM card has stopped working and then to the Evil Cult of the Electrical Devices to purchase a new land line phone.......... Though I fear that me walking into a big shop selling electrical equipment may possibly result in terminal chaos....

I am hoping, as these things come in threes, that that this is it on the breaking technology for a while.... a long while......... but I wouldn't bet on it!

Busy doing nothing......

So, it's the weekend... yes.... a time to relax and chill out from the working week.... or in fact write like the wind in view of the 5th December deadline...

And I have no Kindle at present thanks to my amazing ability to kill technology so I hadn't got books as a distraction (well aside from the paper ones that lurk in most rooms of the house)

well that last part was the plan....

Yesterday I faffed about, did laundry, got my shopping delivered, ordered Christmas presents on line, watched Dr Who (okay, well, that was kind of obligatory in our family) and wrote... bugger all.

Today, I had good intentions........ I got up early, switched on the computer then.... made a birthday cake for my sister's partner, chopped up a load of veg to make a casserole in the slow cooker, made a spinach, red onion and mushroom fritatta and cauliflower cheese (which, really, I must stop calling boiled brain in cheese sauce... but really, a whole cauliflower does look like that)...

I've also cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and bleached the yard......

I've been up and down the stairs about a million times... mainly because I've got the electric fire plugged in up there in the hope of having dry clothes for work.... but every time I hear the thunder of paws overhead and something go crash I have to go check the cats haven't managed to knock something off the coat hangers that are hanging in the doorway and draped it over the fire.... yep, paranoid, but with reason, it's the sort of evilly stupid thing my cats would do.

oh and manicured my finger nails and taken the unusual step of painting them.... I don't normally, because really it's just not usually me, but today I felt like it......... they are ice blue...... which of course is a totally reasonable colour for a professional 40 year old to colour their nails isn't it??

I have opened the word document I am working on.... twice... but the words they are just not happening....

Ah well, I've a whole evening ahead to..... ooh, look, shiny.....  hummm,.... what was I saying :)

100 words - the midweek edition ....

As much as I belong to them, they belong to me.

No one asked them to take me in, to care for me. My heart was as broken and battered as my body, my mind screamed for the loss of my love. Slowly they taught me that my world did not end with him, that I could survive.

I couldn’t tell you when survival became living, or when I discovered that there was still hope in the world. I couldn’t tell you when I came to love them, or when they came to love me.

Together we are a family.

Don't wanna go to work tomorrow and other stuff............

I've discovered a problem with having long weekends........... come Monday night I really don't want to go back to work again the next day.

This has been the second of four long weekends I am having to use up my annual leave - I had good intentions to write, do housework, buy Christmas gifts......... what I've done is catch up on a lot of sleep and laundry, and broken in a new pair of Converse.

Turns out the breaking in of new shoes was a bloody good and long overdue occurrence..... my knees and back have been particularly bad for the last couple of months - not unusual this time of year - but my right knee in particular was starting to worry me .... but miraculously.... or probably not... wearing new shoes for a few days and my knee is tonnes better - turns out I need to replace my shoes before they are almost completely warn through because the way I walk wears down the soles in a certain way to make my knees twist and hurt my back.......... I shall try to remember this!  

Okay, so I did write a bit over the weekend.... but then I decided today that in fact I suck at it, can't do it and that everything I write is crap....... I don't know why I do this every single bloody time I am about a third of the way through writing something, it's like my self confidence has this trigger point and implodes....... okay, not helped by the fact I beta read something for an author whose work I love ..... I need to go read something published by a mainstream author that is truly crap so that I can remind myself I can do this....... and, erm, soon... cos like 5th December deadline is looming ominously!  

I say this about my writing at the same time as discovering my LHNB story has been nominated in one of the categories in the M/M group's 2013 awards......... 

What else....... erm........ the wing mirror dropped off my car today - I must go get it fixed......... if of course come tomorrow morning I can get out the driveway as we are promised freezing temperatures overnight - and they aren't kidding - the thermometer is dropping rapidly......... oh and I need to get petrol on the way to work as I forgot earlier.... 

Ah well, I should go get some more bits and pieces done......... like more knitting of Christmas hat the second. .... before bed time....

100 Words...

The cold metal of the gun’s muzzle ran up my spine, through the goose-bumps that had risen on my skin.  It came to rest, pushing hard at the base of my skull.  

My heart rate accelerated.  My head started to spin, the air seemed to rush from my lungs.… and I did something I’ve never done before.

“Tortoise.” I gasped.

The gun was flung to one side.  I felt the bed next to me dip with his weight.  Warm hands took me by the shoulders and pulled me over into his solid body.

“It’s fine. You’re safe,” he whispered.

Some things I have learnt this week.........

