Books I read in December...

or more accurately because I haven't actually kept a proper record, books I've read since Kindleday.....

Only finished books make this list - and I don't review, because what I think of the book is possibly only of use to me and I subscribe to the "Pollyanna School of Reviewing" - ie if you can't say something nice don't say it at all.

The Book of Daniel - Z.A. Maxfield
Dance with Me - Heidi Cullinan
Bent - Sean Michael
Fun with Dick & Shane - Gillibran Brown
More Fun with Dick & Shane - Gillibran Brown
Achilles and the Houseboy - Gillibran Brown
Bound and Determined - Jane Davitt
Deviations: Submission - Chris Owen
Deviations: Domination - Chris Owen
Deviations: Discipline - Chris Owen
Deviations: Bondage - Chris Owen
Deviations: Safe Words - Chris Owen

Actually, because Goodreads is useful I have also read in December

Bounty of Love - Scott Cade
All or Nothing - James Buchanan
Island Empire - James Buchanan
Cutting Cords - Mickie B Ashling
Vessel - Mickie B Ashling
In Hot Pursuit - Kate McMurray
These Haunted Heights - Ally Blue
Polar Reaction - Claire Thompson
Handyman - Claire Thompson

In non-fiction (mainly for research) I've dipped in and out of
The History of Witchcraft - Montague Summers
The Encyclopaedia of Witchcraft and Demonology
Myths and Legends of the British Isle
The Collins book of Trees
Celtic Myths and Legends.


Yes, I think I've mentioned before I do read rather a lot, I also read very quickly, though luckily I re-read, you'll see an * appear on future lists which will denote when a book is a re-read

Looking at the list - I really must fall back out of the M/M Genre and try to read something else...... that said, there is still an awful lot I haven't read!

Adventures in Kindle-land....

When I tweeted “help I appear to be lost in my Kindle” earlier in the week it resulted in a short twitter conversation which in my mind had us all running around inside our Kindles (yep, lots of my fellow tweeters appear to have got them for Christmas too) like Alice in Wonderland running round down the rabbit hole, only in this case Wonderland is an extremely large library of virtual books (L space and all that!) and we are all lost in our respective sections trying to find our way back out into the real world, though alas there were no tea parties with the Mad Hatter, at least I haven't found them yet, I shall keep looking…..  ok, so my mind sometimes paints some quite strange pictures for me

So, anyway, I’ve had my Kindle a week and discovered so far…

It’s far too easy to buy things without realising how much you’ve spent – I was very lucky to get vouchers as well as the Kindle (why yes the entirety of my Christmas list did read, Kindle & vouchers – I believe in asking for what I really want!) but alas these are now all gone (in my defence I do have 25 books to read though). 

“One-click” is the invention of the evil minions of hell and I must find a way to either switch it off or find a way to set a credit limit or I am going to be getting stroppy letters from the bank telling me to stop trying to spend money I don’t have (ok, I am perhaps over exaggerating on that).  I could try finding my willpower and just stop buying stuff, but, erm, nope, never managed that in the past with real books, doubt I’ll be able to find it for downloads either.

The Kindle is much easier to carry about than a book – which as I am forced to read for 30 minutes at lunch every day (yeah such hardship – but I promised my boss that if I only took 30 mins lunch it would be away from my pc).  I did also discover that reading books that make you splutter  your lunch over the desk with laughter (in this case it was More Fun with Dick and Shane by Gillibran Brown) should possibly not be read in work unless you want cross examining by your colleagues as to what is making you laugh so much.

Kindle’s are just the right size for the cat to sit on and obscure completely when you are trying to read in bed… there have been several arguments over this the past few nights when my attentions are directed at the Kindle rather than the cats… I’ve taken to shutting it in the draw over night or I think Hugo is going to take it away and hide it … (he always hides things in either the laundry basket or his special place in a box he’s created a hole in the side of under the bed in the spare room… after I’ve had visitors it’s always amusing to go see what he’s collected… I just wish he’d get over his obsession with stealing my visitors underwear – it’s quite hard to explain why you are returning it later)

So as my New Year’s Eve is going to be spent at home with the critters (way to many fireworks for me to risk leaving them alone) I shall probably be in Kindle-land again…….. I am going to try and get back to doing my books read list on a monthly basis again and may start with what I’ve read since Christmas tomorrow to kick it off

Rolling my eyes.....

