Critter Chaos......

Tonight I find myself repeating the mantra "I love my dogs, I love my dogs, no really I love my dogs"

Now I'll accept they are fed up with only going on short walks at present - because until I can get rid of the remnants of the cold (which is going quite fast now) I can only manage to stagger round the block with them rather than do a full morning's survey of the territories (or visit to the park...).  Whilst this was fine whilst I was home with them it obviously isn't acceptable in their tiny minds now I have abandoned them to go back to work.

Hope (trainee devil dog) has always been a pest about staying the side of the baby gate she's meant to stay since she worked out she could leap over it but today she has surpassed herself in managing to clear the gate at the bottom of the stairs (it rests on the first step so is a good 8 or so inches higher than normal... by the time I'd got upstairs she'd polished off the cats biscuits and was playing tag with Hugo in the middle of my bed..

Kammi (cute, white, butter wouldn't melt) has managed to find and destroy three of the cat toys ..... now admittedly this is also the cats fault.... if they didn't throw the damn things downstairs this wouldn't happen, but they think it's a fun way to wind the dogs up.

Ivan (who remains dim) has been by far the best behaved...... though if he thinks I am getting up at 1.30 am tomorrow morning when he really doesn't need to go out he's going to join the ranks of the unloved.

I'm not sure who emptied the kitchen bin today...... but I am holding them all responsible....

she was cute and innocent when I
first got her, not so much these days

and then there's Gretchen..... my dearly beloved special favourite...... hellspawn, devils minion and general all round evil little git!

and there was my new bank card, which arrived in the post today

but she got to the post before I did

and now my bank card is, well, artistically sculpted by teeth marks..... it will certainly never go in a chip and pin machine ... actually now I look closer, she's got her tooth right the way through the chip anyway.....

I've pleaded for a replacement, just have to hope it arrives before the end of the month when the current card runs out!

Comfort Zone Reading

Okay, so I was actually quite poorly over the last few days, during which time I have done, well, not very much.  Today I have been back at work, and I'll admit now it was probably a day or two too soon, but hey, you know, it was a choice of at work and ill or at home stressing the hell out myself and ill... I took the work option.

Whilst I wasn't up to doing much I reverted to a pattern of behaviour that I was most comfortable with... which mostly involves curling up with a book and reading.... and actually yes, it did involve a real book, not sure why but whilst I was feeling pants the Kindle just wasn't doing it for me, I needed paper and pages to turn.

Now, I will admit that I comfort read anyway.. that is to say I re-read old favourites all the time and I will read, for want of a better word "trash" ... the not necessarily well written, but easy to read, formulaic plot lines, nothing that's going to tax my brain kind of books ... which made me realise this weekend as I was reading what for some would probably be quite uncomfortable topics (including some plot lines including dub-con, bdsm, murder etc) that perhaps these topic should really tax my brain, but in fact the actual content doesn't really seem to touch me, mentally speaking.  So I got to thinking... is my comfort zone so far as reading material is concerned a little out of kilter?

I did some rationalising about this looking back on the various genres I enjoy reading... now okay, leaving the children's stories aside the main genres I read are

 

- crime.... which includes a fair bit of not for the squeamish murders/kidnaps/rapes/assaults (and as a complete aside, when the e-bay/e-book banning of allegedly dodgy content books was all up in the air... why did The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo get left out... because the rape scene and her revenge is extremely brutally portrayed and graphically written... )

- historical novels which contain lots of wars, bloodshed, forced marriage...

- M/M - which whilst mainly come under the title "romance" I have a tendency towards either those involving law enforcement, violence or some form of kink - I am not so much about the sweet and fluffy though I will read it and yes, I do like the happily ever after.

- fantasy - which lets face it can contain pretty much anything but normally a healthy dose of bloodshed (except in my case dragons... for a pretty die hard fantasy story fan I really have an unnatural aversion to dragons in my stories).... 

