Living in a fantasy world....

Okay, well I did say I was on a bit of a fantasy kick at present....

At the back end of last week I fancied some comfort reading so I read the Tiffany Aching series of Discworld books (Wee Free Men, Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith & I Shall Wear Midnight) by Terry Pratchett..... (I won't take the Kindle up to bed for fear of death by feline so I tend to re-read paperbacks I already own as I don't seem to be buying them any more).... I then started, at stupid o'clock on Saturday morning re-reading the prequel to the Belgariad (Belgarath the Sorcerer by David Eddings).....

Switching to the Kindle a few hours later and Concubine by Jill Knowles was next on my to read list.....

After a little light research on line for my NaNo Project... thankfully non fantasy (Ha! I say this now) ... I decided that I would do some TV watching and through the magic of cable TV and in my wisdom decided to spend a good few hours watching The Lord of the Rings.... well dozed on and off on the sofa whilst it was on..... only switching over to watch Merlin (after safely hiding the plot bunny as his ideas about Sir's Gwaine and Percival are, well, lets just say, it would get them kicked out of the Knights of the Round Table for sure....)

This morning I finished watching the Return of the King after I'd taken the dogs out at a time on a Sunday morning which for normal people only happens on the way back from a really good night out.... and then started reading The Druid Stone by Heidi Belleau & Violetta Vane.....

and then I fell asleep......... and landed in the most visually real but at the same time disturbingly surreal dream  in which I was thrown into a highly weird (and very blue like the picture above) fantasy world...... thankfully there were no dragons.... but it was a good thing I know how to use a bow and arrow or I might not have got out alive.........

As it was, reality returned when Gretchen landed on my head to see if I was interested in perhaps getting up and feeding her........... I think I might have to read something other than fantasy next.....

A question of "Angst"

I think I might be missing something when I am reading...... but I just don't get the concept of "Angst".... Now I don't think this is a British stiff upper lip thing, I think it might actually just be me.

I can come with the concept of plot lines where bad things happen to characters and their is much drama and woe, though admittedly I do rely on the author to sort it all out by the time we get to "The End".  Maybe it's me, maybe I don't invest myself enough in the stories. Maybe I just don't get that connection with the characters... maybe my mind is just very slightly out of kilter with everyone else.

I see time and again book recommendations and reviews, even comments about authors that refer to "Angst" but actually, just what the hell is it exactly??

I have googled (as one does) and see that there are in fact numerous definitions, and in fact a whole load of gumph about the fact there is no definition of it....... The nearest I can work out is that it's to do with anxiety, worry and dread... but when reading, is this what I should feel about what might happen next or is this what the characters are portraying??

When I am writing, I am pretty sure I don't write "angst"... I know I can do emotional (or so I've been told....) I know when I've accidentally killed off characters (yes, accidentally, I never start with that intent, it just sort of happens occasionally) I haven't felt that it's been particularly traumatic but my beta readers have said that it is.... again is this me, can I just not connect with the characters, even my own  (okay admittedly half the time I am writing I kind of feel like the character is talking through my hands and my own input is pretty minimal)

Maybe I'm just not an angsty person.... I shall try harder to find the angst to see if I can work out what on earth I am missing out on.

Midweek music....

*sigh* I have spent the past 3 hours wrestling with a story lodged in my head..... the problem is when I try to get it out the words sound wooden and wrong, the story is there, the characters are speaking to me, but there is some fault in the connection between brain and fingers..... I shall probably end up reverting to the notebook and pen that lives next to the bed at silly o'clock in the morning when the words line up properly and flow..... I wouldn't mind but this has been kicking around in my head for the April YA photo story prompt since the beginning of the month and I'm rapidly running out of time!

Aside from that, I have a serious case of ear worm, and for once it's not the theme tune to The Muppets!  I hadn't heard this song for ages till it came on the radio last night as I was driving home from work, and it's been cycling about in my inner ear for over 24 hours so I thought I'd share.....

February short story...

Better late than never :)...

My short story for the photo prompt .....>

The day was oppressively warm, with no breeze the air felt heavy.  As had become habit since we moved here a couple of weeks ago, I turned up my nose at the breakfast offered to me and wandered out into the garden.  I sat in a patch of sunshine on the patio and groomed my long ginger fur until I was sure the rest of the family had stopped watching me, before slipping quietly through the hole in the hedge. 

By sight and scent, I found Terri where I expected her to be; sitting on the ground, her back against the sun warmed bark of the old apple tree, the e-reader balanced on her knees. She didn’t notice me as I silently stalked across the lawn, my chest lowering to the grass as I moved.  I waited, my tail thrashing from side to side, then, with a chirruping “meow”, pounced playfully on the purple nailed toes that peeped out the end of her sandals.

She laughed as I rubbed my head around her ankles, then reaching forwards she pulled me onto her lap, where I continued to nuzzle her hands as she scratched around my ears.

“Good morning Cat,” she said warmly as she bent down to kiss my head. I nuzzled against her chin, breathing in her scent even as I marked her with mine.

It was too warm for us to settle into our usual positions, where I would curl up on her lap beneath the e-reader with her hand stroking gently along my back.  Instead I slipped off her knees to one side, lying full length alongside but not quite touching her leg on the warm grass; unconsciously her hand continued to stroke the soft white fur on my belly as I purred us both to sleep.

The first rumble of thunder woke us, the air charged with static that made the fur rise along my back.  It was still just as warm but the sky was no longer blue, the sun hidden by heavy black clouds.  Rising swiftly Terri scooped me up and cradled me in her arms as she ran for the back door of her house. I could feel her heartbeat hammering in her chest; she didn’t like storms anymore than I did.  As she reached for the door handle the thunder rolled again, in my head I started to count, just ten seconds later the dark sky was split suddenly by a blot of lightening.  The storm was approaching quickly.

The door wouldn’t open.  Terri hammered on it with her knuckles, but no one came.  With me still held fast in her arms, she turned away and started to run towards the far end of the garden and the shelter of the wooden summer house.  Scrambling up the shallow steps we tumbled through the open door as the first fat drops of rain began to fall. 

Her hands were shaking as she lowered me carefully to the ground.  I purred as loudly as I could as I wound my way around her ankles, trying to relieve her anxiety as well as my own with the continued touch and sound. 

The storm was getting closer, the gap between thunder and lightning growing ever shorter. 

“I can do this,” Terri’s tone was determined but I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to herself.  I sat and watched as she lifted the lid of the wooden storage box and pulled out an old picnic blanket which she spread on the wooden floor. 

Sinking down cross legged onto the blanket, she put out her hand towards me, rubbing her fingers together.

 “Come over here Cat,” I could hear the slight tremor in her voice as she spoke. Slowly I moved towards her, as I did the thunder cracked directly over head, followed instantly by a flash of lightening which for a second illuminated the summerhouse brightly.  The rain began to fall harder, sounding like a heavy drum beat on the wooden roof.  Instinctively my ears flattened out sideways, my tail hung low, twitching slightly, I ran towards her.

She pulled me onto her lap and I snuggled into the gap between her crossed legs seeking both warmth and reassurance. Although her hands caressed my head I couldn’t bring myself to purr, the ability crippled by my own anxiety.   Together we sat and silently watched the storm raging outside the window. 

After a while Terri began to fidget, her hands leaving my back and rubbing her temples, I mewed an enquiry at her.

“Headache,” she said shortly. Lifting me from her lap she slowly removed the green shirt she’d been wearing and rolled it up into a strip which she tied over her eyes to block out the sight of the lightening flashes, that still split the sky at regular intervals.  Slowly she lowered herself onto her back on the blanket and lay still.

I watched over her as she slept.  I felt some sort of connection, an attraction, to this girl; I had since the moment I first found my way through the hole in the hedge.

Maybe it was because neither of us were particularly happy.  Hells I was downright sulking at being forced to leave the home and school I loved just because my father’s firm had decided relocate him.  I’d pleaded that as I was seventeen I was grown up enough to be allowed to stay with friends to do my final year at school, but no, it was deemed to dangerous for me to be away from my family. 

I wasn’t the only one unhappy with the move.  The house we’d moved into had been the home of Terri’s, until then, inseparable best friend, the person with whom the hole in the hedge had been created.  She was angry and missing him badly, taking out her frustration by engaging in bitter arguments with her parents which invariably resulted in her being sent out to sit in the garden and calm down. 

Over the last two week’s we’d spent most days together, with me curled up on her lap whilst she read, or talked.  She’d told me of her loneliness at missing her friend, of her feelings towards her family, of past girlfriends and boyfriends, of hopes and dreams.  As she’d talked I kneaded her leg with my paws, purring gently, trying to sooth.  Part of me wanted to change form, to be able to put my arms around her and hold her, to touch her with a hand rather than a paw.

I watched her breathing become slow and even, as she fell into a deeper sleep. The longing to touch her grew within me until the desire was impossible to ignore. 

Carefully moving away from her I gathered my focus inwardly and formed an image of myself in my mind, before slowly beginning to change.  The change isn’t a painful process, but holding the image you are moving into is both difficult and tiring.  It was some minutes before the change was complete and I came to, lying on the wooden floor panting slightly.

My hair fell untidily round my head and I fought the automatic feline reaction to lick my hand and use it to smooth the hair into place as though I was grooming.  Slowly I rose to my feet and as quietly as I could began to move towards Terri.

Crouching down beside her I noticed the differences between my human and feline senses.  Her skin was much paler than I remembered, almost a porcelain white.  Her scent was still as attractive, but much softer.  As I slowly leant over her my hair fell forwards onto her chest, her lips curled into a smile but she remained still.  I froze waiting to see what she would do. 

“Hello Cat,” she said warmly, her smile widening. Her breath felt warm against my face.

“You knew?” I asked softly as I hung over her still unmoving.

Still smiling she nodded.  Her hand, which had been resting beside her head reached up towards my face and gently stroked my cheek in almost a reflection of the gesture she’d made when I was in feline form.  Her hands were soft, warmer on skin than on fur.

“Do you want to kiss me?” she asked

“Yes,” I purred as I moved towards her.

Bits and pieces post...

Today has been mostly about housework... that necessary evil that I can never get the critters to do for me.

That said, in my experience, the act of cleaning on the cat litter tray, whilst generally revolting is possibly the most grounding thing I can do... no matter how excited I get about something, or wound up for that matter, or if I blow things out of all proportion... there is always the cat litter tray to clean out...

Ok, aside from that - come deadline time I still was wavering about putting myself forward for the Love is always Write story that I had ideas for... it wasn't grabbed initially so I said I'd wait for an hour and then if not claimed I'd go for it...I'm really really glad I waited as the story was taken by Josephine Myles and given that she's one of my fav M/M authors I couldn't be more pleased I didn't go for it!

I still have the plot outline and synopsis, plus some character work, so I can always write it for myself in any event :)

This evening I had an official summons for Sunday Dinner at Mother's (yes it deserves capitals) which I remembered 30 minutes before I needed to leave - at which point I was still in dog clothes and in desperate need of a shower/hairwash... dinner was great.. though I did get the motherly glare the all three syllables of my full name said in that oh so special way for turning up a bit late!

Back to work tomorrow... weekends are too short...

Decisions, decisions.... or not in fact...

I totally suck at making decisions... I know this, I am the person who when asked what I want to eat at a restaurant or from a take away will sit staring blankly at the menu until someone basically tells me what I am having (you'd think having a more limited choice as a veggie would make it easier, but no).

So, today's big decision that I have failed totally to make... to put in a bid for one of the photo prompts on the Love is Always Write or not...

I have an idea, well, erm, I have an idea, a story outline, a brief synopsis and character names (which in itself is quite unusual for me) for one of the photos.... but... I also have reservations

I don't usually write to a timetable/deadline... I am a sporadic writer at best, probably because I am also working full time, trying to finish this professional qualification thing ... I can, when the mindset hits simply sit and write for hours/days, but there is no guarantee that will happen.... I wouldn't want to pick up the prompt and then let people down because I couldn't get the story out.

Then there is the other side of it.... can I really do this? Is my writing good enough? Now I've had a couple of people tell me that it is (including an M/M writer on the group) but, erk, I don't know...

I have till about 5 pm tomorrow (if  my time conversion skills are working) to make a decision on this.... though I have a feeling the prompt that is causing this is one that will go quickly so I will have to do something definite rather than just meander past later on and see if it's still available.

On the other hand, I could just use the prompt anyway and write the story for myself.... which whist this means no pressure and aside from my beta readers it won't see the light of day...

Ok, officially no clue what I am going to do about this, I was hoping putting this down would help make it clearer in my mind, but alas no

Short rambling on the subject of love...

Call it what you want... Valentines day or Singles Awareness Day (or hell, my best friend's birthday.. which she I am sure she would agree is much more important ;o).... today is the one day you can't get away from the subject of love....whether it be heartfelt declarations or hideous tacky pink cards with cheap flowers and chocolates attached (sorry, always seemed a hollow gesture to me... we used to try for something original).

