This is going to sound strange to most I guess, but I am actually really not enjoying weekends very much at the moment.
I had thought, without my coursework to do I would be able to use the weekend to relax and unwind, even perhaps have some fun.... but it isn't happening. Sure there are lots of things I could probably do but it just isn't happening. Friday night I am usually completely worn out after work so end up crashing on the sofa with the Kindle, or on the phone for ages to friends or family. Then on Saturday after the housework has been beaten into submission I am finding I am either completely bored out of my head and want to do "something" but have no idea what (not helped by the fact that there is no one local I really have a burning desire to spend my time with - yep I am an antisocial cowbag). It's either that or wish to just curl up in the dark and hide till Monday morning.
Okay, so I should really make an effort and go out and do things - I don't even need to have someone to go do things with, I could do them on my own but that isn't really very appealing. On top of that the weather recently hasn't really been very accommodating. This weekend we had about 30 cm of snow falling on packed ice on Friday night which meant Saturday wasn't a day for going anywhere... though thankfully the cold snap appears to be over and it's a tropical 7 degrees C today.... it also rained in buckets over night and all the snow is now gone.
Whichever way I am feeling during the weekend is not helping me to relax..... even if I sleep for a decent length of time at night it's frequently broken sleep with periods of lying awake looking at the ceiling..... and it's a very boring plain white ceiling....
I am hoping this is just seasonal and as it warms up and the days get longer I will snap out of this and find some positivity..... for now though I will hang onto the fact that come Monday morning I can go to work and not be stuck in this house feeling horribly trapped.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Midweek mumbling of the disconnected kind....
Yesterday, after my optimistic post on Monday, didn't get off to a brilliant start when it took me 45 minutes, the help of 4 neighbours with 2 shovels and a lot of spinning about and sliding to get the car out the drive and off the road.... though I didn't burn the clutch out.... the trouble with having a car with naff all power in it (tis a 1.1 litre petrol engine) means that when you it three inches of packed solid ice on a frozen brick surface you aren't going anywhere.
I committed car abandonment last night half way down the road where was easy to get out this morning. The car is there again tonight as the bit in front of my drive is still packed ice.... and I don't want a repeat performance.... I am sure the neighbours don't either.
The down side to this is 45 minutes of standing about in the freezing cold, shovelling snow etc is really not good for someone whose joints don't work at the best of times..... by tea time last night the arthritis flare up in my knees, hips and lower back resulted in an evening of lying flat and keeping as warm as possible. It's been a bit better today. All of this is not helped by the fact that it turns out I am allergic to one of my pain meds, so had to stop taking it, and trying to come off the other..... last night I would have killed for something stronger than paracetamol.
Today a friend of mine posted a picture of her new naked kitten...... wearing a fetching green stripey sweater...... now I have always insisted that mine did not need or in fact want sweaters....... which is something another of my friends argue about as she's had to be banned from knitting something for them..... alas she saw the kitten pictures and low and behold I can expect leg warmers at least for Gina and Hugo at some point in the future..... As if my poor cats weren't laughed at enough for the extreme ugliness :)
Work was hectic but boring.... the run up to the end of the financial year (which happens on 30th April) is upon us again, which means everyone wants everything doing, like last week.... I have shed loads of drafting to do to get money in...... so of course Rupert has early spring fever and is spawning plot bunnies at speed...... I've threatened him with castration if he doesn't stop .... I've now got four sets of voices screaming at me from inside my head....... but still feeling far too negative about my writing to do anything but listen to them.
Tonight I have had a nice long chat with a friend after which I've come upstairs to discover that the cats have eaten my mouse mat........ I mean seriously, I know that you are poor deprived indoor house cats who aren't allowed to roam free and hunt..... and it has the word mouse in it..... but it's not a real one! I shall go lay out some cat treats around the upstairs of the house for them to hunt later whilst I curse them and try use my ancient roller ball mouse on a bobbly desk surface.....
I committed car abandonment last night half way down the road where was easy to get out this morning. The car is there again tonight as the bit in front of my drive is still packed ice.... and I don't want a repeat performance.... I am sure the neighbours don't either.
