Solstice Blessings....

The longest night has come once more,

the sun has set, and darkness fallen.

The trees are bare, the earth asleep, 

and the skies are cold and black. 

Yet tonight we rejoice, in this longest night, 

embracing the darkness that enfolds us. 

We welcome the night and all that it holds, 

as the light of the stars shines down. 

The sun returns! The light returns!

The earth begins to warm once more!

The time of darkness has passed,

and a path of light begins the new day.

Welcome, welcome, the heat of the sun,

blessing us all with its rays. 

(Traditional Winter Solstice blessings for sunset and sunrise)

Vague mumbling....

Hurrah! I am being released into the wild tomorrow........ okay, well not quite... I am being allowed to return to work on the strict understanding that (a) I do not walk more than 50 metres. (b) I pack it in and go home and rest if I feel at all unwell and (c) I do not over do it.......(anyone else starting to think that my doctor is perhaps getting to know me??)

Now (b) and (c) are not too much of an issue but (a) is as the nearest car park is well over the allowable walking distance........ and they powers that be decreed that outside the office parking is for visitors only (which means that the 5 disabled spaces sit empty for 99% of the time which really irks me).... anyway, work are obviously extremely pleased I am allowed back and have arranged for a taxi to get me to and from work for the next three days, which is wonderful of them... What is not so wonderful was in arranging said taxi my team leader managed to send my personal contact details on an e-mail to every single employee in our head office.........this I am not particularly impressed about as I don't think everyone should have access to where I live or my mobile phone number but then again, I am unlikely to develop a stalker from this and anyone that wants to burgle me know I am out, well, yeah, good luck with that one, cos rent a mob might let you in, but you ain't going nowhere once you're in......

So today I have pottered about a bit in an attempt to use my leg just a little bit...... which basically meant taking myself to mum's house and lurking on her sofa whilst I wrapped presents to go in the post.  They are all done now which is surprisingly organised of me.

I also picked up my candle order today.... not only my usual selection of particularly nice smelling Christmas type candles - such as cinnamon sticks, warm spices, cherries on snow and pure snow - but also my nice long tapered solstice candles for burning on the 21st onwards....... I have been quite traditional this year and got natural beeswax candles, which smell really nice.  The metal holders are out on the window ledge all ready and I am starting to feel quite festive...

I also bought a few candles to give away as presents, they may only be little things, but to me a candle is kind of a significant gift, particularly at the Winter Solstice as it lights the way forward into the new year.

Right, time to extract Hugo from the top of the door and head to bed to get a decent nights sleep before I have to remember what getting up at 6.00 am is all about..........

So, it is....

Four weeks to Christmas Day.... and I am wholly disorganised and haven't got a clue what I am getting for most people, those who have been promised knitted items may get them for Beltane....

At least most of the immediate family presents are done.... that is to say they are in the shopping baskets at Amazon, Hotel Chocolate, Lush and Yankee candles... roll on pay day at the end of the week and I can get the orders submitted.... really must go find something for my father mind and get it sent off.

There is only one week to get post out for Christmas that is going down to Australia or New Zealand and only another week after that for USA post... thankfully European post can wait a bit longer.... which is good as I haven't even bought cards yet... this weekend... gonna have to get organised.

More importantly... much more importantly really.... there are now less than four weeks before the Winter Solstice and the turn of the Earth ready for the days to start getting longer again with the hope of a new year.

In all the mad panic of Christmas commercialism it's nice to have something else to focus on  that is a lot calmer and more in tune with nature and the earth.  I am looking forward to banishing the winter spirits and moving out the dark half of the year more than ever as it's been a very long cold and wet final quarter of the year.  Maybe as the new lunar year starts it will bring a more peaceful and balanced time for everyone.

Finding a focus....

This morning saw me actually get up before the dogs barked.... by 4.30 am I was in the car and off up onto the tops of the White Peak to my thinking stone in order to watch the Solstice sunrise.  Before now I've done a couple of Solstice celebrations with the local pagan grove, but I wanted to do this one alone.