- Do not, ever, under any circumstances, give your cats brand new cat nip mice at around 8 pm........ because when you try to go to bed a couple of hours later your cats will be trying to attempt their version of the Cresta Run (it felt like was cold enough, we've had frost the last few days) around your bedroom and have the most amazing blown pupils ..... hiding under the duvet isn't good cos every twitch you make you get attacked.......... and that was before Gina got the munchies and decided to empty all the draws in  the bedside cabinets in an attempt to work out if there were treats available!

- No matter how securely you think you've managed to wedge the new "cat gym" into the corner between the bookcase and the wall..... at 3 am one of the cats will manage to get the whole thing to fall over and crash, loudly, onto the floor.  I think they get bonus points if they can get from the crows nest type basket at the highest point onto your head as they do this........ scratches on your chin and neck are kind of hard to explain......

- If you make your packed lunch in the early hours (okay it was about 6 am) it's better to turn the lights on .... I swear the cucumber moved and made the knife attack my fingers....

- When pouring boiling water out the kettle, concentrate, because pouring it all over your other hand as it's hovering around near the mug is really not a good idea......... thankfully only a bit scalded as I got it under the cold water tap asap

- Remember to get the dogs chicken wings out the freezer the night before.... jumping up and down on a bag of wings that are all stuck together in the middle of the yard in the early hours (yep, just before the finger slicing) is a very silly thing to do - particularly if it's wet and slippery underfoot..... oh yeah, and it's better to probably wear shoes when doing this.... frozen chicken bones are sharp....

- When you have a complete melt down the week before in your counselling session, your counsellor will not accept that you are "fine" this week and will want you to talk.............watching the fish in the tank in the corner of his office was a much better option...

- There is nothing wrong with the battery on my mobile phone.......... it just really helps to turn socket switch to on when you put it on to charge......

Yep - it really has been one of those weeks!! :)

100 Words....

I haven't done one of these for a while, but the M/M group on Goodreads have started up a weekly flash fiction thread... so I thought, what the hell....

We’d talked long into the night about it.  But now the time was right.  I could feel the approaching dawn even through the thick heavy drapes that kept the room dark.

Pulling him up from the bed he stood before me.

“Ready?” I asked staring into his eyes.  He nodded.  

Stepping forwards, his arms snaked around me. I felt the cold metal of his watch strap against my shoulder, his other hand spread across the crack of my arse.

I heard him take a deep shuddering breath as he tilted his head to one side.

My teeth closed through flesh.

Deadlines!

My life, of a sudden, seems to be full of deadlines.......

I've a short story to write and submit by 5th December.... which is started, plotted, and being written... but well, so far as writing goes, until the deadline is really close I faff about and don't actually get on with it - which probably explains why I have difficulties in finishing off writing un-promised stories...

Then there's my mother's request for 3 knitted beanie hats for my nieces (sort of, they are my cousins' kids) - she asked me today .. and can I do them by the 6th December ... only then she can take them with her when she goes for the weekend, rather than posting them.... I haven't even started these yet - they'll take a day each, roughly, well 4 hours, but that's my limit for knitting each day or my joints start to rebel!

Work wise I am used to some of the deadlines, the ones for turning work round, but I have a deadline for my application for the deputy team leader post... which means I really need to get round to sorting out my CV to accompany it... preferably before the end of this weekend...

Then there are the dreaded Christmas deadlines...I need to have my cards and presents for abroad done and ready for posting by about 10th December......... which means at some point soon I need to get my finger out and actually work out what I am buying and go get it (actually I have bought some bits and pieces, I went to the shop for dog food this evening and came out with a bag of bits and pieces for people.... and the dog food, I did remember this time, on Thursday I went to the shop and forgot completely to buy what I needed....)

All this of course reminds me of the Douglas Adams quote - "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Maybe I should give up doing all forms of housework until after Christmas.... just so I can meet the deadlines...

Move along, nothing to see here.....

Hmmm... for some reason today the whole, smile, nod, tell everyone I'm fine version of coping fell apart....... in the middle of the office, which was really embarrassing.... the tipping point was something totally stupid and not even my problem

I then had counselling........ yeah, that wasn't so much fun either....

Tonight has been spent curled up on the sofa under a blanket feeling very numb and shut down........ I couldn't tell you what was on TV or what I tried to read...... writing was totally beyond me..... in fact, this entry probably isn't making much sense either.

I just want to curl up into a ball and cry....I'd also like to actually get some sleep .... possibly long enough to wake up when the world is a much better place to be in.... or I want some one to hold me and tell me everything will be okay

I also really, really want my dad back

Updating by numbers (though it could be by rants!)