The down side to this is 45 minutes of standing about in the freezing cold, shovelling snow etc is really not good for someone whose joints don't work at the best of times..... by tea time last night the arthritis flare up in my knees, hips and lower back resulted in an evening of lying flat and keeping as warm as possible. It's been a bit better today. All of this is not helped by the fact that it turns out I am allergic to one of my pain meds, so had to stop taking it, and trying to come off the other..... last night I would have killed for something stronger than paracetamol.
Today a friend of mine posted a picture of her new naked kitten...... wearing a fetching green stripey sweater...... now I have always insisted that mine did not need or in fact want sweaters....... which is something another of my friends argue about as she's had to be banned from knitting something for them..... alas she saw the kitten pictures and low and behold I can expect leg warmers at least for Gina and Hugo at some point in the future..... As if my poor cats weren't laughed at enough for the extreme ugliness :)
Work was hectic but boring.... the run up to the end of the financial year (which happens on 30th April) is upon us again, which means everyone wants everything doing, like last week.... I have shed loads of drafting to do to get money in...... so of course Rupert has early spring fever and is spawning plot bunnies at speed...... I've threatened him with castration if he doesn't stop .... I've now got four sets of voices screaming at me from inside my head....... but still feeling far too negative about my writing to do anything but listen to them.
Tonight I have had a nice long chat with a friend after which I've come upstairs to discover that the cats have eaten my mouse mat........ I mean seriously, I know that you are poor deprived indoor house cats who aren't allowed to roam free and hunt..... and it has the word mouse in it..... but it's not a real one! I shall go lay out some cat treats around the upstairs of the house for them to hunt later whilst I curse them and try use my ancient roller ball mouse on a bobbly desk surface.....
Monday, 21 January 2013
Snow Day.....
 |
| very fuzzy photo of my back garden this morning |
Well I didn't, because I took work home on Friday just in case this happened... so I have instead sat at my kitchen table and drafted really horribly tedious documents all day *snore*
(I did have a small break in the afternoon when I felt my head would explode, in order to finish the book I was reading, but then got frustrated as the author will use the
word "hafta" instead of "have to" which drives me nuts!)
The dogs weren't impressed and kept looking at me in disgust wondering when I was going to go away.
The snow isn't showing any signs of melting, in fact we are down to -5 degrees this evening..... but tomorrow I intend to be bravely optimistic and scare the neighbours by trying to get the car out to go to work.
In the meantime, to cheer myself up this evening I've booked my place at the UK GLBTQ meet.... go me!! Now I have something fun to look forward to as I wish spring would arrive faster
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Winter weekend.......
So, Friday, it snowed... well it snowed Thursday night, but not really enough to make it exciting. Friday's major snowfall happened else where for the most part... though it did start properly snowing here at about 1pm... by 3.30 pm the roads were getting rather well covered and the powers that be decided to let the staff who lived out in the Peak District or over an hours commute away go home... they also let out those who had to make child care arrangements as some schools were closing early. Now usually I hate it when people refer to my various critter as my "children"... no seriously, they aren't, they are animals, they are treated like animals, they behave like animals (which is not dissimilar to children I suppose) .... but my boss insists in cases of bad whether they count as children and I had to go home at 3.30 pm - such a hardship!
In total we got about 6 cm or so of settled snow..... and on Saturday I woke up, for the second time having already wondered out into it at 5.30 am, to the sound and smell of the bloke who has recently moved in opposite burning his clutch out whilst spinning around and sliding his car across the ice on the road....... which was the point I decided that Saturday was going to be a staying home, wrapping up warm and pottering about kind of day....... there was some fairly constructive reading, a bit of cleaning and some cooking. Impressively the supermarket shop delivery arrived on time... though the driver had to leave the van halfway down the road and walk the rest of the way as apparently our road was the worst they'd been on.