What I don't read is everyday tales of "normal" life... the upshot of which is - I really do read to escape reality.. well my reality anyway... all the genres I read tend to involve stories where I could not see myself in them so ultimately any reading material remains complete escapism..... and I am quite happy to keep it that way.

Ramblings of poorly ....

Ok, so my last post was optimistic... I didn't make it to work yesterday, mainly because when I bent forward to put the dogs food bowls down at 5 am and keeled over onto the kitchen floor I guessed it was a sign I probably was not fit to drive.  Nothing serious mind, just sinusitis......

Yesterday was a pretty unimpressive round of take paracetamol, wait 30 minutes, sneeze for another 30 minutes, then feel ok for a couple of hours before the temperature spiked and sent me either under the blanket or in front of the fan.... the dogs by about 2 pm where just rolling their eyes at me from their beds in a sort of way the expressed that I was simply disturbing them.  I spent most of the day reading or napping.

Today has been better... managed to pop out to the shops and pick up some essentials - but I am really seriously bored of soup, yoghurt and fruit juice..... anything remotely solid and well, I might as well just swallow razor blades for all the enjoyment I get!

In a Sod's Law moment the 10 litre bag of wood pellet cat litter I was manhandling up the stairs managed to split and cascade merrily all down them....... I sometimes wonder if I am cursed in some way......

As a treat, I did optimistically buy some cheesecake which I left on the side in the kitchen to defrost whilst I had a bit of an NCIS binge this evening.  Unfortunately, I didn't shut the kitchen door properly when I went through to the lounge, and, well.... Hugo likes cheesecake it appears... not so much as a single biscuit crumb was left for me..... but the cat is happy!

If he throws up tonight he will also be homeless!

Cough, sneeze, splutter, grrrr

Well, after a somewhat sleepless night in which I kept waking up to take notes of things I needed to double check before my meeting today, I am pleased to say that it went very well and was highly productive ... hurrah! see me earn brownie points!!

However, as I was summarising it for my boss I started sneezing... and kept sneezing... and couldn't stop sneezing... so I took some paracetamol and sneezed for a bit more, then started shivering and generally feeling rather pants.

So this evening I phoned my mother for sympathy... cos isn't that what mothers are for when your animals just look at you as if to say, yeah, stop sneezing and feed us... to be told "oh, your sister isn't feeling well either".  Apparently my sister "thinks" she's coming down with something so stayed off work today and won't go in tomorrow.... my sister works in higher education and they are a lot more laid back about taking time off than my employers are... so after I'd croaked down the phone for a bit mums said "you aren't going to work tomorrow are you?"  ... and, well, yes I am actually.

Now, here's the thing....I hate giving in to being ill, I hate being ill full stop, whether that is a cold or the facet joint in my spine suddenly popping apart and the nerves in my leg going haywire...so I tend to go to work no matter what.

When I got my current job (which will be 4 years ago come September) my employers were a bit wary as I am registered disabled... but I have the best sickness record in the whole team... in all the time I've been there I've had half a day off sick (and that was only cos you can't actually deny being ill when you throw up in the waste bin next to your desk!).

So this brings me to another point..... yes I am disabled, but yes I work full time, I don't scrounge off the state as it is so frequently implied that all disabled people do... In fact, I have other disabled friends who would give anything to be able to be in full time paid employment but suitable jobs with employers willing to take a chance on them just aren't out there... perhaps rather than making out that all disabled people are work shy they should actually look at employment opportunities for them and persuade employers to perhaps take a risk on a few!

Ok, mini rant over, off to find my duvet and the cat shaped foot warmers - thank goodness naked cats don't leave fur in the bed!!

Midweek musical moment...

This seems to come round faster each week!

Okay so I managed to smack myself upside the head to prevent myself from brooding about stuff I can't change so that's for the positive.

I posted a wee snippet of my LiAW story on the Dear Author thread (author... *snerk*  me!  no sorry still can't take that seriously) anyway, it seems to have gone down okay... still really nervous about it though.

