A feeling pathetic post..

Some times I seriously wish I'd left the phone to switch to the answer machine!

I had every intention of writing this evening, sat down, opened screen, phone rang and I answered thinking it would either be one of three people - mother, Friend 1 (who I shared a house with for five years at and after uni 18 years ago and we still speak/text every single day) or Friend 2 (though the timing would be wrong as it was about the time she and the toddler were probably out-staring each other over the whole bed time routine)..... No, it was option 4, a mutual friend of mine and the Ex from Hell.

Now what I don't understand is that why, after 4 years (shit that long!), apart people would still think I actually had any interest in what she was doing....... I certainly don't care, that stopped long ago, possibly about the same moment the fist flew the first time..... but I think what's worse is they tell me what she's been doing and always then justify it with "but I never believed a word that she used to say about you being useless at everything/psychotic etc".... Yeah, really, well why the fuck didn't you say anything whilst she quietly dismantled my confidence and my life?

So after the call I am now trying to reaffirm to myself that I am a strong person, I can do things, I am not psycho or in need of committing, I am capable....

Trouble is I still feel emotionally fragile after Sunday and all I actually want is someone to give me a hug and look after me........ which makes me feel even more pathetic...

Can we fast forward to the end of this month please and chalk March up to experience?