I always see love as being at the same time the most simple thing in the world, and at the same time the most difficult and complicated thing you'll ever come across.... you can never fight as hard either for or against someone you truly love.

Now I might be single, but I remain unerringly optimistic on the subject of love and the fairytale ending of "happily ever after".... but whether you are talking about the the "in love" kind of love, or the more general love you have for someone (or something), I don't think it's possible to live without love.

That said I also know at times the hardest thing in the world can be to love yourself enough to let other people love you.  The heart gets a lot of the blame about love, but it's really only a muscle... sure there is some hormonal involvement in all types of love, but at the end of the day for me it's the mindset and mentality that leads you to love.

So whilst in my case my love is shared around my friends and family without that one "special person" I think it's still important to celebrate the fact that love is important in whatever shape or form it comes

Research... the old fashioned way...

Today has been one of relaxing and reading... Whilst there was some lurking in the corner of the sofa with the Kindle I had initially intended to spend a fair bit of time on the net looking up some bits and pieces for a story challenge... one I really have no excuses not to do seeing as I actually set the challenge!

Then my internet connection failed...... and the broadband.... and my phone... and my smart phone did the whole "you have no more minutes this month unless you want to pay a fortune" thing so that got switched off too.

So I went back to basics... and to real books.... which given what I was researching meant big heavy old hard back books, the ones with the thick paper and that special sort of crinkle to them.  Now, okay, these are my books and I dabble in them fairly frequently, but normally just to clarify what I want... not this time, I wanted a whole new set of information and had a wonderful time.  Time passed so quickly whilst I was reading and my challenge story is taking shape quite well.... though not sure I will get it to under 1000 words (hell what am I talking about, this is me, the completely ocd side of me will demand it's exactly 1000 words).

My head is now quite scarily full of strange ideas and stories, which may cause some strange dreams as a lot of today's research involved demons and folklore, with a few bits of superstition and history thrown into the mix..... luckily I have my notepad and pen tucked away in the bedside table just in case the ideas demand to be written in the middle of the night!

Mumblings on the Happily Ever After

One of my closest friends and I have a lot in common, not least of which is our love of books, in fact we got to know one another through an internet forum dedicated to a particular author.  That said, we both have quite wide ranging tastes and they don't always mesh.

The main example of this is the whole topic of romance fiction and in particular the happily ever after (she finds my obsession with M/M fiction hysterically funny for some reason - save for using the book covers to freak out her 17 year old daughter (who is also by her own choice my half daughter).  Her Aspergers syndrome/Autism means that she doesn't do the whole icky relationship thing and show her a cover with a half naked man on it and she'll run screaming ).

Now whilst my friend is (now - it's not always been that way) the happily married mother of three and I am the cynical single lesbian with a track record on relationships that would raise a few eyebrows, it's actually me that is the secret hopeless romantic who likes the books that finish "and they all lived happily ever after".

I did ask her earlier on if she could explain why... but as she has a toddler, two teenagers, husband, 2 dogs, several cats and a knitting habit worse than my own she could only manage a short summary...

"In a nutshell: cos that's not how life EVER works out, and the end of a book is NOT the end of the story."

Ok, now this is fair enough, and yes I suppose in real life any relationship doesn't just go on forever with no bumps in the road, but I'd like to believe that some relationships will go the distance and everything will work out.  I also know the end of a book isn't the end of the story, well it is, unless the author can be pestered for more - but, hell, I'm the one who in unguarded moments can find myself sitting there suddenly wondering 'I wonder what so and so from whatever book is doing now' and then let my imagination drift and before I know it in my mind I've a picture of "what happened next"... and you know what, it's nearly always a happy ending - see told you, hopeless romantic.

The thing is, 99% of the time, I can keep myself grounded to knowing that fiction is fiction, and whilst real life may occasionally smack you in the fact with the unexpected I am happy for my reading to be, well, if not by genre at least by the standards of my life, fantasy.....  Maybe this is what gives me a glimmer of hope that one day I will find a happily ever after of my own.

Attack of the Vampire Bunnies.....