Anyone who has read my random witterings since I started this blog will know that I have some issues revolving around my state of mind… and whilst some are long standing a lot have been the result of the evil ex and trying to come to terms with some of the stuff I was put through in the so called relationship we had.  (I really like to avoid using the term “mental health” because one of the things that the ex did was threaten to have me committed to a mental hospital, and even told my mother and sister that she thought I was insane…..yes, I know, realistically she had no grounds for even suggesting it, but the whole thing still makes me feel shaky and a bit sick).

Anyway, every once in a while things get on top of me and very occasionally I will admit I need help… such a thing happened back in about June this year when after nearly two weeks of not sleeping, not eating properly, hiding and obsessing about things that were nothing to do with me (cos yes, everyone else’s problems are much easier to find solutions for in an attempt to avoid looking at your own) I was persuaded by some friends (or threatened, look at it as you will) to go see my doctor.

Now, I shouldn’t gripe, because hell at least we have a free (ish) health service (at the moment!) but really, getting past the doctors receptionist unless you’ve got proof you are about to expire in the next hour or so is nigh on impossible.  So anyway, as I was not at risk of causing harm to myself (not my method of coping – I live with constant pain, I have been in severe pain, causing myself physical pain to ease mental pain is not something I can see working for me so have never been remotely pulled down that route… besides which, the level of painkillers I take to cope with normal life would probably result in having to slice my arm off before I got any sort of pain reaction) I was told that I’d have to take a routine appointment, four days later.

So, when I eventually got to see a doctor (actually my doctor, which is probably the first time in 2 years), having admitted to myself that there was perhaps a bit of a problem I had already managed to get part way towards pulling my head out the sand on some issues and facing what I’d been happily avoiding for, erm, quite a while on some things… Now because of the PTC/BIH my doctor is somewhat phobic of prescribing me, well, anything and has a habit of referring me off to hospital for anything more than a common cold, but as I was pretty adamant I didn’t need to see a psychiatrist (part of my pain management treatment involves seeing the pain psych every six months – just to check that you are dealing with your pain appropriately, not just hoping it will all go away – so I know that all they will do is review you and suggest medication which is not the route I am going – been there done that, my personality is screwed up enough already without adding drugs to suppress emotions) it was suggested perhaps they could arrange some counselling.  That said, the way it works round here is that you have to self refer for counselling, so they just give you the form to fill in and drop back into the surgery…. which I did, straight away, before leaving the surgery… and then promptly forgot about it and got on with using coping methods (talking, writing, admitting that my head was not a happy place to be at times… drinking vodka.. no, not really… I do have a bottle of vodka in the freezer, it’s been there since last Easter, it’s still over half full… I don’t actually drink unless there are people round or I’ve gone out, and then only very little… I think I got over the whole drinking thing when I was a student but that is a whole different story…)

I digress (probably because I am writing this whilst at work in a method of avoiding actually doing anything remotely like working and I daren’t spend any longer on the internet or I shall get named and shamed on the list of 100 naughtiest internet users which gets handed round all the partners/supervisors and then I shall get yelled at … erm… again…ok, I’ve not been that bad in 3  and a bit years I’ve only made the list twice… which is twice more than most people in this department).  Anyway, in this morning’s post, yes six months later, I get an offer of 6 counselling sessions, starting in mid February.  Ooh, 8 months from when I referred….. yeah, bit late really, and I’ve managed to work through some of the major issues I was having, if not completely fixed I am now being a little more reasonable about them, and with myself.  Well that was my first reaction, but if I turn it down then should in the future I have to refer again they will probably tell me to get lost (well no, probably not in those words).  Then I had a think and there is some pretty naff stuff that if it’s not going on in my life right I am probably going to have to face at some point soon and that I could probably do with talking through with someone who is removed from the situation so I think I shall go along for at least the intro session and see if I get on with this counsellor (I’ve only ever not got one with one counsellor, immediate hackles up kind of situation when 20 mins into the intro session I stood up, said thank you but this won’t work and left…).

