Bribery works...

As I was bemoaning last night that this weekend I had to do my assignment rather than actually having a weekend it was none too subtly pointed out to me that it was entirely my own fault that it was over due, that I deserved no sympathy for it, that I was well aware when the deadline was and that there was no reason that I had missed it....... that will teach me to whine

So this morning there was a promise, that if I did the assignment without whining or procrastinating I would be allowed treat.... yes, it's a well known fact bribery works (or in dog training terms - positive reinforcement through reward based training)

The assignment is done, save for a couple of bits of tidying up I needed the net for and didn't dare use whilst I was doing the assignment because I would be too easily distracted.

Anyway, apparently I did enough of it to warrant my reward, it's only a little thing, but for the first time in about 4 months I have ice cream .... which I am now off to enjoy, in bed...

Random act of kindness

By home time this afternoon my weekend plans had kind of been shot to bits, I was meant to go visit my little net sister tomorrow, but she has to go work, and not even at a time when I can visit round, oh no.  Then I got an e-mail from my tutor gently reminding me that my criminal law assignment was overdue (grumble, grumble, moan, whine, what do I need a professional qualification for anyway) which means that tomorrow I will finish the thing and get it submitted.

So, by the time I nipped into the petrol station come mini supermarket thing on the way home I wasn't overly delighted with the world.

I filled up the car and went and picked up a few bits and pieces to get me through the assignment (I find that ice cream helps these things - yes even if it is about -5 out there at present).  When I got to the checkout there was one person in front of me who was just finishing up.  Anyway, a bloke came in with cash just to pay for petrol so, because my parents bought me up to have manners and also because he looked a bit flustered, I let him push in in front of me.

He smiled said thanks and I thought nothing more of it.  He paid and then turned round, smiled and said thanks... and then handed me a small bunch of daffodils that he'd picked up from the flower display next to the till.

The daffodils are in a bright yellow mini bucket that doubles as a vase on the kitchen windowsill and I am all happy and touched that someone did that just because I let them queue jump

It is sometimes the little things that can make you feel a huge amount better about stuff.

Tightly coiled spring impersonation....

Since Saturday, apparently unsurprisingly to those that know me, I've been getting myself slowly more and more wound up about things that I cannot change.... in this case mum and her lump...

Tuesday, she met the Consultant and the nursing team, and today she had the scan..... and she won't get the results for probably a week......

I cannot hurry the results, I cannot change what ever the results are, I cannot in fact do anything save wait and be patient .... yeah, right, instead I have been getting more and more wound up about it, wanting to do, well, something, anything.... it reached the point this evening where I have just been informed that I am being a right royal pain in the neck and that I need to pull myself together and get a grip... it was also pointed out that I need to do this now rather than wind myself up further for the next seven days as my work is suffering (and my assignment is still not done) because my concentration is shot to hell...I've also been horribly snappy and rude (there will be apologies tomorrow)

So, when I've read the riot act to Gina and Hugo - who have destroyed 2 toilet rolls in 2 days (and these things do not grow on trees) and have yet to confess as to the whereabouts of my headphones - I have strict instructions to take myself off to bed and stay there till the alarm (ok, well Ivan) goes off tomorrow.....

Midweek Music

Today I have had the fidgets, and whilst I worked there was chair dancing and possibly even some singing along to the MP3 player as I drafted .... though hampered by the fact that I had to use the emergency ear phones as I still haven't managed to locate the usual ear phones after Hugo stole them last night... I've checked all his usual hiding places and can only assume that he (and possibly Gina) have eaten the damn things...

And because I have given in to the whole insomnia thing I finally got up the courage to read Hot Head (which was the book that I was holding off reading as I was worried that I'd not enjoy it as much as the hype said I should).

Anyway, today has been a folk-ish tunes kind of day so I thought I'd share a couple of the tunes that made the day go that little bit faster....

Attack of the Vampire Bunnies.....

Not really, an out of control plot bunny maybe!  My plot bunny (he goes by the name of Rupert, originally from Australia but with a keen sense of adventure.  He's been with me for about 10 years after he hitched a ride from Platform 14 of Manchester Piccadilly Station one wet and windy Sunday afternoon as I made my way back home after a weekend away.  Since then he has whispered at me, nagged me and argued long and loud with the characters in my head about what they are going to do next) bit quite hard, but oh so subtly about six weeks ago.... normally he's not a big one for subtle but this time there has been a slow gradual build of whispering too me...

it started with this picture...

(and normally I am so careful not to let him access the net)...

Anyway, green eyed girl is a cat shifter (domestic cat - which makes her a Class 2 shifter (Class 1's are high prey drive animals, Class 2 are domesticated carnivores and Class 3 the harmless fluffy things mainly) who is currently sulking and refusing to change back into human form as her parents have ripped her away from her home and friends to move to the other end of the country.

The blindfolded girl is an elemental... my preference is for a fire elemental but the bunny is chanting Earth at me.... she is none to happy as her girlfriend dumped her at the beginning of the summer holidays, her best friend who lived next door has moved away and her parents are constantly fighting...

Misery loves company as you know....and cats are attracted to the body heat of a human (or not quite human), particularly a fire (or earth apparently) which are a degree or two warmer than a "neutral" (non elemental/shifter/fae type) and a lot warmer than either water or air elementals (water elementals particularly, when they get annoyed they freeze things...)

I have some thoughts about where the plot of this is going, ably assisted by this photo I found.....


I may give in on this one and just let the bunny and the character guide me and see what happens....

I have blisters.....

I think that breaking in new shoes should actually fall somewhere inside the Geneva Convention on torture...

Today I have tried this... admittedly a whole day at work in them as a first attempt might not, in hindsight, have been a good idea... they did remain on my feet till I got out the office (though that was a struggle) but I'm afraid the walk from the office to the car park, the drive home with the mad dash round the shop were done barefoot.

Thank goodness it's unseasonably warm and the pavements were dry (I could at this point tell you of a very drunken night as a student when a friend an I in a quest at 3 am to get pizza walked round most of the town barefoot - we had it figured if we were stopped by the police we'd just tell them we were doing a dissertation on the temperature and surface texture of pavement surfaces at night...)

So, I am going to take my sore feet and soak them in the bath whilst reading the SmutKindle and trying to persuade the cats not to join me....

A song about new shoes being a wonderful thing... like the song, don't agree with the lyrics...

Scared....

Right now I don't know whether to laugh hysterically, cry or rant at the universe.  I've spent the last 24 hours trying to get my feelings sorted in my head but I am just going round and round in circles here.

I am so fucking scared.

I went to mum's yesterday for coffee and as we sat nattering and doing the crossword she calmly announces that she found a lump in her stomach before Christmas and that last week whilst she was at the doctors she got them to look at it. They are concerned enough that she goes into hospital for an urgent scan and testing on Tuesday.

Now part of me is optimistically hanging onto the fact that where the lump is is close to the site where she had her appendix out, and gall bladder, and it could just be scar tissue... nope, not hanging onto that optimism very well... a huge great clanging part of me is seeking only blackness and the words "tumour" and "cancer" in front of me....

Then she goes on to tell me that she's not alone, as my sister's last routine gynae exam has shown irregular results and she too is going into hospital for further tests in the next week.....

I will be strong, and support them and help them, but this is my family, I don't want them to be ill, I don't want to loose them, I can't do this.....