Books I read in July....

Considering that I was trying to finish three assignments before the end of the month I seem to have done a fair amount of avoidance by hiding in my Kindle....

1.       Three Wishes – Sean Michael

2.       Three more Wishes – Sean Michael

3.       A Foreign Range – Andrew Grey

4.       Word on a Wing – Jamie Craig – possibly my favourite his month

5.       The Jack & Danny Chronicles – Fabian Black

6.       Kit’s Demerits – Fabian Black

7.       The Sacred Sword – Scott Mariani  - not M/M – but I retain a huge soft spot for the MC, Ben Hope, and think these are by far the best of the “action adventure” type books available

8.       Swan Songs (Tarn Swan) – very amusing diaries similar to those of Gillibran Brown with a domestic discipline background and an over dramatic cross dressing brat

9.       The Stardust Diaries 2006 – Tarn Swan

10.   Going to the Chapel  - Tarn Swan

11.   Two Men for Two Brothers – Sean Michael

12.   Loving Peter – Bonnie Dee

13.   Light outside the closet – Stephani Hecht – YA  - GLBT Group read for July (short but good)

14.   Left in the Darkness – Stephani Hecht – YA – again short and with a hell of a cliff hanger ending

15.   Packing Leather – Kim Dare

16.   Crossing Borders – Z A Maxfield (R)

17.   Tattoos & Teacups – Anna Martin – I was loving this until really close to the end when a potential story line that had only been hinted at was suddenly dropped in and resolved as if by magic

18.   Obedience Training – Mya

19.   Breaking Cover – Sean Michael

20.   End of the Beginning – John Goode – YA

21.   Raise your Glass – John Goode – YA

22.   Under Contract – Helen Saito

23.   Wild Horses – D. River

24.   Angel and The Assassin – Fyn Alexander (R) – I read this back in February and thought at the time I’d missed something because it had everything about it that I should have liked... it really clicked this time round so I bought the other two in the series and lost a whole day.....

25.   Be Brave (Angel and The Assassin) – Fyn Alexander

26.   Sins of the father (Angel and The Assassin) – Fyn Alexander

27.   Calling the show – J.A. Rock

28.   Redemption by Fire – Andrew Grey

29.   Love Runes – Jay Lygon

30.   Horizons – Mickie B Ashling

31.   Taste – Mickie B Ashling

32.   Daddio – Mickie B Ashling – This series got progressively better throughout and for once you got character development, plot and kinks without one overshadowing all the rest.

33.   Office Hours – Sean Michael

34.   Straight as an Arrow – Sean Michael

35.   The Isle of ... Where? Sue Brown

36.   A thread of Deepest Black – Finn Marlowe – I’d had this on the Kindle since Christmas and just never felt in the right mood to read it, I am glad I persevered this time as I really enjoyed it particularly as for a werewolf type book there were no Greek letters, fated bonds or soulmates....

37.   Morning Report – Sue Brown

And because, you know, I need to challenge myself to read more *rolls eyes* I signed up to the August challenge on the M/M goodreads group giving myself a head start list of 10 books (though one of them is the first of the Dangerous Grounds series - which I am sure will mean reading the whole lot before I am through.....

Critter chaos (yes, again) ....

I have been having a nice relaxing weekend... in which there was reading, sofa surfing, posh Sunday brunch out and a lovely Indian Head Massage

Unfortunately.... there has also been critter chaos...... all because... it's Hormone Hell Week!  Also known as ... oh good Goddess, keep the curtains closed, if the neighbours look in they'll be scandalised by what's happening in the middle of the lounge floor.... 


Why yes, I have not just one critter in season, but two of them.... and worse still I have Gretchen (aka all flirting and no follow through) and Hope (aka floozy that flings herself at any dog that looks in her direction) and whilst having two in season at once lessens the pain (trust me, they usually come in season in sequence making the whole thing last nearly 9 weeks... )


This weekend they hit "critical" where, if allowed to they'd get themselves knocked up.... so not going to happen ... mainly because I become mean and nasty and we won't be going walking for another week or so...but also in Gretchen's case because she doesn't thing motherhood would suit her and when I tried to have a litter from her she, erm, politely declined (well, wouldn't entertain the stud dog)

Sadly all these hormones have to have their release somewhere which means.... Ivan bless him is terrified and perpetually hiding under my chair, or behind me on the sofa..... in fact he's asked to go into his night crate three times today when Hope throwing herself at him all got too much for him.

Instead the girls have been providing their own hormonal stress relief by flirting outrageously with each other, having some girl on girl action and the occasional three way in the middle of the lounge (hence closing the curtains!)

Days off....

I am pretty useless at taking the annual leave I am meant to... I normally have to roll over the maximum allowed 5 days, which of course means I always have more to take the next year.  So, after my team leader muttered at me that I have to fit in 20 days before Christmas I booked off some long weekends over the summer... starting this weekend.

Yesterday, I managed to finish the final outstanding assignment, today my tutor confirmed it's going to pass so I can submit it for marking - 4 days ahead of the course deadline which is a bit of a record for me as I am not still scrabbling about trying to finish on deadline day .... so Yay! I am officially finished with my course work for this qualification..... two exams in November and I shall be properly qualified... and before I turn 40!

Today I was bribed with the promise of cheesecake to go spend the day with a friend who lives an hour or so away.... okay, so she has no need to bribe me,  I'd have gone willingly but hey, cheesecake is always a winner.... we sat out in the sunshine and nattered away for several hours whilst entertaining her cats.

