Reality returns with a thump.........

There's nothing quite like returning to normality with a bang.

Yep, the weekend high crashed and burnt as today I was back at work......... I was in the office by 8 am, on the basis that there would be catching up to be done...... and surprisingly my team leader was already in. As I logged onto the computer she waved an envelope at me and said "shall we go do this now"..... which lead to a moments panic as my mind went "oh, shit, what the fuck have I done now??"

I dutifully followed her to one of our meeting rooms, sitting in trepidation and waiting whilst she fiddled with blinds and things.  Then she calmly announces that everyone had their annual pay review last week when I was off and this was mine.  Oh, okay, fine.  So after the obligatory explanation of how much the team had to share out between us she let me know that I'd been given a just over the cost of living payrise (providing the cost of living doesn't go up in the next 12 months that is.......... it says a lot when 20 years after I went to university i still don't earn enough to have to pay back my student loans!).  I questioned whether there were bonuses this year, to be told, yes there was, but I wasn't being given one.

Now I know these things are discretionary ... but... in the last 12 months I have been acting Deputy Team Leader (and on occasions Team Leader) to cover someone's maternity leave, and I'd achieved my professional qualification... oh, and I'd exceeded my annual time and fees targets......... apparently this wasn't enough..... obviously you have to bleed for the company now........

To say I was unimpressed was something of an understatement.  I may have returned to my desk, plugged myself into my earphones and studiously ignored everyone for the rest of the day.  Seriously I am beginning to wonder why I bother.  No matter how hard I work, what I do, what extras I take on, it is never enough to satisfy them.  They talk of company loyalty but what loyalty do they actually show to us?  Okay so most of the time I enjoy working where I do, but seriously, they appear to care less and less about their staff.

Oh, and to make matters worse, the powers that be have locked all the windows in the office and removed the keys as they say that open windows prevents the air con working properly....... thing is, the air con just doesn't bloody work at all most of the time.  As a result of the lack of fresh air I have a banging headache this evening to add to the general pissed off at the world feeling I have.

I wasn't sure earlier if I wanted to rant about how unfair this all was, or burst in to tears.......luckily I have a safe space online where some very good friends lurk with me, I vented and they made me feel wanted and appreciated.... work might suck, but at least I have friends.

UK GLBT Fiction Meet - day two

More ramblings from my attendance at this year's meet ....

So, this morning off I went again over the moors to Manchester.... I was slightly early for the kick of time so sat and drank tea whilst talking to the other early arrivals.... oh and knitting.  I did this on and off during the weekend and it got several comments.... I really much now finish this pair of sparkly purple meet socks!

So, after intros and announcements I had to go do something official.... some time back I was asked whether I could help on a panel for readers only, obtaining feed back and comments about what they liked and didn't like.  I thought I was going to be note taking, but instead I facilitated.... which basically just meant keeping order (though Charlie had the Meet Whistle, which she used frequently in that panel!).... the discussion was interesting and lively touching on several subjects but in particular writer and reader behaviour and expectations.  There will be a summary posted on the UK meet site in due course.

After that I went to panel on humour in fiction, which had some great examples of what worked and didn't work, with additional comments made from the floor.... then there was panel on HEAs and sequels, which also touched on epilogues and whether anyone actually liked them.

Marie Sexton made today's keynote speech which was about the fact that you shouldn't have to explain or apologise for what you write or read. She then bravely took questions from the floor.

After lunch there was a discussion on what people wanted next year in Bristol, both panel/discussion wise, but also in terms of evening entertainment, facilities etc.

There was lots of time to talk during the day but by about 4.00 pm people were starting to drift off so I decided that it was time to go home.

I am not sure how, but Rupert apparently snuck along in my bag over the weekend and, well it's a good job I know my way home as he whispered most of the way back with some ideas he'd like me to transcribe for him... bloody bunnies... next year he stays home!

And yes, there will be a next year... the dog sitter is already booked so I can stay away... now just have to arm twist some friends who I think would enjoy it to come with me :)

UK GLBT Fiction Meet - day one

Okay, this isn't any sort of official summary this is just about my day :)

And it started early after a really bad night's sleep - but off we went by 7.30 am over Snake Pass in the early morning sunshine.... and into Manchester.. where I promptly got lost and went around the hotel about 3 times before I found the car park...... I swear my sat nav lies to me..... okay, she doesn't really, I just wasn't concentrating... possibly...