Not really, an out of control plot bunny maybe!  My plot bunny (he goes by the name of Rupert, originally from Australia but with a keen sense of adventure.  He's been with me for about 10 years after he hitched a ride from Platform 14 of Manchester Piccadilly Station one wet and windy Sunday afternoon as I made my way back home after a weekend away.  Since then he has whispered at me, nagged me and argued long and loud with the characters in my head about what they are going to do next) bit quite hard, but oh so subtly about six weeks ago.... normally he's not a big one for subtle but this time there has been a slow gradual build of whispering too me...

it started with this picture...

(and normally I am so careful not to let him access the net)...

Anyway, green eyed girl is a cat shifter (domestic cat - which makes her a Class 2 shifter (Class 1's are high prey drive animals, Class 2 are domesticated carnivores and Class 3 the harmless fluffy things mainly) who is currently sulking and refusing to change back into human form as her parents have ripped her away from her home and friends to move to the other end of the country.

The blindfolded girl is an elemental... my preference is for a fire elemental but the bunny is chanting Earth at me.... she is none to happy as her girlfriend dumped her at the beginning of the summer holidays, her best friend who lived next door has moved away and her parents are constantly fighting...

Misery loves company as you know....and cats are attracted to the body heat of a human (or not quite human), particularly a fire (or earth apparently) which are a degree or two warmer than a "neutral" (non elemental/shifter/fae type) and a lot warmer than either water or air elementals (water elementals particularly, when they get annoyed they freeze things...)

I have some thoughts about where the plot of this is going, ably assisted by this photo I found.....


I may give in on this one and just let the bunny and the character guide me and see what happens....

Great Expectations...

No I'm not going to talk about Dickens.... and I've never been able to consider the serious portrayal of Miss Haversham since reading Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next books... well you wouldn't if you see her in your mind racing the car against Toad of Toad Hall...

As anyone whose read this blog will know, I read anything, seriously, if it's got words on it, put it in front of me and I'll read it (ok, if it's instructions, or say a recipe I might not do what it suggests, but I will read it) ... the thing is whilst I might read some books I might not actually enjoy them... despite what friends who recommend them, or reviews I've read suggest.

As an example, some friends rave about them, but I don't like the Pern books by Anne McCaffrey, which as I do read a lot of fantasy I probably should like them, I've tried reading them but no, doesn't happen for me... though I think this maybe because I just don't do dragons (and get very annoyed with the fact that some fantasy authors only seem to think it is proper fantasy if there is an obligatory dragon in it, even if it serves no real purpose).

As a completest I keep buying books in a series as they come out even if I find the odd book that doesn't quite do it for me (I got very concerned that one of my series, the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett, were going this way after reading Unseen Academicals, but thankfully it's just a one off and it got back on track with both the last Tiffany Aching book and then Snuff - though I do wonder with his illness how long he and his assistant Rob can keep going).

Sometimes it's not a weak book in a series, or a bad thought out plot, take the Harry Potter books, I enjoyed reading them I found after the fourth book I was tempted to get out the red pen and go through editing to tighten up the story (don't start me on halitosis suffering sparkly vampires, really, no, just no).

Which leads me after a long winded waffle to the point of the post... on Christmas day, in my excitement at being the proud owner of SmutKindle and some vouchers I bought those books that had been at the top of my wish list to read but which I refused to pay a fortune for the paperbacks for... and a couple of them are still sitting on the kindle unread despite the fact that I have since bought yet more books (hurrah for free books and ones of under £2).... the only reason for this is that I am worried I am going to be disappointed by  them having read rave reviews just about everywhere I have built up in my mind that these books, and one in particular, are going to be wonderful....and I don't want to be disappointed, I probably won't be, but in the back of my mind there is this nagging feeling that I might not get the enjoyment out of the story I am expecting.

I should just bite the bullet and read the damn things!

Nano musings... the role of fan fic in my writing...

The day before NaNo kicks of and, unsurprisingly, I’ve been thinking more and more about writing, particularly my own… (no honestly, not to stem the rising feeling of “What am I thinking??”).

I’ve always scribbled for my own amusement, my mother a couple of months back was cleaning out the attic and found one of the earliest things I wrote (a time slip type murder story) when I was about 10 following a visit to a ruined castle.  It’s actually not that bad for a 10 year old.

I more or less stopped writing at the age of 14, thanks to an English teacher who was very dismissive of my work and consistently marked it two grades below where it should have been (In the end I had to have all of my coursework re-marked externally to prove that she was deliberately doing this).  This left me with a huge crisis of confidence over whether I could write which unfortunately persists today (And is probably the reason why despite having written, had proof read and edited, a novel which I am still not confident enough about to send out to an agent, despite the frequent nagging of my beta readers/guinea pigs – it’s not even due to a fear of rejection, that happens to everyone, but more because I can’t get my head round the fact that it might be good enough).

