Feline fun and games...

Let me introduce you to a fine fortnightly game that is played in this house

Felines v. Humans................ The Changing of the Bedding
(this game is best played with at least two very inquisitive felines against one human and a king size bed and bedding.... if the felines are very active and vocal and the human is at least partially incapacitated (whether through physical disability or drink) it makes it much more fun for the cat).....

Stage one - the stripping of the bedding - usually done in a morning, when the human is feeling bright and cheery, though the process can be speeded up if the felines which to throw up on the bed... remove all the old bedding and wash it....... felines will score extra points if they can (a) get tangled in the duvet (b) get themselves into the laundry basket under the bedding and have the human carry them halfway downstairs before they are noticed or (c) they can reduce the humans to hysterical laughter when running around inside a pillow case.... the human never gets additional points.

Stage two - putting on new bedding - usually done about an hour past the time the human meant to go to bed, and accompanied by lots of swearing because the human forgot about the bedding earlier.... firstly the human will need to locate the clean bedding (for example, in the airing cupboard - though points will be deducted from the human if they then shut either feline in the airing cupboard by mistake)... the next thing is to put the sheet on.... the felines will again get extra points if they can (a) unhook the fitted sheet corners as you are putting them on or (b) get themselves completely trapped under the sheet....... option (b) comes with additional bonus points for one cat getting trapped and the other cat then pouncing on it until the human gets so fed up that the sheet is ripped off the bed and the cats roundly cursed.

Stage two (a) - the duvet cover......... ok, at this stage it helps if the human is at least partly inebriated or drugged..... extra points for the Felines if they (a) can get inside the duvet cover without being noticed (b) attack the human through the duvet cover, or (c) completely cause the human to twist the duvet so no matter what it won't lie flat......... The human will forfeit the entire game and declare the felines have won if at any point the human finds themselves actually inside the duvet cover.


scoring...... don't bother, the felines will have won .... they always do!