Today I was determined I was going out, snow and ice be damned! I really actually hate being stuck in the house for any length of time as I feel completely stifled by it and need to get out or I start going a little stir crazy. There was still a fair bit of snow and ice lying on the road but this wasn't going to stop me. I cleared off the car, measured up what room I had between the parked cars, stuck it in reverse and went for it......straight out of the drive, between the parked cars, round the corner and then into gear and off down the road..... got out first time, no skidding, no sliding and no wheel spins...... some of the neighbours were out watching and boy did I feel smug...... I got the car back into the drive later without problems too :)
In a fit of organisation I've made lunch for tomorrow .... in slight disorganisation I lost half of my stir fry to Gretchen when I had to go answer the phone when I was having dinner (it was dad, it couldn't wait).... and I should now be in bed..... but unfortunately I discovered some NCIS fan fiction that I am rather enjoying and I keep forgetting to watch the time..........
Work tomorrow........ hopefully...... there is white stuff falling quite heavily from the sky at present though.......
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Four letter words...
Rude ones... or at least impolite ones... I have been uttering them since it started snowing here as I left for work (actually I have been uttering them all day thanks to a colleague leaving without notice and some of her work being dumped on me to sort out this morning). The weather forecasters have been promising us that the Snowpocalypse is on its way... but that wasn't meant to start till at least half way through tomorrow....... this is the UK folks, the Snowpocalypse will result in about 4 cm of snow and shut the entire country down......
That said, the road I live on is made of brick.... which when you add snow and temperatures of -5 means it's an ice rink so getting out to work tomorrow is going to be, erm, fun.... I may slip about a bit but I shall get there... my neighbours are apparently quite impressed with my determination and driving skills when it's icy
I am told that uttering four letter and other impolite words is not a good habit to have ......... alas there are some things that only good old Anglo-Saxon expletives can really fully express...
The other four letter word that blights my life at present is diet....... I am on one, kind of..... I had already given up caffeine and am trying to eat healthily...... then my Macmillan Nurse suggested I might want to give up yeast products to help prevent my leg flaring up again (apparently because I am going to be prone to bacterial infections it will help)... this "suggestion" translated very clearly to "you will".... so bye bye yeast products...... which means no bread!
Now as I've said before when deciding that I was going to become decaffeinated..... I can't do moderation... it's not that I have no will power... I am sure I do... somewhere....it's just easier and makes more sense to go cold turkey.... which means in terms of healthy eating, that gone from my diet are all yeast breads (thank goodness for pita bread and wraps), any cake type things, anything with pastry, all chocolate, sweets, ice cream etc... and most cheeses... at least all the interesting ones!
I've never been a fan of processed food, and having been vegetarian for so long it's not that difficult to eat healthily if I stay focused on it and don't get lazy... which is where I usually fall down. It's going fairly well so far... 2 weeks in and I am not bored with it and haven't given up...... I have no idea if it's making a difference only time will tell.
Which brings us to another reason for me cursing a lot about the snow.... I have to get to work tomorrow I've a dozen chocolate cup cakes with vanilla frosting on the side in the kitchen for a colleague's birthday... and if I don't go to work temptation may get the better of me!
That said, the road I live on is made of brick.... which when you add snow and temperatures of -5 means it's an ice rink so getting out to work tomorrow is going to be, erm, fun.... I may slip about a bit but I shall get there... my neighbours are apparently quite impressed with my determination and driving skills when it's icy
I am told that uttering four letter and other impolite words is not a good habit to have ......... alas there are some things that only good old Anglo-Saxon expletives can really fully express...
The other four letter word that blights my life at present is diet....... I am on one, kind of..... I had already given up caffeine and am trying to eat healthily...... then my Macmillan Nurse suggested I might want to give up yeast products to help prevent my leg flaring up again (apparently because I am going to be prone to bacterial infections it will help)... this "suggestion" translated very clearly to "you will".... so bye bye yeast products...... which means no bread!