Anyway, roll forward to my days of spending more time on line and discovering the joys of bulletin boards and fan websites.  I started writing again in 2002, my first attempts at fan fiction… which were nearly all in the YA/Children’s genres (my original work tends to be YA/Fantasy).  Since then, fan fiction wise, I’ve written several short stories, some proper 100 word drabbles (which are harder than I thought), and with the help of an adopted plot bunny 2 full length finished pieces and 1 not quite finished… I’ve also written a couple of crossovers between authors and genres (fun but very hard to keep your head straight).  My fan fiction was posted on line and I had a lot of help, encouragement and support from the other site users which helped my confidence… or at least with the fan fiction (the only original work I’ve posted on line was a 300 word short shot story)

Even when I fan fic it’s tended to be developing a character after they’ve left the setting that the author portrayed them in or moving say the main setting of the book and some characters to the modern day and then adding a whole new set of characters.  I am not overly keen on putting my story into the middle of the author’s own words… (Really not big on the whole phenomenon of fill in stories by other authors or a new author continuing a series after the original author died)

One thing that I don’t think I will ever do again is to fan fic the work of a living author, particularly one who is still writing about the characters... I did this in the crossover I wrote and then panicked somewhat when another site user pointed out that this particular author frequently searched for fan fics and read them…..

It’s a combination of the fear of upsetting an author whose work I enjoy and the fact that I don’t think it’s particularly fair… I wouldn’t particularly like it if someone did it with character’s I’d spent the time nurturing to life and writing about (though this doesn’t stop me from having evil plot bunnies that plant ideas they shouldn’t… such as  - How does Rex the Hamster in the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich live so long? - I am sure Ranger has a secret Rex breeding project so he and Morelli can replace Rex each time he dies…… Or the more recent one about what happens if Zane & Ty from the Cut & Run books of Urban & Roux got seconded to NCIS….)

I am looking forward to starting NaNo tomorrow… and for the first time trying my hand at writing something not in the YA/Children’s Genre… I am not so sure that if I do finish, or even get part way through, what I write will ever see the light of day outside of my own computer.

NaNo preparations and plotting...

Having read back yesterday's rather needy and pathetically whining post I was tempted to delete it and pretend it hadn't happened... but, after thinking some more I decided, no in fact I should leave it... if nothing else, it will perhaps serve as a reminder that I have moved on the next time she phones!

OK, onwards and upwards.  Today has been one of indulgence on my part, I went for coffee and gossiping and then have spent the afternoon reading (finished A Bit of Rough by Laura Baumbach, and then someone re-tweeted a link to MLR's free read for today, which was Cheating Chance by James Buchanan... have now moved on to Roughousing (sequel to Bit of Rough) because I am a completest and my OCD tendencies kick in strongly at times like this and I will buy all books in a short series in one go, even if I've no idea if I'll like the books)

I have also been plotting for NaNo.  I think I am pretty much set on the contemporary M/M story... I have the main character's bio's outlined, I have pictures to represent them and I have relevant song lyrics and other inspirational things all ready to put up on the wall in the kitchen above my lap top tomorrow.

My plan is to write first thing in the morning before I go to work.  With the clocks going back tonight and the dogs not understanding the whole concept of an extra hour in bed I shall be up at silly o'clock for at least a week till they sort out their body clocks, I am guessing I can get at least a couple of hours in between walking them and having to get ready for work... providing I can avoid being distracted by the wonders of the interweb.

So that's it, all set, I think, I hope..... oh except one small thing... trying to work out whether to write first person from just one character's pov or whether to use third person and then I can have both points of view, and anyone else's whose passing for that matter.  I can and have written in both before, but in first person I have only ever written female characters and I wonder how difficult it will be to write a male character first person.. oh well, I've, oh 2 days left to work that one out!

Coundown to NanoWriMo.... planning

It will be November in just over a week (which reminds me, must buy my sister's birthday present) and the start of NaNo - 50,000 words of "novel" in a month... I signed up for this why?

Okay, so anyway, today I have been planning.  Whilst I have 2 stories on the go at present (part 2 of Guardians of Hope - YA fantasy(ish) and In Between - againYA, but contemporaryish) these have parts written so I can't use them.

