Here we are now.... entertain us..

No, not a post to do with Nirvana at all (ok, save that I am waiting for a radio programme about Nevermind to start later on tonight)... in fact a post about dictated by my dearly beloved cats, who have been making it perfectly clear since I got home from work that my role as their worshipper, food provider and occasional scratching post is not being suitably fulfilled ...

They offer the following recommendations for any cat who finds their human is similarly failing in their only to be expected duties...

1.  Serenading... best done from a vantage point where the human cannot reach with the plant sprayer.. for example, locate yourself very firmly on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs and then sing as though your heart is breaking....for extra effect try the worried chirrup that makes it sound like you are in severe distress.

2.  Toy throwing... this works particularly well if your human is neglecting you for other four legged creatures who really should not be given house room... take the toys which are really really interesting, or loud, and throw them down the stairs... then go to the bottom of the stairs and make a huge song and dance of the fact you can't possibly reach them/take them back upstairs and despite the whole array of toys available, you just have to have that one, like, now!

3.  Bath time... now now self respecting cat would be found anywhere near a bath (though Hugo debates this as he's not adverse to joining the human in the shower, preferably via an attack on the shower curtain)... however, great fun can be had if you rip the stick on non slip bath mat from the bottom of the bath, don't pull it all the way up, just a bit at a time, fairly repeatedly, the noise will eventually get your human upstairs to investigate.... if this does not work, then a ping pong ball dropped in the bath and chased around, allowing it to clatter off the sides, works really well (watch for sneaky humans that get wise to this ploy and leave an inch or so of water in the bottom of the bath)

4.  Shelf rearrangement... it seems that most cat owning will have a bookshelf or 8... in times of high stress, particularly if your human is one of those that shelves methodically.. leaping on and off the bookshelves and removing as many books as possible to the floor is guaranteed to get you attention... some cats truly believe that Kindles and other e-readers have been designed by cat/book lovers simply to prevent this... however, such e-readers are a perfect size to sit on and block the entire reading screen if necessary.

5.  Assisting with laundry... there are two different methods for this.. If your human has a clothes airer then scaling the same, whilst carefully knocking off every single item of clothing, then making a flying leap (either at your human if they are in the room - extra points if you miss slightly and can get your claws in on the way down - or if there is no human available, try to leap from the airer onto the lampshade, then hang, again, extra points if you can dislodge the lampshade).... the other method is the daredevil hanger walk... if you human leaves clothes to dry on hangers suspended from the door frame, get on top of the door and then try to run across the row of hangers... it helps if there is something to leap onto at the other side of the run... your human is a good target (though if the run fails simply leap on them when they are not suspecting, extra points if you can hit a kidney or any other painful area).


If all of the above fail to get your human's attention, then go for the non subtle in your face approach and sit on the damn keyboard or in front of the screen, oh and don't forget, if you can get your paws up under the mouse hand, sudden attacks are appropriate.

(Yep I am apparently a bad owner because they have tried everything this evening!)