So I met some other people in the lift on the way up to the meeting room and there were a lot of people sat around having coffee .... some obviously had a very good night on Friday :)

I found Clare London and delivered a transatlantic hug as requested ... she was very pleased and was saying how much she is going to miss Chris at GRL this year.  I then knitted whilst we waited to start - and got quite a few comments as I was doing so :)

The first panel was about covers and what sells....... and how we might not like the decapitated naked torso but it helps with sales.......  After that I went to a panel run by Aleks Voinov, Victoria Oldham (of Boldstroke Books) and Becky Black on aspiring authors (what can I say, sometimes i have delusions that I might write something publishable one day)

Then there was lunch..... when I sat and nattered to Charlie Cochrane, her daughter who is general dogsbody for the event, and Liam Livings about all sorts of things.

After lunch there were tables set up for different conversations and I again found myself on a getting started at being published table..... though the conversation wandered around a lot including dealing with over ambitious plot bunnies, how we write, the importance of honest friends to read for you and for some reason I then ended up talking about different YA authors and how a lot were offering a wider range than just M/M books (which reminds me, must get some web addresses for these for tomorrow).  I may just have also got a potential first line editor for a certain brat-fic story that I could be writing.... not sure entirely how that happened!

I met up with Anke, who was lovely, and we talked, dogs, holidays and her visit to England as well has how much she misses seeing certain conversations she used to see on line.

Today's key note speaker was Elisa Rolle, who is one of the most long standing M/M bloggers.  She was talking about her introduction to gay romance (through E.M. Forster's Maurice which she bought with her pocket money when she was 14) and how the genre has evolved.

After that there was a sales opportunity for authors.... in which I had a wander round and looked longingly at lots of books before setting on getting a copy of Aliens, Smith & Jones by Blaine D Arden, I narrowly missed the last copy of A Party Boy's Guide to Dating a Geek by Piper Vaughan but made up for it byy buying probably the only books by J.L Merrow I don't already have......... I may have had a minor embarrassing fan-girl squeeing moment at her - but I am sure she will forgive me for this - she gave me one of the really nice embroidery thread bracelets she'd made.

Then alas I had to go home to deal with rent a mob and the nikked ones....... who were quite unimpressed to see me.  I have since unpacked my swag back... I have lots of post cards, book marks, a memory stick of stuff, note pad, couple of key rings and badges... oh and lots and lots of pens.....

Tomorrow I am going off again in the early hours for day two............... and next year I am so staying over and doing the whole thing!

For Kat.........

See this picture

Imagine these are all the positive vibes

that are being sent your way

to help whilst things are tough

Hang in there

You are brave and strong

Warning... whining ahead.........

I am on holiday........ well that is to say, I am not at work... I carefully booked 2 days off pre UK meet to get all the stuff I usually do on a weekend done so I can go away without worrying (and I've Monday off to catch up on sleep/relaxing as i am pretty sure already that even going as just a day visitor to the meet will mean I push myself too hard and over do it)

That said, it's nice to have days off work in July when for the first time in 4 years I am not using them to madly finish my assignments before the course deadline.... see there was an advantage to qualifying :)

After work last night I had a "talk about myself" session with my counsellor...... and joy of joy, he wants to talk about relationships and why I won't let anyone close..... then I got told off for being non co-operative when I kept changing the subject.......

Today I was meant to start off by relaxing post dog walk and, hopefully, getting in a couple of extra hours sleep...... only it's Thursday, which is bin day... okay this shouldn't usually be a problem, I've never known the bin wagon come until at least midday...... oh no, not this morning, 6.30 am and there are flashing lights, beeping reverse warnings (complete with woman's voice telling us loudly that's what is happening) as the wagon makes it's way backwards down the croft...... suffice to say there went my plans for extra sleep.

This morning I did laundry...... then it was time for Dental Torture, Part III........... the idea was to try and do two fillings ........ yeah, that failed, I have one filled tooth and one more gap, as the other tooth disintegrated in quite spectacular fashion.... the anaesthetic has worn off now and I swear that missing tooth hurts more than it ever did before the damn dentist started fiddling with them......... Part IV (the final segment) happens on 23rd July......... and that will involve having an impacted wisdom tooth removed........ joy.......

The rest of the day I was supposed to be taking it easy, only I couldn't settle to anything.  I decided to knit a new Kindle cover..... only my magic looping skills failed and against a wall of frustration the entire ball of yarn, circs and about 2 inches of knitting ended up getting thrown across the room.......  I tried to read, but I can't sodding concentrate....... the cats keep screaming at me for no reason and I have just about had it completely with the dog over the back whose owners just let it bark none stop........

Add to this that although I'm excited about the weekend I'm also really nervous...... I can't really put into words why, when I think about it I start feeling sick.... I did wonder about just not turning up, but I promised to note take at a panel on Sunday.......

