I do have a couple of "proper" posts of things that I've been thinking about recently that want to get down in the near future, but tonight is not a night for particularly coherent thoughts, and a sneaky week night vodka and Pepsi max didn't help!
So instead, some random mumbling from the recesses of my over caffeinated brain....
- the ear phones finally turned up last night... I switched off the pc and wandered through to the bedroom just after 11 pm and there they were in the middle of the bed... I tried cross examining the cats, but the insist it wasn't them - we obviously have a magical black hole that can make earphones disappear from the stairs only to reappear 10 days later on the bed.........
- This evening I have finished writing a contract for frozen/chilled semen exportation ... I take on some very strange favours for my friends.....
- my working day today has very much been a "Monday"... we are approaching a financial quarter end, and the next one after this is the big one .. year end.. when every single person who has a target to meet will be screaming at those of us responsible for making sure the money comes in ... I did ask my team leader today if I made target before year end could I give up working and write instead ... ok, she is one of my beta readers/naggers... apparently as much as she'd like me to get on with the 2nd instalment of the book she's read she doesn't think those higher up the food chain will approve.... Monday-ness was not helped by having to format and proof read a 160 page legal document... hell I'd written the damn thing and couldn't work out what the hell I was meant to be saying at times.....though I do find it amusing that I can easily spell huge big long legal words and fail miserably to spell the short words.
- To combat the feeling of overwhelming panic about mum's hospital appointment tomorrow I might have accidentally have downloaded more books onto the kindle... I must stop this... though as I get 2 months off paying housing tax the temptation is to spend the money that would have gone to the tax man on books....
Ok, enough waffling, time to go lurk elsewhere on the net until I remember what being tired feels like...
Monday, 23 January 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Research... the old fashioned way...
Then my internet connection failed...... and the broadband.... and my phone... and my smart phone did the whole "you have no more minutes this month unless you want to pay a fortune" thing so that got switched off too.
So I went back to basics... and to real books.... which given what I was researching meant big heavy old hard back books, the ones with the thick paper and that special sort of crinkle to them. Now, okay, these are my books and I dabble in them fairly frequently, but normally just to clarify what I want... not this time, I wanted a whole new set of information and had a wonderful time. Time passed so quickly whilst I was reading and my challenge story is taking shape quite well.... though not sure I will get it to under 1000 words (hell what am I talking about, this is me, the completely ocd side of me will demand it's exactly 1000 words).
My head is now quite scarily full of strange ideas and stories, which may cause some strange dreams as a lot of today's research involved demons and folklore, with a few bits of superstition and history thrown into the mix..... luckily I have my notepad and pen tucked away in the bedside table just in case the ideas demand to be written in the middle of the night!
Saturday, 21 January 2012
In which there is 24 hours with a social life...
I have some fantastic and wonderful friends, both online and off. In view of my plea for distraction they have jumped up and taken the challenge...
Last night I was taken out to the pub and then went to a midnight screening at the cinema (person I went with is one of my adopted little sisters, and though we flirt like mad I am also occasionally mistaken for her mother (she's 15 years younger - and scarily her father once asked me out!). I blame the alcohol and scary movie for a moment of straying hands which we both looked a bit sheepish about when we came out of the cinema)
This morning there was the usual run of housework, shopping and laundry, but then some friends who I don't see often texted to say they were passing through on the way on to a fet night and could we go for early dinner... so off I went... which was great fun as though I've spoken on line to two of them fairly recently I've not seen any of them for ages.... I think our conversation might have scared the family on the next table though.
I'm afraid I distracted myself further by downloading a couple of books to read this evening - must stop picking long series of books to read ... it's just an excuse to by them all...
Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but tonight I am feeling extremely distracted, quite well hugged and loved by my friends.
Last night I was taken out to the pub and then went to a midnight screening at the cinema (person I went with is one of my adopted little sisters, and though we flirt like mad I am also occasionally mistaken for her mother (she's 15 years younger - and scarily her father once asked me out!). I blame the alcohol and scary movie for a moment of straying hands which we both looked a bit sheepish about when we came out of the cinema)
This morning there was the usual run of housework, shopping and laundry, but then some friends who I don't see often texted to say they were passing through on the way on to a fet night and could we go for early dinner... so off I went... which was great fun as though I've spoken on line to two of them fairly recently I've not seen any of them for ages.... I think our conversation might have scared the family on the next table though.
I'm afraid I distracted myself further by downloading a couple of books to read this evening - must stop picking long series of books to read ... it's just an excuse to by them all...
Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but tonight I am feeling extremely distracted, quite well hugged and loved by my friends.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
In need of a distraction.......
We were hoping for mum's test results today, and in an unusual streak of optimism I had been telling myself that they were just going to phone and say that the tests showed nothing, no problems, all is well...... only they didn't. Instead I got a phone call this evening asking if I could take Tuesday off work and take mums to the hospital as she has an urgent appointment with the Consultant Surgeon........ and see the pessimism clang down like a heavy fog over everything.
I am going to try not to brood and worry...... oh who am I kidding, I am going to wind myself up something stupid, whittle like hell, paint all the worst case scenarios and panic like the end of the world is imminent..... whilst at the same time keeping it together and putting on a brave face for mums and my sister.....
I need to find something to distract me for the next few days...............though my best friend has also told me failing that she will just bitch slap me until I pull myself together! She means well really!
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| Hugo is practising his worried look too! |
I need to find something to distract me for the next few days...............though my best friend has also told me failing that she will just bitch slap me until I pull myself together! She means well really!
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Midweek musical murmuring
I think my recent bouts of insomnia have finally caught up with me as sometime around 7pm I appear to have fallen asleep on the sofa this evening... and having only just woken up again my body is screaming at me to go back to sleep, which I intend to do in the company of this lady (in a musical accompaniment kind of way only if you get my meaning)....
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Sitting on my hands.....
I am in that difficult situation of having to sit on my hands and not type a response I'd like to to a comment on a thread on the Goodreads YA LGBT group... I didn't think it bothered me, turns out, after 24 hours or so of thinking it through.. you know what, actually it does....
The book of the month for February looks like, for the first time, being a F/F one rather than an M/M one - which given that the group is all inclusive should be fine. Ok, I appreciate that some may not have read an F/F book before, may feel a bit iffy about it, or may sit out .... that's up to them.... though as it's YA it's not going to be explicit or possibly do anything but fade out an implied incident.
What I didn't expect was a comment as follows: "Lesbians make me nervous"
Now because I couldn't leave it initially I responded by saying that as a lesbian I wasn't sure how to take that (and pointed out that I don't think I'm particularly scary).... now the original poster clarified that he didn't mean to offend, and well, no, he didn't because if lesbians make him nervous that's a personal statement not a ground for offence and then went onto explain that basically the only lesbians he knew were quite fierce butch ones (as an aside - I did point out that some butch type lesbians actually make me nervous... but probably not in the way he means! that said groups of children hanging about on street corners make me nervous, straight men in bars make me nervous)
Anyway, someone else then responded that maybe only the fierce ones felt safe (in that particular area) being out enough to be recognised .....and this is what has got me thinking WTF and wanting to respond...... "recognised" sorry.. do we have to have some sort of sign on us to enable us to be recognised in public settings? I didn't think we were going down the route of having to identify your sexuality by your appearance... hell just stick a label on someone why don't you so you can "recognise" them if they don't fall into the "oh you must be a lesbian because of the way you look" category!
Unsurprisingly I know a fair few lesbians, only a very small percentage of which could be described as butch - many of which are what actually very young just out lesbians who aren't fierce at all... but you know what, most of the rest of us look just like, well, most other females you come across.....
Not being funny... but if someone had suggested that it was a pity that only effeminate gay men had the confidence to be out and "recognised" I am sure someone would have made noises about it.......
As much as I'd like to stand up and point out that actually the comments are giving people perhaps the wrong idea about stereotyping and labelling, I can't help but feel that the location of the thread would be inappropriate for me to start what would be really a mini rant...... though then again, any young lesbian coming across it may be put off..... argh, I wish I could decide what to do for the best, until then I shall go back to sitting on my hands......
The book of the month for February looks like, for the first time, being a F/F one rather than an M/M one - which given that the group is all inclusive should be fine. Ok, I appreciate that some may not have read an F/F book before, may feel a bit iffy about it, or may sit out .... that's up to them.... though as it's YA it's not going to be explicit or possibly do anything but fade out an implied incident.
What I didn't expect was a comment as follows: "Lesbians make me nervous"
Now because I couldn't leave it initially I responded by saying that as a lesbian I wasn't sure how to take that (and pointed out that I don't think I'm particularly scary).... now the original poster clarified that he didn't mean to offend, and well, no, he didn't because if lesbians make him nervous that's a personal statement not a ground for offence and then went onto explain that basically the only lesbians he knew were quite fierce butch ones (as an aside - I did point out that some butch type lesbians actually make me nervous... but probably not in the way he means! that said groups of children hanging about on street corners make me nervous, straight men in bars make me nervous)
Anyway, someone else then responded that maybe only the fierce ones felt safe (in that particular area) being out enough to be recognised .....and this is what has got me thinking WTF and wanting to respond...... "recognised" sorry.. do we have to have some sort of sign on us to enable us to be recognised in public settings? I didn't think we were going down the route of having to identify your sexuality by your appearance... hell just stick a label on someone why don't you so you can "recognise" them if they don't fall into the "oh you must be a lesbian because of the way you look" category!