My thinking stone ..... well it's a gritstone lump of rock in on a fairly high point of the moor with good views out over the peak district... it's fairly close to the picture that appears as my on-line avatar in various places.    While this morning didn't give me a brilliant view of the sunrise, cloud cover being somewhat thick, it was the perfect place for me to have an hour or so of peace and calm to try and get myself to focus on certain things as gradually it got lighter and I could see further and further into the distance.  There is something about the wide open spaces of the Peak, not to mention the peace and tranquillity, that allows me to put things into perspective.


My head has been a bit of a mess recently and I am drowning slightly in the whole work thing from last month.  I need to put it behind me, but am failing badly to do this... unfortunately, it's having a negative effect on me as I have lost for the first time since I started this job nearly four years ago the love of the job and the work I do.... I am not sure why it's sticking so badly, as far as work goes it's dealt with and the matter closed, trouble is I can't seem to get past it.  And therein lies one of those stupid problems that sometimes I can't forgive myself for things that aren't actually my fault in the first place.....I realised this morning that I have to let this go, I have to move on..... so that is the next big step to take.  I am not sure how I am going to do this, but I am going to try rather than let it build up any more inside me as I do want to go back to enjoying going into work again.

My friend AP's condition is starting to deteriorate quite quickly now.  She's at home receiving palliative care, and it does just feel a lot like waiting for the end.  Which has made me realise that life really is too short.  There are lots of things I'd like to do with my life, but as I am approaching 40 I am struggling to see where I am going at the moment.  I feel a lot like something is missing, but I am not sure exactly what or how to look for it.  There are some hang ups I still have as a result of past relationships which I need to work on putting behind me more... one of which is a huge trust issue I need to get over and I think this might be the starting point for moving forwards.  I need to learn to stop pretending my own issues are less important or less valid than other peoples and to learn to speak up when something is bothering me.  I know I have some bloody good friends out there, both in real life and on-line who will listen to me, I just need to open my mouth.  So this would be the other step to take.


It's only two things to work on at present, but they are quite big things for me.  I am not sure how I will achieve either, but I do know that I am going to make the effort and try.

I came back home feeling a little more together than I have been for a while, probably because I can at least now see a couple of things to work for....... (I was lucky, it didn't start raining till I was halfway home!)...so now I have to move forwards.

bits and pieces....

Why isn't this week over already??  Yeah, yeah, I know it's only just the end of Tuesday but after working a 2 day and then a 3 day week it feels far too long already.... okay it's not helped by the fact that my desk at work is slowly disappearing under an avalanche of papers, many of which are marked "urgent" and most of which I look at at least once a day, reshuffle and then try and ignore........ which I know is probably not classed as best practice, but one thing at a time.

Oh and they sprung our bi-annual appraisals on us for this Thursday - deep and abiding joy!  I have worked for some particularly dodgy employers in my chequered working history and unfortunately as soon as I see the word appraisal land in my diary I tend to start thinking in negatives.... which it's not, or it shouldn't be.. but I can't help myself... eternal pessimist that I am!

Aside from that, I am still sticking to my no coffee regime, and have knocked out the can of Pepsi Max so the only caffeinated drink I am now having is a cup of tea in the morning! Go me!  That said, whilst it probably would be helping my sleep the effects are currently negligible as rent-a-mob have decreed that once it is light outside and the birdies have sung the dawn chorus, it is time to get up.... not helped by the fact that one of the blackbirds has mastered the imitation of my telephone so I was halfway downstairs the other morning to grab the phone at 4 am before I realised it was a damn bird!

I am currently making plans for next week's solstice, which with any luck will involve driving out to the highest point on the White Peak to watch dawn break. I am going to do it solo this year rather than as part of a Grove event as I want to use the time to try and focus myself in the peace and quiet as things have been rather unsettled in my life recently so a bit of meditative spirituality at a special time of year may help me bring things into like and help me see some positives.

Winter Solstice

(Because it's important to me)

In the time of greatest darkness, comes the beginning of the light. Now is the time to cast away regrets and sorrows into the dying darkness in order that new hopes and dreams can be brought forth into the light

May next year be one of hope, happiness and fulfilment for everyone.  

Joyous Winter Solstice