Back to school ..... apparently....

Hmmm, well it's been a week since I properly updated on life in the mad house with added critters, so what has been happening.....

Well to be honest not a lot......... I had a minor melt down towards the beginning of last week brought on by a combination of feeling very lonely post visitors leaving, having a busy time of it at work whilst feeling completely unappreciated (particularly discovering that my team leader had taken all the credit for all of the work done to deal with files when people in the team had left/gone on maternity leave - which is utter bollocks but I can't really evidence this and anyway it's too late now), then a mutual friend of myself and the ex told me all about how she'd met up with the ex who had told her all about how she'd had to take her wife's bank cards from her as she couldn't manage her money - which triggered some major flashbacks as this was how the abuse started with me - and all of this finally led to me having a complete tears & tissues session with my counsellor..... after all that I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide for a couple of months.

I think the whole thing in the counsellor was to do with the fact we've been working on making me like myself enough to take care of myself........ it's started with small things that I want to do (or in some cases should have done months if not years ago) and some things he suggested I do....... but we've been at this a couple of months now and I've started trying to do bits and pieces, and with all the negatives, I just couldn't see the point.  And the problems with negatives, you find one, and sure enough before long if you think carefully you can find loads more....... and suddenly everything gets very negative and you start to wonder what the hell the point is and why you are bothering.

I am still going to keep working on stuff, I have no intention of giving up, but at times it all gets a bit bleak.  For this reason I am back to weekly "talk about myself" sessions until I can work myself out of the current trip through the darker parts of my mind.

One of the other things my counsellor wants me to think about is ways to get out and meet more people - I was telling him how much I loved going to the recent UK meet - and he has suggested that I might want to do an evening class ..... "suggest" is such a misleading word for the directions I was given.......

I've been told that perhaps basic home electric maintenance and welding would perhaps not be a good idea (though certain European friends did say it would be fine, if I set the UK alight the channel would save them!).... I considered the Furniture Making for Women course - but really, me and hammers, perhaps not... I am not allowed to do anything which is work related (which I think also rules out accountancy or book keeping... which would probably send me to sleep anyway).  Someone suggested that I take a course in witchcraft - but I can't find one locally.... And that leaves me with potentially a language course - probably German or Spanish (I studied French, Latin and Ancient Greek at school). Oh I don't know... I am leaning towards learning German and making my online friends in that neck of the wood help me... a lot!

I need to put a list of possible courses I've researched (complete with times, venues, start dates, prices etc) together for Wednesday............ There is temptation to find the something really frivolous - like the cake decorating ...... or nail technology..... is quite high.  I considered a writing course....... but I have an idea that the course tutor may not appreciate my tendency for everything I write to disintegrate to smut in the end.


In other news, summer is apparently over and it is the season for ducks......... and for the invasion of every damn spider in the universe into my house which makes the nightly spider hunting of the felines into a huge production of epic proportions which I do not appreciate (mind you, not keen on the spider that likes to hang over my bed waving two of it's legs at me either....)