Aside from that, my life plods along in it's quiet and boring way.... though Gina wishes to make it more interesting by trying to help with this post... or it maybe a plea for more interesting food, or the opening of the treat draw....

I have my fingers firmly crossed for my half daughter, who went for a college interview today and should find out in the next couple of week's if she's got a place... okay so yes, not my real daughter, but I am so proud of her and her family for all they've gone through with her Aspergers and autism to get to a place where it's even possible to have a college interview..... they come to visit in a little over 4 weeks and I am so mega excited.... particularly as I've not seen them since last October! (okay yes, I speak on the phone and on line most er, well days kind of, weeks definitely but it's not the same!)

Right must have an early(ish) night as I have a round table meeting with solicitors on the other side of a case I'm working on tomorrow which involves a day in a smart suit haggling over a rather large sum of money and I need to be awake!

Right, finally, music.  This artist is a fairly new one, and not only has she an amazing voice but she's a really inspirational person.  Eleven months ago she was involved in an accident and fracture her spine, badly.  She was told she was never going to walk again but defied all the medical peoples to do exactly that, and to return to the stage....

Trigger (un)happy....

Just when I thought I'd got my brain back on an even keel....

Ok, so I know what my triggers are for sending my head into the dark places and I'm usually really careful to avoid them (except the one in the supermarket which I can't always avoid as all it takes if for the cashier to start throwing things down the check out at me and I can't pack fast enough, then I get flustered and before I know it the shaking starts and if they won't slow down when I ask I end up with a full blown panic attack which usually involves fleeing the checkout and abandoning the shopping - which is a bit embarrassing.... a few weeks of home delivery of groceries and I'm able to try again.) ....anyway, I digress.  Today I got hit by a familiar trigger from an unfamiliar source.  

In my defence I wasn't looking at anything on the net in work time, I was actually looking at something on my phone over lunch, but an unexpected topic on something I usually read and suddenly "Bam!" hands started shaking and I had to go hide in the loo and persuade myself not to burst into tears.... I managed it, mainly by dint of telling myself not to be so bloody stupid!

Eighteen years of coping with this and you'd think it would get easier, but no, there is always something just lurking round the corner to smack you in the face.  Part of me wishes I'd just get over it already, part of me screams that there are millions of other women that have been through the same thing and gotten over it just fine....

I came home this evening and fell into a comfort read for a few hours and am feeling a bit numb but not so dark... I just wish I'd get over myself sometimes and get a grip! 

Weekend in a nutshell....

I have a new bookshelf!  Which is possibly the highlight of my day....

Yesterday I was grown up and went and did "ladies who lunch" followed by a trip to the theatre - ok, so that wasn't so grown up as it was to see the musical of Swallows & Amazons... which was really rather excellent and given that it is one of my favourite children's books (well series of children's books) I had been a bit kind of "erk" about it before I went.... What was interesting from where we were perched on the slip seats of the 1st tier in the Lyceum was the diverse age range of the audience.

As expected there were lots of children (with parents/guardians etc) but there were also a lot of older people... ie older than me people in groups, with friends, with other family members which was really nice to see and appreciate that a good book can span the generations, I could easily imagine some of the older people enjoying the books as children then passing them down to their own children/nieces/nephews/grandkids etc.... I think for me, if I was a proper author, that sort of longevity of a piece of work would kind of be the icing on the cake over and above any instant best seller lists/popularity at time of publishing achieved.

Today I was meant to do some work for my course... instead I appear to have read 3 books and been out and purchased a new bookshelf..... which given that bar about 3 books all the books I have bought this year have been for the (Smut)Kindle seems a bit optimistic.... but the evil cats from hell started throwing things off the top shelf of the book case next to my computer so I decided that it would possibly be a good time to reshuffle the books again.....

New book case is in the bedroom... so now just have to decide what genre is going to joint M/M and fantasy in there......