Some days..........

You really wonder why you bothered getting up in the first place!

Okay, so yesterday didn't go too badly.... I was very anxious before I went over (the birthday party was in Preston, which is just over a two hour drive away) but I drove the scenic route over Snake Pass, which was beautiful in the sunny weather - I was going to stop and take photographs from what feels like being at the top of the world, but I couldn't park the car up safely.  Anyway, I got there shortly after the official start time and, well, I was still quite nervous, but my friend's dad, who I've always got on with, was really pleased to see me and we spent a long time catching up on what I was doing, how his retirement is going etc... I was taken by my friend's sister to examine the latest batch of young spinone and labrador puppies and given lots of hugs.

There was an awkward moment when one of my former friends arrived, but after a while we got talking and went and found a quite corner for a proper catch up - and some setting straight about things.... by the time I had to leave to drive back we'd swopped e-mail address and phone numbers so hopefully that bridge can be rebuilt.

By the time I got home I was pretty kippered, both physically and emotionally, so headed off to bed not long after........... only my head was all over the place and I couldn't sleep... I gave up at about 1 am and went to let the dogs out then read for a bit..... I finally got a couple of hours in but was awake by 4.45 am ... it was light, the birds were singing, the dogs wanted a walk....... so off we went...... When I got back I made the mistake of checking my e-mail, to find an rather long reprimand from a moderator of a forum on a website I use........totally unexpected and out the blue......

Not going into further details here, but the upshot was, once I'd got past the WTF? moment, via a little anger, was that I realised could no longer participate in something I enjoy as I was being asked to essentially censor myself above and beyond a level which would mean participation remained enjoyable.  So I have apologised to anyone I might have offended and withdrawn from further discussion.............. which means that I will probably lose contact with some of my internet friends (not all, and definitely not those closest to me) but it's frustrating and upsetting in any event...more so because the day to day subjects we have been discussing and which have been objected to, we've been talking about for over 18 months without issue......

Emotionally I am not sure which part of the rollercoaster I am on tonight - I want to rant, scream and cry all at the same time...... I may just try going to bed.........