1. It is bonfire night - or more properly Guy Fawkes night - the night we strange British people celebrate someone not quite blowing up the houses of parliament by lighting fires and burning effigies of him - though these days it's more an excuse for letting off fireworks ....... lots of fireworks......... they've been going off in great numbers from Saturday - though Sunday was Diwali which accounted for quite a lot of them.  Luckily the dogs aren't bothered at all by them and like to sit out in the run and watch - however, it was a bit much for Gretchen this evening as the kids in the flats at the end of the garden (kind of) are holding a display and letting lots off at the boundary wall......... Gretchen has just spent 5 minutes barking her displeasure at them!

2. I am totally and completely disgusted by Amazon and their delivery service.  I was offered a trial of Prime, their next day delivery, and on Wednesday night last week ordered a couple of things for my sister's birthday - on the grounds they'd be here on Friday for her birthday Saturday....... I waited in all day Friday - no delivery.  I phoned up the courier service - all they could tell me was that it was on the van - it never arrived.  Saturday they don't deliver - I had to rush out and buy an extra present - Monday I was told that it was on the van again - I stayed in - no delivery - I ranted to Amazon.  Today I was assured it would be delivered - but when I got home, guess what, no delivery and no card through the door.  Again I ranted to Amazon - only to be told that as they'd tried to deliver the parcel on three occasions, they were now returning it to Amazon!! I would be refunded in 2 - 3 days and if I still wanted the goods would need to re-order!  To say I was irate would have been the understatement of the week.......... my formal letter of complaint garnered a phone call from Amazon - they are investigating further!

3. I have had to put the heating on - that is to say the gas fire in the lounge - as we had our first frost and it's now not getting about +5C - don't laugh people in colder climates - so far, we've had lightly toasted dog and the smell of burning dust - but hey, it's warm in here - the rest of the house is like an ice box mind!  I really  need to try and sort something out about fixing my heating!

4. I wonder why I try to do NaNo - it appears I cannot write for myself - I need a deadline and someone to let down if I don't get it done!  I plotted, I planned, I had an outline........... I ditched it all to write a sci-fi M-preg story for someone..... I have a 5th December deadline....... i've got the first 1000 words done, and it's amusing me greatly - whether it will amuse anyone else we shall have to wait and see.

5.  I went back to work today after the first of my long weekends - I have another 3 before the end of the year - I wondered after about 30 minutes why the hell I'd bothered to have time off as I had a gazillion e-mails to deal with, loads of queries and even though I was off on Monday my team leader managed to need to text me with a couple of questions that she decreed couldn't wait - heaven forbid I have an actual day off at some point!!

Right that's probably enough venting of frustrations for one post - I am off to write more about my pregnant alien and his quest to find little emo-goth boy that knocked him up and break the good news to him.........

Saturday song.....

This one has been on the radio a few times recently, and whilst normally not my thing she does have a nice voice and the lyrics amuse me - it sums up completely how in today's society whatever you do someone won't approve so you might as well do your own thing!

There may be ranting ahead............

At least I've managed to make my sister a birthday cake!!

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday.... and being the first after dad died she's more than a little upset to start with.  She wants to open and play the video he e-mailed a couple of years back of him singing happy birthday to her, but at the same time doesn't want to at all.

We have plans to take her out for the day and keep her busy, there is a posh meal booked at a nice restaurant, there is cake (well half a cake at the moment, it's in three layers cooling on the side so I can fill it with cherry stuff and coat it in chocolate ganache later) and there will be presents.........or there should be!

I decided to use the Amazon Prime's next day delivery service... I ordered on Wednesday night, and yesterday they confirmed that they'd been dispatched, delivery was due today........ so I've been in all day so I don't miss them...... the tracker said between 10.47 and 12..47 this morning.... by 4pm I was getting ansty, but a note had gone up on the tracker page saying bear with them their driver was delayed

By 5.30 pm the last time they deliver, I phoned the helpline - to be told, not to worry the driver was experiencing some delays and that they should be with me shortly, phone back at 6.30 pm if there hadn't been a deliver.......so, 6.30 pm I am on the phone again....... only they can't phone the local depot because they aren't answering their phone - but I shouldn't expect a delivery today now

So, my sister's birthday breakfast at 8.30 am tomorrow, when we are giving her her presents, keeping her mind of things, stuff like that.... yep, her older sister hasn't even got a present for her..... I am not at all happy.... I have filed a complaint citing their incompetence, and requesting  a full refund of the 30 minutes I have spent trying to phone their customer service on the only peak rate number they have!

Why do companies make promises of next day guaranteed delivery if they are going to fuck it up completely??

I shall have to try get something else now, at silly o'clock tomorrow morning, as a temporary present - until the ejits finally deliver the presents I've ordered for her..........

I am also not happy because being stuck at home, in November, all day, with no heating, and it chucking it down with rain all day, means that I am frozen, stiff and my joints are screaming obscenities at me!  I want to go to bed now, but I've a cake to decorate!