Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Midweek music for cheering me up...

I am having one of those days where I feel that I can’t open my mouth or post something online without having my head bitten off, or feeling like what I am saying is being totally misunderstood or taken completely out of context.  Where I have only hoped to help I can’t help but believe that I have only probably hurt people even more.... and it’s left me feeling really upset, mainly that I should know better than to get involved, even if I only tried to help in the first place.

Whilst this may just be me .. I am over tired, over sensitive and not a little paranoid with it today…I  just want to go hide from the world for a bit until I can go back to being anonymous and unnoticed, but I really don’t think that is an option in some places…

Oh and if I needed proof that today can in fact get worse, the bag of micro-granule cat litter I've just bought split as I was putting it in the car, going all over the driver and front passenger seats and footwells.... cos that's going to be fun to clean up in the dark tonight! 

So, I today’s music is two tracks from a band that never fails to cheer me up and who are on my “must see” list when they next come to the UK….






Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Short rambling on the subject of love...

Call it what you want... Valentines day or Singles Awareness Day (or hell, my best friend's birthday.. which she I am sure she would agree is much more important ;o).... today is the one day you can't get away from the subject of love....whether it be heartfelt declarations or hideous tacky pink cards with cheap flowers and chocolates attached (sorry, always seemed a hollow gesture to me... we used to try for something original).

I always see love as being at the same time the most simple thing in the world, and at the same time the most difficult and complicated thing you'll ever come across.... you can never fight as hard either for or against someone you truly love.

Now I might be single, but I remain unerringly optimistic on the subject of love and the fairytale ending of "happily ever after".... but whether you are talking about the the "in love" kind of love, or the more general love you have for someone (or something), I don't think it's possible to live without love.

That said I also know at times the hardest thing in the world can be to love yourself enough to let other people love you.  The heart gets a lot of the blame about love, but it's really only a muscle... sure there is some hormonal involvement in all types of love, but at the end of the day for me it's the mindset and mentality that leads you to love.

So whilst in my case my love is shared around my friends and family without that one "special person" I think it's still important to celebrate the fact that love is important in whatever shape or form it comes



Monday, 13 February 2012

Valentines Day Story Challenge...

A while ago I suggested a 1000 word writing challenge entitled "Hell and Love Hearts" on the YA GLBT forum on Goodreads... to be posted tomorrow, an alternative valentines day story, and this is my attempt....




The concert was nearly ending as Murmur slipped into the back of the auditorium and took a seat in the back row; the soft snick of the door closing drowned out by the string quartet playing on the spotlight flooded stage.  Technically, as a demon, he could have just materialised in his seat, concealing his arrival from the rest of the audience; but somehow that seemed, well, wrong.  As it was, no one noticed; or at least almost no one.

In the darker half of the stage, sitting on the bench seat, Luke slouched over the keyboard of the grand piano.  Long blond hair fell around his face, almost a shield between himself and the audience.  As Murmur took his seat Luke jerked upright, his head snapping round.  Vivid blue eyes scoured the audience until they focused on a fixed point.  Although he couldn’t see to the back of the auditorium, he could feel the presence of his mysterious watcher; his muse.   A slow smile crept across his face and he sighed softly before returning his focus to the instrument in front of him.

That sigh sounded like a gentle breeze in the demon’s sensitive ear and to his horror he felt a slow warmth grow from within, spreading through him and heating his cheeks.  He shook his head gently as if trying to clear it, this wasn’t right, demons didn’t blush.  For Devil’s sake, he was one of Satan’s minions, a Count of Hell. He’d stalked the depths of the netherworld and the surface of the Earth gathering souls for his master for centuries. He wasn’t some delicate warm blooded human, run by heart and hormones.

Even as he told himself this Murmur knew that he lied.  He had been drawn to his charge from the start. Instructed to bring over the talented musician’s soul for his master what had started out as simply another job had slowly grown into something else, something different, something he’d never had before.

The audience around him burst into applause, startling him from his thoughts.  Glancing at the stage he saw the members of the string quartet rise and bow to the audience before filing off the stage.  A tuxedo clad MC crossed the stage and took the spotlight.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” he announced formally.  “For our final piece this evening I am pleased to introduce you to our solo pianist, Mr Luke Shaw, an extremely talented twenty year old who this evening will give the first public performance of his debut composition, In Dreams.” 
The spotlight swept across the stage, the filter softening from white to a golden yellow as it settled over the piano, Luke’s hands now poised over the keys waiting to begin.   

