Cold feet.............

Well, that was May then............

I've not posted much in the last week or so because my head wasn't in a great place, but then it never is at this time of year.  Normally I try to find something to distract myself with, but this year I wasn't as successful so got a bit down, particularly not helped by the fact my work colleague bought her baby into work to show off yesterday......*sigh* just the wrong day for it completely.  As my counsellor has been telling me, look forward, not back, breathe and move on.........

This weekend I am going to have to be social... one of my oldest and closest friends is having a birthday party ...... okay so her birthday was back in April but it's her aunt's birthday next week and they are having a combined do as between them they are 100 years old.  It's open house, with wine tasting (which I won't be doing) and a bbq, there is even some live music in the evening.

Trouble is, I really actually don't want to go.... which sounds terrible....... now if it was just a weekend away with my friend then this would be fine..... but, her family treat her (and me by extension) as though we are still teenagers....... even her younger sister does this, we think it's because she's married with children and a teacher to boot she seems to think it's appropriate to talk down to us.... but I have an even bigger problem.......... there are going to be people there that I haven't spoken with for about 10 years.... people who were formally quite close friends.... and people who the ex carefully segregated me from, who she used rather under hand means to keep them away from me and who I really don't feel up to facing and being sociable with.

I am sure that I am probably being over dramatic about this, but the whole idea of going over there is making me feel a bit sick this evening.  I've managed to use the critters as an excuse not to stay over, I am driving over during the day and staying for a few hours before coming back home.... I did contemplate phoning up tomorrow and telling her the car had broken down and I couldn't make it, but that wouldn't be fair... Part of me just wants to crawl under the duvet and hide..... but this is one of my closest and oldest friends, and one of the only people who stuck by me all through the crap the ex put me through and didn't believe a word of the lies she spread.

Gah, it's at times like this I want someone there to be able to go with me and back me up, or just to give me a hug and tell me it will be fine.