This weekend past was not a good one. I thought I was doing fine, but apparently not.
I think I've been happily compartmentalising my feelings since dad died, or in other words, ignoring them, bottling them up and coping..... and yes, still being strong for everyone else.
Now in the back of my mind I knew that tomorrow marks six months since he died..... and time passes so I know these little landmarks will creep up on me... but on Sunday I went to my sisters and was presented with some of dad's things which she'd bought up from his house after spending the weekend before there.
These included some things that were very important to just Dad and I, in particular his archery equipment. I taught me to shoot, he was a county coach, and we traveled all over the country going to competitions, running have a go events and generally having lots of fun. I obviously have my own equipment, but now I also have his, plus a briefcase full of what turns out to be score cards, both his and mine, that he'd kept, a couple of small trophies I'd won and his hip flask, which normally full of whiskey came to ever shoot with us - particularly those where we were traipsing through woods or over golf courses in miserable weather.
I was also given one of his watches, the older one that he wore every day, the one I remember from being a child. I am looking at it and it just seems so wrong to not be around his wrist which is where in my mind I ca see it.
How upset I was by this didn't hit me till I tried to go to sleep last night and, well, that just didn't happen. I was grooming the dog at 2 am just to keep myself busy.
Next month is dad's birthday, just a few days after mine. I am not sure how I am going to cope with that but at least I've got the option of planning for that landmine....... I guess I just have to wait and see when I hit the next one and cope as best I can
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