Right now I'd really like a hug and for someone to tell me that it will all be fine.... *sigh* yeah, not going to happen in this lifetime....... I shall remain doomed to be the mad animal woman that lives in the house with the massively overgrown garden that the kids point and laugh at from a safe distance but run away from if I get within talking distance..........

In which there is melting.............

Temperatures are climbing rapidly round here to +30Cc  (okay, yes, this isn't high for some people, but for us it is)  anyway, last night it didn't get much cooler and after a pointless attempt to explain to the cats that I really didn't need their little furnace like little bodies draped over mine as I was trying to sleep I was a gnats grumpy... not helped by the fact the dogs drank their water bowls dry and by 2 am needed more water and to go outside, for obvious reasons.

Gina
Twisty cat! Sunbathing on the damp towel I wasn't
allowed to hang up...

Dog walking this morning was very lethargic... and I left them to go to work with 2 full water bowls (each with a block of ice in as well as water) and three large wet towels spread around the kitchen floor... which is tiled and stays reasonably cool..... okay I got to head out to my so called air conditioned office and for once was thankful that I have to park in the multistory car park down the road as it at least meant the car was cool this evening.  There has been more pathetic lounging about by the dogs at home this evening ... though I have taken pity on them (and me) and dug out the fan which is now blasting away in the kitchen

Hugo
Not impressed at being woken from his, erm, 14th? nap of the day

Meanwhile, upstairs, the naked ones are having a ball.  During the day they empty their food bowls and then lay about soaking up the sun's rays until they actually become too hot to touch, particularly on the white/pink bits of skin (yes, I put sun cream on them this morning).... unfortunately, all this food and energy has to go somewhere, which means, come bed time when the moths come out and the odd fly heads upstairs it's an insect chasing free for all...........

Hugo can get round the bedroom now without touching his paws to the floor - okay it's a long wobbly leap from the top of the door to the wardrobe and vice versa but he usually manages it...... I just he wouldn't use me as a mid point leaping station between door and window ledge going the other way.

This weather is set to last until well into next week, which is going to make me very grateful the UK Fiction meet is inside!

Fun in the sun......

Well, it feels like summer today.... it's been warm and sunny, with temperatures reaching about 28C which is pretty good for here.

This morning I got up early and sorted the house and critters out quite early whilst it was fairly cool, then headed off to meet a friend for ice cream and gossip at the local home made ice cream farm shop place...... I was not very good though.... I had a scoop of snickers flavour and an extremely naughty scoop of cappuccino flavour... which had chocolate coffee beans in it .... yummm.... the resultant sugar/caffeine high kept me going for the rest of the day :)

After a quick stop over at home to let the critters out and give them some attention I headed to my sisters house where she and her partner were throwing a party to celebrate his moving in.  I was put in charge of their very large, shiny new bbq.... which after setting fire to the nice purple flowering plant thing behind it was deemed possibly not to have been the best idea in the world....... in my defence had they simply let me built the coals up and light them properly this wouldn't have happened, but they'd bought these stupid bags of coals that you just light the cardboard outer of, and the things seem to have some sort of accelerant in them which made them flame spectacularly.

By the time the first guests arrived I'd got it under control and was happily cooking away - I even got to have one side for veggie stuff and the other side for meat eaters.... I might have got a bit territorial about the bbq when my sister tried to use the implements i was using for the meat on the veggie side....

Anyway, the early attendees were those with children.... including my sister's best friend and her 3 year old twins, E and A, her sister, who also has twins (I and R), although they are nearly 8 and both have learning difficulties and I is  also deaf and partially sighted.  Then there was J the youngest at 21 months.... now the girls, E and R, had decided on proper party dresses, in E's case complete with fairy wings.  J had decided that he wanted to wear a party dress too... and looked splendid in his bright pink sparkly skirt..... the best thing in the world was that no one there turned a hair that he was wearing it (which his mum was saying is quite different to how her husband's family reacts if he's dressed up like his older sister).  It was more of an issue to persuade A that he needed to wear his trousers and pants under the chaps he was wearing, having split the cowboy outfit with I who was wearing the hat and jacket..........

Later on, after the children had gone home, there were further arrivals and a serious amount of proper ale and beer was brought out for sampling......  though beer is something I can't have due to the yeast in it.... not to mention that alcohol and antibiotics aren't a good mix.... I slipped off home after all the food was cooked ... though when I got there I realised I'd cooked but not actually eaten anything myself.... which, erm, means the only thing I've eaten today was that ice cream...... 

aside from all that, I've got sunburn......... my forearms, chest and face are rather impressively deep pink.......... time to go find the aloe vera gel ......