Don't ask me to smile please.........

I have a problem. 

I need to update my driving licence

Not a problem... just send off the form and fee to the DVLA and ta da! they will send you back your new updated photocard and paper licence.

So the problem (well aside from the fact I really object to having to pay a fee for the privilege of updating my licence) ... I need to have a photograph done to send with the licence application.

It's a well known fact that I don't do photographs... being in them that is... I know a lot of people don't like having their photograph taken (and I totally understand this - particularly those who have body image issues) but for me it's a little beyond "not liking" photographs of myself.

Point a camera at me and I will disappear in the opposite direction as fast as I can.... usually I can get out of range before I melt down, but persist with the need to take my photo and I will probably either burst into tears or throw up on you.  It's not simply a case of not liking it, it freaks me out completely.

Yes, I do actually have a phobia of having my photograph taken (which I couldn't find a formal name for - photophobia being the fear of bright light ... and I've had that too in the past when I was sick with PTC/BIH)... This something that's developed over the last ten years or so from a couple of incidents involving cameras wielded by people I didn't know in public places - so not entirely irrational, but it totally feels that way.  

In the next week I need to face this though (it's either that or end up with massive fine for not updating my licence).  At the moment I've managed 3 false starts in going to the photo booth - twice I didn't manage to get to the shop where it is at all, before I parked the car I'd started feeling like I would be sick and started shaking, so just drove around and went homeagain. Today I made it into the shop and to the photo booth, and then straight past it and out the other side of the shop.... I even made it back to the car before bursting into tears. I just couldn't do it.

All I need is a small passport photograph of myself... and I just cannot make myself go and get it done.... at least not just yet... I shall have to have another attempt during the week.

Books for an Arctic January

Better late than never....

Not me, but seriously, this is our weather at present

I am struggling to go online of an evening after work at present - mainly because my kitchen is, well, warmer inside the fridge than out... and the combination of cold and post work tiredness is sending me to the sofa in front of the fire pretty early on in the evening.  So, while I have five minutes waiting for my dinner to cook (white bean chili with rice) I shall finally update on the books I read in January.

This was, of course, the start of my not buying any books this year challenge.... so most of the titles will be old ones.

Favourite book this month was my new purchase - Red Dirt Heart 4 by N.R. Walker - which is the final book in this series and one I am seriously considering buying in paperback to re-read. Honourable mentions to The Fall by Kate Sherwood, Venetian Masks by Kim Fielding, Enigma by Lloyd A Meeker and Winter Hearts by Fyn Alexander.

I will also mention Consent by A.J. Rose, this book has people in two camps - mainly because there is a lot of "on screne" abuse of one of the secondary (female) characters. I personally thought it was very well done, necessary to progress the plot and not overly glamourised, but I do appreciate that it will divide people's opinion - not just because of it being fairly graphic violence against a woman in their M/M book, but also because it takes the focus away from Ben and Gavin and their relationship.  That said, I did enjoy the book.

1. The Last Thing He Needs - J.H. Knight
2. Safe in his arms- Renae Kaye
3. The Fall - Kate Sherwood
4. Venetian Masks - Kim Fielding
5. Blue Mountain - Cardeno C.
6. That Day in Spring - B.J. Sheppard (LL)
7. Red Dirt Heart 4 - N. R. Walker
8. Death Trick - Richard Stevenson
9. Island House - Bru Baker
10. Enigma - Lloyd A. Meeker
11. The Bridge on the River Wye - Adam Fitzroy
12. Window - Ali Maclagan (LL)
13. Winter Hearts - Fyn Alexander
14. Not as Easy as it Looks - Jamie Samms
15. Consent - A.J. Rose
16. Noah - Ben Ryder
17. Flight of Magpies - K.J. Charles
18. Marketing Beef - Rick Bettencourt (LL)
19. Fighting Instinct - Mary Calmes
20. Overkill - Elizabeth Daniels (LL)
21. Waiting, Hoping, Wishing - Nic Starr (LL)
22. Zippadicious - A.R. Noble (LL)
23. Caught Running - Urban & Roux (r)


And so onwards to February and trying to read and stay warm....