Remind me...

Why I have critters?

Ok, so the cats, yep, they are cats, not just that but ugly naked cats... ever seen a film or TV programme where if there is an ugly naked cat in it that they aren't the arch villain - trust me there is a reason for this... so expect them to be, well the devil's minions in training

Not so much the dogs, they've been trained, they have routine, they are expected to behave.....I went back to work today, they obviously didn't approve...

I have come home to...
A turned over kitchen bin (contents liberally scattered around floor)
A completely smashed pot water dish
2 cut paws
and
joy of joys
some little sod has taken up the floor tiles by the kitchen door....


I have cleaned up in silence and am now hiding upstairs until the urge to go down and kill them all passes......


Oh and it's midweek (though my brain tells me it's Monday)... so I think a nice piece of calming music is called for (no irony in the title at all)

Sometimes work is a good thing...

As much as I am currently doing the whole "don't wanna go back to work tomorrow" thing, complete with sulking, in retrospect, it is really a good thing as alas my friends and family tolerance minutes appear to be running quite low and the need to hide is gradually taking over.

I haven't always been completely antisocial, in fact quite the opposite, or at least in terms of spending time with friends and family.  As part of this whole rediscovering just who the bloody hell I am, I've discovered that when you have been carefully alienated from said friends and family, and made to believe that one person is the centre of your universe and without them you won't be able to function, that it's actually quite hard to get your head round the idea of spending time with other people again.  Particularly when as much as you know those people love and support you they also know that evil manipulating bitch of an ex told them all sorts of things about you that were either completely untrue or wildly exaggerated.....

No matter who I am talking to, if they knew us as a couple, there is always that horrible moment when I feel uncomfortable and itchy and need to get out of there before someone says the wrong thing, or they remember some of the things she used to tell them about me.  That said, it's been a while since I had a complete melt down over it with someone in the immediate family, so I am obviously improving.

However, 7 days of seeing family and friends on a daily basis has kind of put me at my limit and I as much as I may rail against going back to work, it's peaceful, I can put my headphones in and just get on with drafting without having to think about anything, or have to worry about what people are really thinking about me as they talk to me, or are even talking to someone else but in the same room as me...

Lost in Kindle-land

I feel I should just stick a label up here that says "gone reading" because that is kind of what I've done all day

Actually this is not a bad thing, because I severely suck at relaxing and winding down, and as I have to go back to work on Wednesday for 3 days, and because a week Tuesday the hell that is the final 4 months to the financial year end starts, relaxing now would be a bloody good idea.

Ok, so would doing at least one of my now overdue assignments, but hey, you can't do everything!

Relaxing was also important due to lack of sleep last night.... and when I get hold of my friend who bought my cats two new toys which go "meep" and "squeek" when they hit the ground, get thrown up in the air etc, I may possibly, throw said toys back at her as the cats thought it was hilarious to keep throwing these toys around the bedroom during the early hours....... said toys are now confiscated for daytime use only or I'll probably throttle the damn cats!

Well, who knew.....

Contrary to popular opinion, I am in fact "a good girl".  I must be because I got a shiny new Kindle today!

(I wonder if this means I'm allowed my halo back?  I  maintain to this day that it just slipped a bit, and I put it somewhere safe, the fact it was found rolling in the gutter, slightly tarnished and a little dinted was not my fault....as for the allegation that it wasn't even mine in the first place, but rather I'd stolen it after my own was confiscated, well, there is no truth in that at all..... )

So anyway, I took said kindle home for a few hours this afternoon and may have uploaded some books already, and then took it back with me for dinner.... my mother and sister both commented on how they didn't like it because they couldn't see what I was reading..... which is probably a good thing really as the first books I downloaded were all M/M (mainly with BDSM themes) ... kind of not the thing to have to explain at a nice family meal.....

I fear that my kindle is actually going to end up nick named the "Smut Book Repository" if my family, friends, work colleagues etc ever do decide to cross examine what I am reading mostly on there!


I hope everyone out there is having a wonderful celebration of their choosing :o)