(Don't) Mind The Gap

My work colleagues are by now pretty well aware that I am extremely broad minded about, well, everything.  They also know that I am just about un-shockable, but this doesn’t stop them from trying. 

(As an aside, they are not un-shockable, as I was recently reminded when I was standing with a small group I don’t spend much time with.  The only other female in the group made a catty comment about someone across the room perhaps forgetting her skirt as she appeared to be just wearing fairly thin and revealing tights – my eyes, and those of the other three with us looked over and without thinking I said “she’s not my type, but she has got good enough legs to show off”… I got some quite strangely horrified looks from the others... ah well, their problem)

Anyway, take this morning and the latest gossip that someone’s new partner is considerably younger than they are.  The conversation went like this

Me: “Yes, and?”

Them: “It’s a bit weird, he must be about 15 years older than her.”

Me: *shrug*

Them: “don’t you think it’s a bit, well,” cue face pulling

Me: “No, not really.” 

I decided to ignore the gossip after that and actually do some work.

Now this got me thinking, about age gaps in relationships… both real and fictional (age gaps that is, not the relationship), and why I have no issues with this.

Two of the genres I read a lot of (historical and M/M) do frequently contain relationships where there is a discernable age difference – talking 10 years plus here. 

With historical fiction I tend to read the stories which stick pretty much to the fact based history (ok, yes, it gets glamorised but I am not talking about a romance that happens to be set in the middle ages if you see what I mean).  In these the main characters chosen will usually include a couple with a large age difference – usually the male older than the female (though Eleanor of Aquitaine’s marriage to Henry II is significant as she was much older than him). I also read quite a lot of historical non-fiction, mainly from 9^th to 15^th Century but with an interest in Saxon and Viking history as well – which does demonstrate that age differences in relationships was the norm for that time.

In M/M fiction the age difference of the MC’s is a fairly frequent occurrence (whether contemporary or paranormal stories), usually with the older more experienced character taking on a more dominant role in the relationship, although this does occasionally get turned around.  Ok, so whilst age is shown as an issue in the majority of these stories you are guaranteed your happy ending – be it HFN or HEA – which is not always the case in real life.

So far as personal experience goes, whilst the biggest age gap for me has only been 4 years, the age gap between my parents is significant, in that my mum is 14 years older than my dad and whilst their marriage lasted “only” 17 years to this day they remain very good friends.  Okay, these days my mother would have probably been prosecuted for abusing a position of trust, not to mention that they’d have had the tabloids camped on the doorstep, because of their relationship – she was a teacher at dad’s school and they met during a teachers strike whilst he was still a pupil.. they married when Dad was 19 and I came along before his 21st birthday. 

I have friends in relationships where there are age differences of 10 years plus, and whilst like all relationships they have their issues age rarely seems to be a factor internally, but it’s one which outsiders will highlight as soon as any difficulties do arise.

I also have friends in other types of relationships (not counting same sex ones here – more the polyamorous, married yet open, D/s type) which I think that my work colleagues would probably struggle to get their heads round, but hey, so long as everyone is happy inside the relationships what’s the problem?

In reality I believe that relationships, and falling in love with someone, are pretty fluid things. Whilst the initial attraction may be based on looks and/or personality, other aspects, such as the age, and in some circumstances the gender, of the other person are just part and parcel of the whole person and something that you should just accept. Then again, I also believe that age is only a number and that life experience, your personality and outlook can make you mentally much older or younger than the number of years you’ve actually lived.