There isn't actually much that scares me completely stupid... I'll happily admit to things I get frightened about - like my parents and sister being sick, having to go past groups of teenagers when it's dark, or Gretchen getting off her lead... but down right completely pants wetting fear, nope not so much... apart from one stupid little thing.
Which I got smacked in the face with at 3 am this morning.... I woke up with a headache. Yes, I am completely terrified of having a headache.
I don't do headaches, or at least not in the general "I've got a headache take 2 paracetamol and wait half an hour for it to clear" kind of way.... mainly as the cocktail of pain meds I take for my back keep it well hidden... I also don't do migraines.
So this morning saw me go into a nice flat out spin panic of "oh shit, it's back." I tried lying flat, but that didn't relieve the pain, I sat up and it went off slightly, but not so much that I could just pretend it hadn't happened. I did, by dint of sitting very very still manage to fall back asleep and it had eased off when I woke up.. but the back ground fear is still there.
To be honest, I've been expecting this, the BIH (pseudo-tumour) is at least partially hormone driven and stupidly cystic ovaries have been causing me hell over the last couple of months - I did have a wibble about premature menopause (I've already been warned to expect a return of it when that eventually happens), but blood tests say no, and the doctors reckon it looks like one of the cysts could be leaking or about to burst - deep joy. I wish it would get it over with as the side effects of the screwed up hormone levels mean shaving every damn day or ending up with a better beard than most of my male colleagues!
Sometimes I really hate my body in all its screwed up messiness.
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