Rinse and Repeat.........

So, normality (in so far as my life is in anyway normal) has been back for three weeks now.... and I am in the grind of get up, sort dogs, go to work, come home, sort dogs, collapse for a couple of hours in front of the computer/TV/Kindle/knitting depending on my mood, before going to bed and starting all over again....... and to be honest... just three weeks in and I am hating it....

Yesterday I let fly at my counsellor.... which I feel somewhat guilty about but he did say that it was fine and part of his job to help me deal with my emotions... the thing is, this rut I am in, I have no clue how to get out of it.  So guess what my homework is this week?

Aside from the people I work with and seeing my mum on a Wednesday evening and Saturday morning I don't really socialise at all with real people (caveat - my internet friends are real (and fantastic) I just don't get to see them in person).  I only really see my sister a couple of hours a week, but then she very definitely has her own life.

I know something has to change, and my counsellor is trying to give me a push......... but I have no idea how to go about it.  I have no choice but to work - and anyway, I actually like the job (most of the time - today is not a good day to be writing that as it's been pure hell) and the people I work with.  I don't intend to change anything about the critters I own - sure I know they are a tie, but they are also one of the only things in my life that keep me tethered to it.

I've come to the conclusion need to find a hobby or activity that gets me out the house in the evening.. or I perhaps I should go and  learn something new........ the trouble is, I have no idea what I want to do.......I am not really a sociable person, I am not a fan of meeting new people - partially shyness, but also a fear of people pointing and laughing (yes seriously it has happened in the past - making fun of the fat person is the last socially acceptable form of harassment and bullying) and of course their are the physical limitations of a body that doesn't work properly.

I keep going round and round in circles about what I might want to do... and am getting no where fast with any decision making....... so I guess I'll go knit in front of the TV whilst I think some more about it....