I sifted through the voices in my head, asking if anyone had any strong desire to be heard during November (yep, that's as far as planning on a story gets - I write what I'm told... it works for me). Anyway they came through with three potentials to chose from.

- A contemporary M/M story for which my inspiration some of the lyrics from song Keep Yourself Warm by Frightened Rabbit. 

- A fantasy story involving a rare male Dryad who when reaching his majority and the obligation to bind with another refuses the spellcaster's daughter and is subsequently locked out of his tree and will die if he can't find a mate of his own choosing and get back into it.

- A re-telling of Little Red Riding Hood - involving an all to knowing grandmother, a lonely werewolf, an overbearing tree surgeon and a stroppy twink in a red hoody.


I have a few issues with all three so not sure - the first could prove difficult to write if my characters take me where they are indicating and could cause some triggering issues of domestic violence and eating disorders.  The second I am not sure where it's going at all, save for it's going to involve some fun world building.  As for the third I'm not sure if i can get to the word count and am struggling over setting (being in the UK I write in settings I'm familiar with if I am basing them in the real world - the UK has no wild wolves, big game is not freely roaming the countryside and hunting with dogs is illegal).


So whilst I stew over that I am going to turn my kitchen table round to face the wall and find some inspirational photographs, lyrics, maps etc to pin up on the wall above the lap top.

Lost for Words

Today has reminded me of the power of words - spoken, written and read.  The saying goes that the pen is mightier than the sword, and whilst it's not something I'm willing to test in a duel, words certainly can cut deep.

The Internet is a wonderful thing... but at the same time it's a dangerous playground.  When you release words, thoughts, emotions onto the net it's done when staring at a blank screen and not thinking to hard who is reading. 

If you could look through your computer, through the net, through the back of the computer into the eyes of the person reading at the other end... would you continue?  Would you say to someones face what you type? Someone you don't really know?  Someone you've never met in person? 

The Internet gives anyone who uses it power..... thinking before typing, before hitting send, before posting, it doesn't take a a second, yet it's so easily over looked.

Tact and I weren't really on speaking terms when I was younger and my mother had a phrase she used to repeat to me quite frequently - Engage brain before opening mouth.  I know from bitter experience that you can't take back what you've said online - and I'm sorry to say I've been on both sides - I learnt from my experiences I can only hope that after what I've witnessed today others can learn from theirs.


I think an evening off the net is called for, my books arrived from Dreamspinner today (and I've just discovered that they are all autographed) so I am going to lose myself in other peoples words that can't hurt anyone for a while.

It's just the little things....

Well, some of my visitors have gone home again now, the last one goes tomorrow, but as she is also a bookworm we are spending a lot of time reading and talking books, which we've kind of done all weekend. 

All three of them had a major nagging session at me on Monday about keeping up with my own writing, and specifically writing the continuation of the novel length piece I wrote, they've read, it's been basically edited and now I am far too chicken to submit it anywhere because on a personal level I don't feel that it's good enough (though in my heart of hearts given the current state of some YA/Children's books it probably is, but I am a chicken).

One of the things were were talking about was what bugs us about books we are reading, which for me boils down to two gripes, one minor one and one, totally personal, major one. 

The minor ones.... why can't authors keep their characters biography's straight?  Ok, so, the author of one of the series of children's books I read/collect is notorious for this - her characters age strangely, change family histories, sometimes even names... but these stories were written between about 1925 and 1960 when let's face it children's books were churned out by major publishing houses with not too much editing and proof reading.  These days, with agents and professional editors, not to mention beta readers, surely it should be something that's picked up on.

Two that have stood out recently for me was an MC explaining he cooked well because he was the youngest of four children and spent a lot of time with his mother, a few pages later the MC's are talking about whether their parents were alive, and the same MC explains that he was an only child arriving late in his parents life. 

The other one was two different spellings of the MC's name within a paragraph, yep on the same page, which is just poor editing really

So the major gripe, and personal one for me... because of my hobby I have spent the last 15 or so years learning a lot about dog breeds, canine and lupine behaviour, body language and anatomy as well as lupine pack structure (I don't subscribe to domestic dogs living in packs .. and I live in a multi-dog household).  This means I have huge issues with paranormal stories involving any form of wolf shifters, dog shifters or werewolves generally.  If the basics are wrong, particularly regarding body language and pack dynamics, which are easily researched, I'm afraid I end up getting so wound up by the book that I don't enjoy it (I'll still read it, cos hey, it's a book and this is what I do). 