Then I came home... and thought to myself... no it isn't Sunday evening, I do not have to go to work tomorrow... in fact... I have a whole weekend to enjoy still .... which is a very happy thought!  I have no plans, no things I "have" to do..... okay, well there is the housework, but then there is always the housework... so I feel some major relaxation and me time.... I may possibly see if I can book a massage as a treat for finishing my course.

Go away human and stop making fun of my little head says Hugo

For now I am watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics on the net :)

The critters however, are quite confused as to why on earth I am hanging about disturbing their sleeping time!

random mumbling....

Whilst I take baby steps towards trying to get myself back on track mentally (though I have taken a giant leap and got an appointment with a new counsellor for Thursday... I decided sod it and used the health insurance I have through work to find a private therapist rather than going through my own doctor for a referral and having to wait for months like last time) I am doing a lot of, well, nothing much.

In other words... hiding in books and knitting again... oh and failing to finish that final assignment that has to be submitted by Tuesday to the board and probably by Friday to my tutor.... It will get done, I am just struggling to get the material I need to read, digest and spit out as an answer to actually make it past my eyeballs.

I have read far a stupid number books in the last few days ... and somehow managed to purchase another seven today..... okay, I know how I managed to do it, but as there are 50 odd sitting waiting to be read on the Kindle already I didn't really need to.... why can't I buy the first book in a series?  Why do I have to buy the entire series (in this case the Horizons series by Mickie B Ashling and the Dangerous Grounds series by Josh Lanyon) I have promised myself (a) no more books till at least 10 have come off the Kindle and (b) no starting a new series till the essay is done..... do they do a 12 step programme for compulsive book purchasers and readers??

Kammi - far too cute to ever mess
with the yarn!

Knitting wise I am down to 2 WIPs.... the husband socks, which I am halfway down the foot of the 2nd sock and a shawl which I have about another 8 pattern repeats to do.... I am hoping to get them finished soon as I have requested for 3 more pairs of socks (which people have actually paid for the yarn or handed over the yarn) and some baby stuff for a colleague at work......I also have 1 skein of lace weight and 2 skeins of very posh silk blend sock yarn to wind into balls at some point.... trouble is, every time I look at them I catch sight of Gretchen in the corner of my eye looking oh so helpful on the tangling up the yarn front!

Right, I must now go wrap up my mother's birthday present... I managed to find her some nice little gifts as well as what she actually wanted.... which was a sonic screwdriver... I mean toothbrush.. which is just so not a glamorous and personal present!  We are taking her out for a meal tomorrow night.... and I finally get to meet my sister's other half properly for the first time.

 

Emotional tipping point...

For a while now I've been operating in that kind of blank state where I don't allow myself to feel anything emotionally.  If I'm honest it probably started back in May when the work fiasco collided with finding AP's condition was terminal and the sudden amount of, for want of a better word, counselling I was doing for friends.  The reason I can pin point it to May is that since then I've not been able to write ... I need my emotions to write, I can't write when I can't feel.

The thing is, I learnt at an early age that sometimes my emotions were best put on hold whilst I dealt with everyone around me.  It's actually probably not a good habit to have. I know I still do it when I don't want to deal with something emotionally difficult, I know that I will do it in order to help any of my friends and I know my counsellor gets very cross when I do it.... but sometimes it's just the safest and easiest thing to do.

Trouble is, after a while, I go numb.... I don't allow myself to have any emotions at all, I just drift along and do what I am expected to with my life.  I'm also very good at hiding it.... I can act appropriately happy/excited/sad etc, I can do sympathy and mean it, but as far as my own emotions go I lie.  There are only two people who ever really get an answer to the question "are you okay?" with anything like the truth.... neither of which I've had access to in the last couple of months.

At AP's funeral on Monday I felt like I was going through the motions, and it's been like that all through the week.  Today I went out with friends for a lovely Spanish meal and appeared to have a wonderful time.. thing is, I actually didn't feel like I was there.... it was like watching myself from the other side of the room as I laughed, chattered and shared jokes.

I think the realisation that I was that so far removed from my own emotions hit a tipping point this afternoon when I was curled up on the sofa and the really naff children's film I was watching suddenly made me start to cry.... and cry.... and then I couldn't stop.  I'm not sure how long it went on for because I fell asleep and although I woke with a horrible headache I felt a lot better.

I've given myself the evening off from everything, no phone calls, no texts, no msn and am about to hit a long hot shower before having a early bed time in the hope that the release from the crying will help me sleep.  With luck this is a timely wake up call and I can get a grip on my emotions and admitting that just sometimes, no I am not actually okay.

Critters......

When she was visiting the other month the half daughter, in preparation and practice for when she starts her photography course in September, took rather a lot of photos of the critters.... after much nagging she sent them through to me the other night.... some of them are rather good (particularly given they are never blinking still enough or co-operative enough to get decent photos) and as a very proud half mother (not to mention critter minion) here are a few....

Hugo looking slight concerned
(no change there then!)

Newel Post balancing is a favourite hobby,
of Gina's particularly whilst singing, loudly, in the hope
that one day someone will take pity and give
extra food

See, she's angelic really!
cunningly angled photo so Gretchen's devil's horns
aren't on show!

Hope (less) puppy!
only she's not as she's now 2 years old
her favourite game is to nick my chair when
I stand up and then refuse to get off again!

Midweek Music.....

Because I haven't done this for a while and there is the whole Olympic thing happening at the other end of the Country starting next week.... So I thought I would give you one of my favourite tunes about the venue :)

I don't usually do music classified as pop but I have a soft spot for very clever lyrics and Lily Allen can certainly write them (that and she's quite cute helps!)