The wound part actually translates as grief and, whilst in away I think the saying holds true generally, some days you just get this ultra huge kick in the gut that says, remember me, the guilt, the loss, the absolute frickin emptiness that lodges around your heart.
Yup, that would be me today. I knew that there were going to be times this year when it was going to get me - in particular at the end of May which should have been my daughter's 18th birthday, but I hadn't figured on today.
Mother's day doesn't usually bother me, partially as I am extremely grateful to have my own mother still, particularly when I have close friends, many of whom are younger than I am, that don't, but also because my family have never been big on celebrating it - hells my father won't have anything to do with father's day which he just says is crass commercialism and we should be nice to him all year round anyway!
The trigger for all this is really stupid.... my mother handed me a small bunch of roses and said that the critters had phoned her and told her to buy it for me from them...... gah! Ok, firstly I hate that people think my animals are surrogate children, they aren't, they are pets, I may love them dearly (most of the time) but they are and always will be animals.... the second part was, I stood there looking at this damn bunch of roses with my mum smiling at me and thought "One of the things I always wanted most in the world and I'm never going to have this."
Nearly 18 years on, having lost something I never really had, it's really stupidly hard how much it can hurt and the wanting for something I can never have just makes me feel completely empty.
*HUGS*
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