With my arms wrapped around him, his head buried in my chest, we
stood at the back of the crowd who had gathered on the front lawn of the school
for the memorial service; the candles they carried the only light.
Next to the main doors of the school a new shiny brass plaque had been
put up, on it were engraved the names of the three students most had come to
mourn.
“Are you sure? If we do
this there is no going back, you’re out.” I cautioned quietly as I rubbed my
hands over Jake’s shoulders. This was a huge step for my football
playing boyfriend. Whilst I had been out to my family and close
friends for a while now, he’d been determined, until the shooting, to remain in
the closet till after high school, when the issues of scholarships and closed
minded jocks where behind him.
“Yes, I have to, we have to,” Jake muttered into my
ear.
“For Jamie.”
“For Jamie,” he confirmed, then squeezing me tightly whispered in
my ear, “and for us.”
Pulling back slightly I looked into his face. “For
us?” I queried.
“Yes,” he nodded. “I don’t want to hide anymore, not
after this.”
We wound our way through the crowd, reaching our seats
amongst the other seniors as Principal Morgan took his place at the podium set
up before the school doors. Jake sat on one side of me and on the
other Keira, the tall willowy blonde who looked more like a stereotypical
cheerleader than the Honours student and class president she was reached over
and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Mai, the petite
oriental girl who was the senior class’s computer and maths genius, who was
sitting in the seat beyond lent around her.
“You came!” she grinned widely, her dark brown eyes shining behind
her glasses. “We’re really doing this?” A glare from
the Vice Principal where she sat with the other teachers to one side of the
podium prevented me from replying so I simply nodded.
We listened as Principal Morgan spoke sincerely on the need for
better gun control and then detailed the achievements of the three students
whose lives had been tragicáally cut short, who would never reach adulthood and
who would never take their places in society.
“In closing, I would just like to say that this school and its
staff take our responsibility to the students in our care seriously and we will
do everything possible to prevent such a tragedy ever happening again.” He
paused briefly, looking out over the assembled crowd. “I would now
like to call on our senior class president to say a few words on behalf of the
students.”
My gut cramped uncomfortably at his words. Part of me
couldn’t help thinking that if the school really did take their responsibility
to the students seriously, if they listened to us, if they actually saw what was
happening under their noses then all of this could have been avoided and four
lives would not have been wasted.
There was a scatter of polite applause as Principal Morgan returned
to his seat and at the same time Keira took her place at the podium.
Looking out over the crowd, and taking a deep breath she glanced quickly
towards the assembled staff members as if waiting for confirmation of something
before she began to speak.
“As Principal Morgan said, we are here this evening to remember the
lives of those students who were tragically and needlessly taken from us, but I
would like to take a moment to reflect that whilst the memorial plaque gives the
names of three students, in fact there were four lives taken from us in this
tragedy, not three.”
There were several gasps from the gathered crowed and even a couple
of angry mutters but I didn’t look round, instead I watched as Principal Morgan
rose from his seat and tried to move towards the podium, only to be blocked by
the Vice Principal. I couldn’t hear what she said to him as she
pushed him back towards his seat, but it looked like she told him to let her
speak.
“Whilst ultimately the actions of Jamie Rogers cannot be condoned,”
Keira continued. “I believe it is only right that he too should be
remembered as a victim. Jamie came out to his family and friends
when he was fifteen and for the following two years he was subject to a campaign
of harassment and bullying, including physical assaults. At first
he said nothing, just accepted what was happening as to be expected.
We might not have actually taken part in the bullying, but many of us saw
the hateful words spray painted on his locker, heard the name calling, even saw
the bruising, did any of us do anything to stop it? If we had
spoken up, if we had done something, anything, could we have prevented him
taking the lives of three other students and his own?
“As a student body we must all share some of the guilt
for contributing to the deaths of these four students.” Keira took a deep breath
and looked over towards us again; we’d helped her write this speech, we knew
what was coming. “Jamie was not the only gay student at this
school, but until recently he was the only out gay student.
Personally, I feel more responsible for what happened than most, because
whilst the bullies focused on Jamie, they left me alone.”
Keira raised her eyes to the crowd in front of her, her voice shook
slightly for the first time as she continued. “You see, I am gay
too, yet like everyone else I stood back and did nothing. So long
as the attention was not on me, I was all right. I will always ask
myself if it could have been different, if I could have helped in some way,
offered support instead of turning a blind eye to what was
happening.
“We must not let the deaths of Dean, Rob, Marisa and Jamie be
either forgotten or repeated. We have to learn from that bullying
and harassment, for whatever reason, is not acceptable and will not be
tolerated. From now on I don’t intend to remain silent, I will no
longer be invisible in this community and I know there are several others here
that feel the same way.”
As she finished speaking I rose to my feet, Jake and
Mai on each side of me doing the same. I had thought it would be
just the four of us, but it appeared that others had been quick to catch on to
what we were doing. From the other side of the lawn, where the
junior class were sitting, I saw two boys I didn’t recognise make their way to
join us. To my surprise Mr Collins, one of the younger members of
the maths department rose to his feet and started moving towards us, a uniformed
police officer coming out of the audience to join him.
When we reached the podium Keira stepped down and
moved into Mai’s arms, the smaller girl wrapping herself around her.
As they embraced I looked over at Jake, he was pale, but the look on his
face showed his determination to do this. I raised my eyebrows as
I reached out a hand. His eyes closed and he nodded, his arms
coming to meet mine as we came together in front of our friends, family,
classmates and the wider community.
“I love you,” he whispered as his lips brushed
mine.
“Always,” I sighed back into his mouth as the crowds around us
melted into the background and the only thing that mattered right now was the
boy in my arms.
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