Now as I've said before when deciding that I was going to become decaffeinated..... I can't do moderation... it's not that I have no will power... I am sure I do... somewhere....it's just easier and makes more sense to go cold turkey.... which means in terms of healthy eating, that gone from my diet are all yeast breads (thank goodness for pita bread and wraps), any cake type things, anything with pastry, all chocolate, sweets, ice cream etc... and most cheeses... at least all the interesting ones!
I've never been a fan of processed food, and having been vegetarian for so long it's not that difficult to eat healthily if I stay focused on it and don't get lazy... which is where I usually fall down. It's going fairly well so far... 2 weeks in and I am not bored with it and haven't given up...... I have no idea if it's making a difference only time will tell.
Which brings us to another reason for me cursing a lot about the snow.... I have to get to work tomorrow I've a dozen chocolate cup cakes with vanilla frosting on the side in the kitchen for a colleague's birthday... and if I don't go to work temptation may get the better of me!
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
A whining post about parents....
Sorry, this is a purely letting off steam kind of post as if I don't vent here I am going to either end up bursting into tears or yelling at someone that totally doesn't deserve it.... feel free to skip said post and visit again later...
Dad hasn't been very well since New Year..... which is like the understatement of the year given that he's dying, he's just being a bit more serious about it at the moment. The doctors mucked up his medication and he ran out of one of his tablets, as a result he has been stuck in bed for the last three weeks nearly. His partner (sheesh, nearly 18 months on and I can't bring myself to call her his wife) is crap... back in October/November he had a bad reaction to some of the drugs he was trying out and all his joints became swollen so he couldn't get out of his chair.... but she left him there without food or drink to go to work with no one in the house for 9 hours! When ever she worries about him, which obviously happens a fair bit, she phone my mum and whittles on at her about him and and all her worries........ No matter how hard we try to get her to phone either me or my sister she won't do it.... mainly because dad doesn't want to upset my sister and the partner knows I have no time or patience for her.
Mum has decided, after seeing dad before Christmas (yes, they are still friends, and speak to each other, visit etc), that dad has in fact given up and is just waiting to die.... which is upsetting, but being a hard hearted bitch (my mother's words a couple of weeks ago) all I can think is please, just let him go soon and painlessly.... and yep, am still a complete coward who can't face going down to see him.
Last week I posted a bit about mum's straight laced lodger, who it appears is really taking the piss. Mum let her rent the attic before Christmas and was under the impression it would be short term till the lodger found somewhere to rent properly or bought another property..... only she's done fuck all bout finding somewhere else to live - why would she, mum's only charging her peanuts to stay there.... they were friends, but the way things are going the friendship is going to blow up very shortly as the lodger keep criticising mum and making snide remarks. Mum asked her when she was moving out, as she has visitors coming at the end of February - only to be told that the visitors could come in half term when the lodger would be house sitting for a week! WTF!!
What with the lodger, the radiator leaking just before Christmas (which meant she needed a whole new set of radiators), dad and the water pouring through the roof incident last week mum's anxiety levels have understandably gone through the roof. This evening (or rather today) her telephone has gone on the blink and despite several calls to the service provider, and them assuring her it was fine, she lost her temper with them when it still didn't work.... She then phoned me for sympathy and when I couldn't help her with her phone hung up on me..... she then phoned my sister and had a tizzy down the phone to her.
My sister phoned me in tears after mum hung up on her. Apparently mum's been phoning her having these kind of massive anxiety attacks at all hours of the day and night.... and when the phone rings really late at night she picks it up in absolute fear that it's the call to say dad has gone. Mum has always had a bit of a problem with alcohol, she started drinking rather heavily when she and dad were getting divorced and whilst it's been fairly under control she does tend to drink whiskey when she's anxious, which makes her very depressed. (Mum's drinking is one of the reasons I don't really drink and am happy to be the designated driver if I am going out) My sister admitted that when she and her partner went round for dinner on Saturday last week mum had drunk a small bottle of whiskey... my sister was mortified as her partner had never seen mum like that in the year that he and my sister have been together.
Tonight we were both pretty sure she'd been drinking again, so first my sister and then I tried to phone her mobile... which she'd switched off. We ended up going round to check on her because in her anxious state, with alcohol, we were worried she'd do something stupid.... she hadn't but she was in a complete state.
My sister and I really don't know what to do, she won't admit the anxiety is a problem - we both want her to speak to her doctor about it... we also want her to formally get rid of the lodger.... we are going to speak to dad's partner and make it clear that she has to stop burdening mum with her problems about dad
Arghhh, I just wish I could fix everything......
Dad hasn't been very well since New Year..... which is like the understatement of the year given that he's dying, he's just being a bit more serious about it at the moment. The doctors mucked up his medication and he ran out of one of his tablets, as a result he has been stuck in bed for the last three weeks nearly. His partner (sheesh, nearly 18 months on and I can't bring myself to call her his wife) is crap... back in October/November he had a bad reaction to some of the drugs he was trying out and all his joints became swollen so he couldn't get out of his chair.... but she left him there without food or drink to go to work with no one in the house for 9 hours! When ever she worries about him, which obviously happens a fair bit, she phone my mum and whittles on at her about him and and all her worries........ No matter how hard we try to get her to phone either me or my sister she won't do it.... mainly because dad doesn't want to upset my sister and the partner knows I have no time or patience for her.
Mum has decided, after seeing dad before Christmas (yes, they are still friends, and speak to each other, visit etc), that dad has in fact given up and is just waiting to die.... which is upsetting, but being a hard hearted bitch (my mother's words a couple of weeks ago) all I can think is please, just let him go soon and painlessly.... and yep, am still a complete coward who can't face going down to see him.
Last week I posted a bit about mum's straight laced lodger, who it appears is really taking the piss. Mum let her rent the attic before Christmas and was under the impression it would be short term till the lodger found somewhere to rent properly or bought another property..... only she's done fuck all bout finding somewhere else to live - why would she, mum's only charging her peanuts to stay there.... they were friends, but the way things are going the friendship is going to blow up very shortly as the lodger keep criticising mum and making snide remarks. Mum asked her when she was moving out, as she has visitors coming at the end of February - only to be told that the visitors could come in half term when the lodger would be house sitting for a week! WTF!!
What with the lodger, the radiator leaking just before Christmas (which meant she needed a whole new set of radiators), dad and the water pouring through the roof incident last week mum's anxiety levels have understandably gone through the roof. This evening (or rather today) her telephone has gone on the blink and despite several calls to the service provider, and them assuring her it was fine, she lost her temper with them when it still didn't work.... She then phoned me for sympathy and when I couldn't help her with her phone hung up on me..... she then phoned my sister and had a tizzy down the phone to her.
My sister phoned me in tears after mum hung up on her. Apparently mum's been phoning her having these kind of massive anxiety attacks at all hours of the day and night.... and when the phone rings really late at night she picks it up in absolute fear that it's the call to say dad has gone. Mum has always had a bit of a problem with alcohol, she started drinking rather heavily when she and dad were getting divorced and whilst it's been fairly under control she does tend to drink whiskey when she's anxious, which makes her very depressed. (Mum's drinking is one of the reasons I don't really drink and am happy to be the designated driver if I am going out) My sister admitted that when she and her partner went round for dinner on Saturday last week mum had drunk a small bottle of whiskey... my sister was mortified as her partner had never seen mum like that in the year that he and my sister have been together.
Tonight we were both pretty sure she'd been drinking again, so first my sister and then I tried to phone her mobile... which she'd switched off. We ended up going round to check on her because in her anxious state, with alcohol, we were worried she'd do something stupid.... she hadn't but she was in a complete state.
My sister and I really don't know what to do, she won't admit the anxiety is a problem - we both want her to speak to her doctor about it... we also want her to formally get rid of the lodger.... we are going to speak to dad's partner and make it clear that she has to stop burdening mum with her problems about dad
Arghhh, I just wish I could fix everything......
Monday, 14 January 2013
More book type stuff....
In which I am going to mumble semi incoherently about star ratings, Marmite and books (not that I recommend getting Marmite on your books... particularly if the books are on your Kindle)
I've recently read a couple of books which come highly recommended by all and sundry, have excellent star ratings and "must be read" apparently........ thing is for me, they just didn't work.... and to borrow a phrase I've seen bandied about, it maybe that these are Marmite books - you either love them or you hate them - though admittedly for me hate is too strong a word.... I don't actually know if I am capable of hating a book... I can dislike it, not get on with it, be bored to tears by it... but hate? no, probably not...
I am wary now of reading books which "everybody" ... okay so say 95% of all readers and raters on Goodreads think are 5 stars, though this is not because I worry I'll dislike them, but rather because in my own mind I will build up the book thinking it's going to be brilliant only to feel kind of let down by it when it doesn't really grab me the way I'd built it up to.
The thing is.... there isn't really a problem with this at all. People are all different, they like different things.... it would be boring if we didn't..... and this includes the books they read.... There are a few reviewers on Goodreads and on the blogs I follow whose reading opinions appear to gel pretty much with mine and whose opinions I will trust but I am no longer looking at the overall star rating for a book, or going for the popular choice.....
Which brings me to star ratings....... I am sticking with the fact that my star ratings are for my interpretation... pretty much I can say though, if it gets a 4.5 bounced up to 5 or a 5 stars it will definitely be a book I re-read (and yes, more than once)... 3 or 4 stars means to me it was an enjoyable book... and I think I've only given one book a 2 star review... I have left some books I've read without star ratings at all.... not because they don't deserve any but because these have either been hugely popular books but just not for me or because something in the story bugged the hell out of me and I can't rate it because that one thing overshadows the rest of the book for me, but is really not the be all and end all of the story.
One thing I can't stand is seeing people questioning someone else's rating or review.... after all these ratings are personal opinions nothing more... some readers and authors have said they hate seeing low ratings that aren't justified with reasons... but really, if the star ratings are just personal opinions and what one person loves another may hate.... and we are back to Marmite again......Upon which note I want Marmite on toast.. but I am pretty sure there is no bread in the house......
I've recently read a couple of books which come highly recommended by all and sundry, have excellent star ratings and "must be read" apparently........ thing is for me, they just didn't work.... and to borrow a phrase I've seen bandied about, it maybe that these are Marmite books - you either love them or you hate them - though admittedly for me hate is too strong a word.... I don't actually know if I am capable of hating a book... I can dislike it, not get on with it, be bored to tears by it... but hate? no, probably not...
I am wary now of reading books which "everybody" ... okay so say 95% of all readers and raters on Goodreads think are 5 stars, though this is not because I worry I'll dislike them, but rather because in my own mind I will build up the book thinking it's going to be brilliant only to feel kind of let down by it when it doesn't really grab me the way I'd built it up to.
The thing is.... there isn't really a problem with this at all. People are all different, they like different things.... it would be boring if we didn't..... and this includes the books they read.... There are a few reviewers on Goodreads and on the blogs I follow whose reading opinions appear to gel pretty much with mine and whose opinions I will trust but I am no longer looking at the overall star rating for a book, or going for the popular choice.....
Which brings me to star ratings....... I am sticking with the fact that my star ratings are for my interpretation... pretty much I can say though, if it gets a 4.5 bounced up to 5 or a 5 stars it will definitely be a book I re-read (and yes, more than once)... 3 or 4 stars means to me it was an enjoyable book... and I think I've only given one book a 2 star review... I have left some books I've read without star ratings at all.... not because they don't deserve any but because these have either been hugely popular books but just not for me or because something in the story bugged the hell out of me and I can't rate it because that one thing overshadows the rest of the book for me, but is really not the be all and end all of the story.
One thing I can't stand is seeing people questioning someone else's rating or review.... after all these ratings are personal opinions nothing more... some readers and authors have said they hate seeing low ratings that aren't justified with reasons... but really, if the star ratings are just personal opinions and what one person loves another may hate.... and we are back to Marmite again......Upon which note I want Marmite on toast.. but I am pretty sure there is no bread in the house......
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