learning to say "no"

Well I've survived two days at work.... okay so I squicked out my team leader a bit when she did the terribly jolly back to work interview and said how glad she was that I was back, well and firing on all cylinders..... until I showed her the rather revolting blistery mess that is my left calf at present... at which point she accepted that I possibly wasn't 100% back to full fitness and allowances will be made....

Anyway aside from that tonight was my appointment with my counsellor....which I'd missed for two weeks whilst sofa bound....

Now I know a lot of counselling involves listening to you as you talk things through but that sort of laid back "I'm listening" approach does not work for me... for I am the mistress of avoidance and pretending everything is in fact okay.  My current counsellor was chosen because she does not do this, she adopts a rather confrontational approach to things, which would be probably quite scary if you weren't expecting a challenge.

I have homework this week....... I have to recognise that not all problems are mine to solve and to learn to say no..... Apparently I have a sort of "superhero" complex when it comes to helping other people....which has nothing to do with wearing silly costumes with capes and flying... but it does have a lot to do with trying to fix everyone else's problems particularly if it helps avoid even looking at my own or at least minimising my own problems till they feel insignificant.

So, I have to identify things which are really not my problem and step back from them........ and also try and remember that because I can't fix someone else's problem does not make me a failure as a friend.

I also have to try saying no when someone asks me for help ..... now this ended up with me ranting at my counsellor because I don't think friends say "no" to each other when one asks for help...... apparently there are limits though and I have to recognise the difference between helping a friend and being their emotional crutch and dumping ground because this isn't healthy........ being the mistress of avoidance that I am, I may possibly just not answer the phone this week... that's kind of like saying no isn't it??

Hugo explaining how to say no, and glare at the same time!