The first few bars of the piece were fast paced and strangely discordant, almost jarring.  Underlying the jangling melody, a series of notes in a minor key, repeating again and again; like the stuttering heartbeat of a human in fear. 


Ignoring the startled looks from others in the audience, Murmur closed his eyes and smiled, in dreams indeed; in nightmares. 

Luke had woken screaming, tangled in the bed clothes and drenched in sweat for almost a month after Murmur had first appeared to him in his dreams.  In these nightmares, Murmur had hidden Luke’s musical gift, locking it away deep inside Luke’s mind where it couldn’t be reached.  Pale and listless, unable to hear the music that had been the heartbeat of his life, Luke had taken to wandering the streets in the dark, exhausted yet too scared to fall asleep. 

With Luke no longer able to use his musical gift, Murmur should have moved in with his offer, the price that his master demanded; the return of Luke’s musical talents for the duration of his life, in exchange for his soul and an afterlife in hell.  It never happened.

Echoing around the auditorium the music began to soften, the thrumming heartbeat slowing; the nightmare easing.

One night, lost in the nightmare and unable to focus, Luke had stepped off the pavement into the path of a speeding car.  Following him as usual, Murmur had watched as the vehicle raced towards Luke, the icy grip of a fear that he didn’t fully understand overtaking him.  He had acted without thinking.  Changing instantly to his true form and launching himself between the frail human and approaching death he had snatched him from in front of the car and with a giant sweep of his wings lifted him from harms way.

Cradling Luke’s inert body in his arms Murmur had been overcome with a strange unfamiliar feeling, the need to protect the young human.  As they flew over the city Luke’s blue eyes opened and stared directly into his; and he’d fallen. 


Yet again the music changed, becoming even lighter than before and growing sweeter.  A lullaby.

In the days and weeks after the rescue, risking the wrath of his master, Murmur didn’t leave Luke’ side as gradually he released him from the nightmare he’d created.  Slowly as his gift resurfaced from where it was hidden the bond between the demon and the young man grew.  Murmur knew he should leave, but each time he tried to pull away, to return to his fate in the netherworld, Luke would play again and, like a fish in a net, he was trapped.


Satan raged from the pits of hell, demanding Murmur’s return, seeking retribution, punishment.  The threats had no effect as long as Murmur followed the beat of the music, the beat of Luke’s heart, Hell could not touch them.  Whilst Luke played they were safe.

Long after the music ended and the audience filed out, Murmur remained in his seat, eyes still closed, listening.  Footsteps approached him and stopped, but he was not listening to them, he listened instead to the music of the accompanying heartbeat.  Opening his eyes he smiled as he looked up in to the face of the young man who had completely changed his afterlife. 

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Christmas.... again!

So last night I got to go enjoy a birthday bbq.... and today, it was Christmas again :o)  Complete with tree, presents and almost Christmas dinner ..... well posh Sunday roast, in my case just lots of veg!.... oh and me making cakes at 6.30 am....

And the reason for this?  Well, you know the six degrees of separation game?  There's a version you can play which involves meeting people when travelling across the globe that come from the city I live in... and this story starts with my sister, newly graduated with a degree in politics and a job working for a large international aid relief charity... for which she was posted to the Dominican Republic (she worked for them for about 8 years in various locations around the globe - including Columbia, Haiti, Bangladesh & Bangkok... and for this reason she hates going through airports in the USA as the customs people take one look at her passport and haul her off to search her... sorry I digress)... anyway, she was set up with a flat share with someone she'd never met before (we shall call her Mary) and was working for a similar type of charity... and this person turned out to be from Sheffield too.... they got on like a house on fire and shared the house for about 3 years before floating off to different parts of the world (they have some very interesting tales of their time, some of which kind of make your hair stand on end but I guess that's just the conditions they were working in)

Some years later they both returned home, my sister first, and then Mary... both lodged with my mother till they bought their own houses and found jobs doing slightly less life and limb endangering work. Last year Mary got wanderlust again and applied for a job taking her overseas again.... and in August she flew out to the Solomon Islands to head up a project for a children's charity... she's contracted for 2 years and can only get back every six months... unfortunately she spent Christmas in hospital on her own in Australia having contracted malaria, so when she said she was back for a fortnight in Feb we decided to make it special.... oh and back to the six degrees of separation.. the husband and wife doctor team on the Solomon Islands that treated her, well they are from close by, but their son lives in my sister's street...

