I love my job, I love the people I work, with the type of work I do, but sometimes, just occasionally, I hate it too.
Today has been one of those days. As part of my job, I have to read things I'd rather not have to - in particular, information about cases of historical physical, emotional and sexual abuse, which usually involve children. The powers that be make sure that no one gets allocated one of these files to deal with too often and some people, particularly those with their own kids are exempt. It's very hard to read, particularly as you know it's not just a story - and more so because it's not an accident either.
Unfortunately, because of the way my mind works I visualise things very easily. I do it with books all the time, with a good book I can almost see the story when I am reading, I can shut my eyes and replay a scene from a book in my head (which now i think of it is probably why I am not that flapped about film or TV - it's never quite as good as my visual imagination), or I can listen to music and interpret the lyrics into a picture sequence in my head. When I'm writing, my characters don't just speak to me, they show me what they want me to write.
Downside to this is that this also means that the things I don't want to see in my head sometimes creep in there and there isn't anyway easy to get them back out. This happens every single time I get one of these files and my head is not a happy place to be right now.
Tonight I am feeling a little fragile and want to scrub the back of my eyeballs and my brain until the images have gone. I need a hug. As that's not possible though I will go put the stereo on loud, have a very long hot shower and break out some of my favourite shower gel, then go curl up under the duvet with a light and fluffy book to keep my mind of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment