So that was 2012.... what next....

2012.... a year in which:
I learnt that I really don't do being poorly,
I became very familiar with being stuck on the sofa,
My parents health both had wobbles, mum now being fine, but dad still continues to deteriorate
My sister found a new partner and one year on they are still going strong
I didn't manage to electrocute myself (despite several near misses with the kettle, heater and light fittings),
I discovered that my destructive powers extended to my Kindle (but limited it to 3 replacements over the course of the year)
I spent far too much money on e-books
I spent far too much time reading said e-books
I took the plunge and wrote a story for more than just myself by taking part in LiAW
My internet friendships grew and provided me with some excellent memories, advice, support and parcels :)
oh yes, and I finally got my professional qualification.

So as I sit hear listening to some premature fireworks signalling the arrival of 2013 what am I hoping for....

That my mother continues in good health as she approaches her 75th birthday in the summer - and of course continues to embarrass me whenever she can!
That my dad's condition stays as stable as possible, or that if he does deteriorate then it happens quickly and without pain
That my sister and her partner's relationship continues to grow from strength to strength
That my friends who are pregnant have swift and safe deliveries of their expected daughters (who knows, the latest half daughter might get something hand knitted before her first birthday....)
That I continue to have a job and a roof over my head
That my critters behave themselves (yeah, I know, optimistic)
That my friendships, both online and in real life, continue to grow and flourish and that I can give back to my friends even part of what they give to me
That my leg continues to heal and there are no more set backs
That I can pluck up the courage to do more with my writing this year and in particular to join in and go to the UK GLBT writers and readers weekend in July

And with that, all that is left is to wish anyone reading this a happy and peaceful new year and all the best for 2013

Happy Christmas....

To all who read this, may you have a happy and peaceful festive season.

I hope you are all spending the time in warmth and safety with the ones you love.

May you all have a wonderful time.

With my very best wishes

*hugs*

K

Finding a focus....

This morning saw me actually get up before the dogs barked.... by 4.30 am I was in the car and off up onto the tops of the White Peak to my thinking stone in order to watch the Solstice sunrise.  Before now I've done a couple of Solstice celebrations with the local pagan grove, but I wanted to do this one alone.

My thinking stone ..... well it's a gritstone lump of rock in on a fairly high point of the moor with good views out over the peak district... it's fairly close to the picture that appears as my on-line avatar in various places.    While this morning didn't give me a brilliant view of the sunrise, cloud cover being somewhat thick, it was the perfect place for me to have an hour or so of peace and calm to try and get myself to focus on certain things as gradually it got lighter and I could see further and further into the distance.  There is something about the wide open spaces of the Peak, not to mention the peace and tranquillity, that allows me to put things into perspective.


My head has been a bit of a mess recently and I am drowning slightly in the whole work thing from last month.  I need to put it behind me, but am failing badly to do this... unfortunately, it's having a negative effect on me as I have lost for the first time since I started this job nearly four years ago the love of the job and the work I do.... I am not sure why it's sticking so badly, as far as work goes it's dealt with and the matter closed, trouble is I can't seem to get past it.  And therein lies one of those stupid problems that sometimes I can't forgive myself for things that aren't actually my fault in the first place.....I realised this morning that I have to let this go, I have to move on..... so that is the next big step to take.  I am not sure how I am going to do this, but I am going to try rather than let it build up any more inside me as I do want to go back to enjoying going into work again.

My friend AP's condition is starting to deteriorate quite quickly now.  She's at home receiving palliative care, and it does just feel a lot like waiting for the end.  Which has made me realise that life really is too short.  There are lots of things I'd like to do with my life, but as I am approaching 40 I am struggling to see where I am going at the moment.  I feel a lot like something is missing, but I am not sure exactly what or how to look for it.  There are some hang ups I still have as a result of past relationships which I need to work on putting behind me more... one of which is a huge trust issue I need to get over and I think this might be the starting point for moving forwards.  I need to learn to stop pretending my own issues are less important or less valid than other peoples and to learn to speak up when something is bothering me.  I know I have some bloody good friends out there, both in real life and on-line who will listen to me, I just need to open my mouth.  So this would be the other step to take.


It's only two things to work on at present, but they are quite big things for me.  I am not sure how I will achieve either, but I do know that I am going to make the effort and try.

I came back home feeling a little more together than I have been for a while, probably because I can at least now see a couple of things to work for....... (I was lucky, it didn't start raining till I was halfway home!)...so now I have to move forwards.

Winter Solstice

(Because it's important to me)

In the time of greatest darkness, comes the beginning of the light. Now is the time to cast away regrets and sorrows into the dying darkness in order that new hopes and dreams can be brought forth into the light

May next year be one of hope, happiness and fulfilment for everyone.  

Joyous Winter Solstice