Unsurprisingly I know a fair few lesbians, only a very small percentage of which could be described as butch - many of which are what actually very young just out lesbians who aren't fierce at all... but you know what, most of the rest of us look just like, well, most other females you come across.....
Not being funny... but if someone had suggested that it was a pity that only effeminate gay men had the confidence to be out and "recognised" I am sure someone would have made noises about it.......
As much as I'd like to stand up and point out that actually the comments are giving people perhaps the wrong idea about stereotyping and labelling, I can't help but feel that the location of the thread would be inappropriate for me to start what would be really a mini rant...... though then again, any young lesbian coming across it may be put off..... argh, I wish I could decide what to do for the best, until then I shall go back to sitting on my hands......
Monday, 16 January 2012
Mumblings on the Happily Ever After
One of my closest friends and I have a lot in common, not least of which is our love of books, in fact we got to know one another through an internet forum dedicated to a particular author. That said, we both have quite wide ranging tastes and they don't always mesh.
The main example of this is the whole topic of romance fiction and in particular the happily ever after (she finds my obsession with M/M fiction hysterically funny for some reason - save for using the book covers to freak out her 17 year old daughter (who is also by her own choice my half daughter). Her Aspergers syndrome/Autism means that she doesn't do the whole icky relationship thing and show her a cover with a half naked man on it and she'll run screaming ).
Now whilst my friend is (now - it's not always been that way) the happily married mother of three and I am the cynical single lesbian with a track record on relationships that would raise a few eyebrows, it's actually me that is the secret hopeless romantic who likes the books that finish "and they all lived happily ever after".
I did ask her earlier on if she could explain why... but as she has a toddler, two teenagers, husband, 2 dogs, several cats and a knitting habit worse than my own she could only manage a short summary...
"In a nutshell: cos that's not how life EVER works out, and the end of a book is NOT the end of the story."
Ok, now this is fair enough, and yes I suppose in real life any relationship doesn't just go on forever with no bumps in the road, but I'd like to believe that some relationships will go the distance and everything will work out. I also know the end of a book isn't the end of the story, well it is, unless the author can be pestered for more - but, hell, I'm the one who in unguarded moments can find myself sitting there suddenly wondering 'I wonder what so and so from whatever book is doing now' and then let my imagination drift and before I know it in my mind I've a picture of "what happened next"... and you know what, it's nearly always a happy ending - see told you, hopeless romantic.
The thing is, 99% of the time, I can keep myself grounded to knowing that fiction is fiction, and whilst real life may occasionally smack you in the fact with the unexpected I am happy for my reading to be, well, if not by genre at least by the standards of my life, fantasy..... Maybe this is what gives me a glimmer of hope that one day I will find a happily ever after of my own.
The main example of this is the whole topic of romance fiction and in particular the happily ever after (she finds my obsession with M/M fiction hysterically funny for some reason - save for using the book covers to freak out her 17 year old daughter (who is also by her own choice my half daughter). Her Aspergers syndrome/Autism means that she doesn't do the whole icky relationship thing and show her a cover with a half naked man on it and she'll run screaming ).
Now whilst my friend is (now - it's not always been that way) the happily married mother of three and I am the cynical single lesbian with a track record on relationships that would raise a few eyebrows, it's actually me that is the secret hopeless romantic who likes the books that finish "and they all lived happily ever after".
I did ask her earlier on if she could explain why... but as she has a toddler, two teenagers, husband, 2 dogs, several cats and a knitting habit worse than my own she could only manage a short summary...
"In a nutshell: cos that's not how life EVER works out, and the end of a book is NOT the end of the story."
Ok, now this is fair enough, and yes I suppose in real life any relationship doesn't just go on forever with no bumps in the road, but I'd like to believe that some relationships will go the distance and everything will work out. I also know the end of a book isn't the end of the story, well it is, unless the author can be pestered for more - but, hell, I'm the one who in unguarded moments can find myself sitting there suddenly wondering 'I wonder what so and so from whatever book is doing now' and then let my imagination drift and before I know it in my mind I've a picture of "what happened next"... and you know what, it's nearly always a happy ending - see told you, hopeless romantic.
The thing is, 99% of the time, I can keep myself grounded to knowing that fiction is fiction, and whilst real life may occasionally smack you in the fact with the unexpected I am happy for my reading to be, well, if not by genre at least by the standards of my life, fantasy..... Maybe this is what gives me a glimmer of hope that one day I will find a happily ever after of my own.
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