The other part to this gripe is authors that spend an inordinate amount of time describing a dog in detail, only to then name it as a breed that it either doesn't match their physical description or doesn't exist in the time/country they have set their work in...

See, just the little things, but they can really ruin a good story.

The Sex to Storyline Ratio...

I appear to be continuing with my budding friendship with the man who does the early shift on the post office parcel collection point... he seemed quite pleased to see me yesterday morning when I went to pick up my books.  Though it was more likely that it was due to the fact that because I wanted my books I was nice, polite and cheerful ... unlike the grumpy sod who was in front of me in the queue who had just shouted at him.

Anyway, since then I have worked, gone to quiz night (we won the best team name prize, but not the actual quiz) and today I went to work again, but finished at lunch time..... and between those things I appear to have read all three of the books I picked up.  I did sleep, but apparently 5 hours is enough sleep ... or at least as much as I am getting anyway.

All this goes to highlight one of the problems I have discovered since I fell into reading M/M books about 6 months or so ago... they really are far too easy to read and don't really challenge me at all.  The other big problem is that they are bloody expensive - particularly when you read fast and buy paperbacks!

The books themselves were the Common Powers trilogy (Soul Bonds, Rush in the Dark, Edward, Unconditionally).... I tend not to review books, but suffice to say I liked them, particularly the idea behind the powers themselves but felt that this was just a hook to get you into the series, it didn't really develop anything outside of the relationship between the MCs. To be honest, had I not been a major complete series freak (and believe me, having favourite authors in other genres whose works run to 18 (ish) (crime), 30 and going (fantasy) and even 64 plus fill ins by other authors (Children's/GO) then 3 is nothing!) had I just bought the first, I wouldn't have bothered with the others, which would have been a shame as I felt they progressively improved in terms of story line as they went along.

They also left me with another thought to toss around in my mind.  I am hoping for NaNo to write a M/M contemporary story, and whereas usually I don't plan ahead what I will write - rather I just sit and type what appears between brain and fingers (which can mean I surprise myself - certainly did when I read back a chapter of something and discovered I'd killed one of my characters!).  However, having only got 30 days and 50,000 words to try and get out (not to mention that the rest of my life won't stop whilst I try and do this) I've been planning and researching - which of course also involves reading the genre.  Now the question that these three books threw at me is - what is the correct ratio of sex/storyline?  I know that this is something that is very reader dependant - I found the 1st book in this set to be far too much sex and not enough story, the 2nd had morphed to lots of phone sex and little contact and a slightly improved storyline, the 3rd had the most involved of the story lines and the least sex (the dog helped my enjoyment level - though dogs in books, and werewolves can be a major issue for me if the writer knows nothing about basic anatomy, breed description or behaviour)

Now I'm not bothered if the sex side of things a full on graphic description or a fades to grey kind of moment, the thing is the scene has to fit, it's not just there because say, after 30 pages there must be sex because that's the type of book it is.

I shall have to ponder this one for a bit longer I think.  It will keep me occupied whilst I drive tomorrow.

Aural Stimulation

As someone who spends a lot of time reading and a fair amount of it writing, it’s not unexpected that I have a bit of a geek thing going on over words.

For me it’s not just the written word, spoken, and particularly sung, words get to my emotions very easily.  I have a thing for accents too, particularly Scottish accents; and the speaker or singer can be either male or female.  If the accent is right I will just melt a bit (or have to stop the car, shut my eyes and just listen in the case of a radio interview yesterday). This could also explain why a lot of my favourite bands are Scottish (other Celtic languages do the same thing, but not to the same extent).

I can’t abide silence and have music playing pretty much the entire time I’m conscious, whether it’s the radio on in the background, cd’s in the car, or my mp3 player which I listen to the entire time I’m working. In fact I frequently find myself side tracked from working to type out lyrics to the songs I’m listening to.

 I find inspiration in the lyrics, particularly those which tell a story or at least hint at a story.  It doesn’t have to be the story that the creator of the lyric intended, my mind can spin the story so that I can actually see the scenes play out in my head.  Two of my current WIP’s came about through three or four lines in a song and in one they form the background to the way one of the characters acts.

Sometimes though, I just end up with an ear worm.  Today that earworm has been The Doves song There Goes the Fear.  I have yet to work out why.