Now, I have to admit Mary and I haven't always got on... she came to Sheffield, stayed with mum, spent loads of time with my sister (and mum for that matter) whilst I was over in the wastelands on the other side of the country being carefully kept away from my family and any external friends ... When I returned I found it very difficult as it appeared that she was the elder daughter of the family and I was the interloping friend....... this may just have been my state of mind at the time and things have gradually improved as we've got to know one another.... but until she got the job overseas I was never really very comfortable with her... the distance has helped put a lot of things into perspective and we now e-mail each other frequently so it was really nice to see her today and catch up

I feel I have had a very busy and full weekend, which should have had a nice peaceful conclusion...... only I had an extra special klutz moment when caught my knicker elastic on the end of the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs and stumbled the last three steps before landing on my backside ....... I swear I need a minder at times!

Saturday, 11 February 2012

An evening out in the cold.....

I may never be warm again!

Today it hasn't got above freezing... in fact my day started whilst trying to walk the mob without feeling in my fingers (it was -7).....  and after the sun went down this evening well, the temperature went with it.... and I have been  out to a birthday party... a bbq in fact, yes, outside, yes, in February, whilst there are still piles of snow and ice all over the back garden we were in!

Actually I had a really good time......I wasn't allowed near the bbq itself .. these people know too much about me... I could have done without one of my friends putting a snowball down my back though!

Anyway, I am off to hide under the duvet and demand that the cats hug my feet tightly till they warm up!

And tomorrow it is Christmas again....... but I shall blog about that next time.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Perils of handbags....

I am not a handbag sort of person, but a couple of years ago, badgered by my sister for carrying around all the things I needed to in pockets and grotty carrier bags I was given one of these items for Christmas... a fairly nice leather creation... (though I am sure that it's a breach of the Lesbian code and I should probably give in my card straight away).

Said handbag was chosen apparently because of my habit of carrying around the current sock in progress (which gets whipped out and a couple of rounds put on each time I sit still for five minutes when out in public.. much to my family and friends horror.... yes, knitting in pubs, cafes, friends houses... totally normal, surely?).

In a recent Friday afternoon discussion with some of the other women at work it was determined that my handbag contents were pretty unique - and that's aside from the knitting - whilst we all had the standard purse and phone combo, theirs all contained make up, mirrors and other beautification things - mine contained the Kindle, MP3 player, clicker (which is a device for dog training that makes a clicking sound when you press it - it conditions the dogs to expect a treat on the sound... it's also great fun to click in the middle of an office and watch all the heads appear over the top of the pods whilst they try to work out what it was and where it came from).... my hand bag also contained 3 teaspoons (which is quite a low number for me... seriously, somewhere there is a loop in the space time continuum between the back of peoples kitchen draws and my handbag, through which teaspoons travel at will), the knitting and a tub of vaseline (not the posh lip balm everyone else had)

Today my handbag contained something else, which I put in there before I left work and then completely forgot about when fishing for my purse in the shop...... which was unfortunate, as said object, was a large carving knife I'd taken in to work to cut the birthday cake yesterday.... I didn't bleed too much on the shopping but I've lightly sliced three fingers and a bit of the palm of my hand.

Why yes, I am a klutz, but you knew this already....

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Midweek Music...

Ah tis Wednesday, the night I skive off actually thinking about what to blog about (no really, I do usually put some thought into it!)

Now you've probably gathered that my usual musical tastes run to Alternative Indie, normally at the heavier end, with a touch of folk type music thrown in for good measure (which roughly translates according to a friend of mine to "music to slit your wrists too")... so for a change, a band/singer at the slightly lighter end of the spectrum and two tunes, one from a while back and the current track, both of which have given me ear worms in recent days...