Saturday song.....

This was played a couple of times on the radio recently and I rather liked it.... and I like her voice.......

Cat wrangling .............

Alas, poor Hugo is poorly.... toward the end of last week I noticed he had a bit of a watery eye and was hearing the occasional sneeze... so he was kept warm and happy (roughly translated as he buried himself in my duvet and refused to come out unless food was involved) but alas by Saturday his left eye was gunked shut and he was mouth breathing and sneezing all over the place...... so off we went to the vets.....

by the time we'd got there I was almost completely deaf - for a cat that couldn't breath properly he couldn't half yowl at the top of his voice!

The vet and I pondered on the mysteries of how an indoor cat might get cat flu...... and then decided that on balance it probably wasn't .... so he had eye drops put in that turned his eyes a lovely florescent yellow.... to determine if there was an eye injury... there wasn't.... and then he had a small capillary tube put up his nose....... which he objected to most strongly.... but we couldn't flush out any foreign objects...... that said - have you seen how small a cat's nostrils are... I mean, it's not like a child... and they don't have the prehensile digits to say, shove lego up their noses.....

After some deliberation.... and hilarity as we tried to weigh him.... we decided that he probably had sinusitis and a course of antibiotics and eye drops were called for....

So twice a day I am cat wrangling....... the first phase of which is to actually find the damn cat........ do you know how many places I have upstairs in my house where Hugo can be just out of my reach??  I've resorted to climbing on things I probably shouldn't, hanging over the edge of beds trying to reach him as he hides in the middle underneath and even rugby tackling him as he runs past towards the door......

So far there have been variable successes...... though apparently he feels once I am in bed at night it's safe and he can crawl under the duvet with me and I won't get him......... I am not sure why he forgets that this works for me every time!

Then we come to the part where you have the cat by the scruff with one hand and are desperately trying to open the tamper proof box of antibiotic tablets with the other - that other being the one you don't normally use..... I've an interesting collection of scratches up one arm and on one side of my body from this phase.

Once I've got the tablet in my hand it's fairly easy to get him to take it.... well, I open his mouth, he looks totally outraged and freezes and I throw the tablet down as far as I can ......... he then swallows on reflex.

The eye drops are more fun.... particularly as there is no way of guessing how much of the damn stuff is going to come out the teeny tiny little tube as I try to keep him still, his eye open and drop the drops at the same time.......

All over I let him go...... and he moves precisely three paces away from me and waits for a treat......... and all is well till we get to do it all over again..... frankly by the time I've done this I am exhausted!  Thankfully only a couple more days of medication to go - we are off back to the vets on Thursday night to get the all clear - fingers and paws crossed!

It was September... I hid in a book or 30....

So, not really very surprisingly, I spent much of this month letting real life sneak past me whilst I buried myself as deep as I could in my Kindle.  Yes, it helped, though I am obviously still grieving - and becoming very familiar with 3.20 am when my mind is normally full of thoughts about dad and things I wish I'd told him - so blogging on general terms is going to be a bit thin on the ground for a some time to come.  Logically, I know that this stage will pass, but right now my brain and logic are not really on speaking terms.

So onto some books.

My favourites this month include the final installment of Kaje Harper's Life Lesson's series - Learning Curve - which rounded things off nicely without making it too sickly sweet and implausible as some other series finales have done recently.  Josephine Myles new release Junk was a really good read as was  Disasterology 101 by Taylor Donovan.  I am not normally big on vampire novels, but I really liked Spirit Sanguine and the short follow up.  Gumption & Gumshoes by Alex Kidwell was one of the eccentric reads that made me smile - quite a difficult feat at present so definitely worth a mention!

No real horrors - though Remastering Jerna was a bit of a let down and I didn't particularly enjoy Fate Lends a Leg though this was more to do with the editing which should have been tightened and perhaps removed a couple of the unnecessary plot lines.

So, the list in total (which includes a lot of comfort re-reads):

1. Life Lessons – Kaje Harper (r)
2. Junk – Josephine Myles

3. From Don to Dom – Naaju Rorrete (LHNB, Novella)

4. Last of the Summer Tomatoes – Sherrie Henry (YA)
5. Disasterology 101 – Taylor Donovon
6. Gamble Everything – Carrie Waites
7. Spirit Sanguine – Lou Harper
8. Late Night Snack – Lou Harper
9. Gumption & Gumshoes – Alex Kidwell
10. Running Deer and Hidden Badger – K.D. Sarge (LHNB Novella)
11. The Executive Lounge – Angela Benedetti (LHNB Novel)
12. Iron Butterfly – Mousegirl65 (PIFM)
13. Stranded – Andrew Grey
14. Driftwood – Harper Fox
15. Brownies (Hammer Short) – Sean Michael
16. Why I love Geeks – T.A. Chase
17. Measure of Devotion – Caethes Faron
18. Measure of Strength – Caethes Faron
19. Gilliflowers – Gillibran Brown (r)
20. Learning Curve – Kaje Harper
21. Remastering Jerna – Anne Somerville
22. Wild Magic – Poppy Dennison
23. Accidental Alpha – Poppy Dennison
24. Fate Lends a Leg – Jax Cordoba (YA)
25. My Fair Captain – J.L. Langley (r)
26. The Englor Affair – J.L. Langley (r)
27. My Relegance Rake – J.L. Langley (r)
28. Sticks & Stones – Urban & Roux (r)
29. Fish & Chips – Urban & Roux (r)
30. Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty – Mousegirl05

Saturday song....

Another one I've heard a lot on the radio recently and really rather like :)

Random little mumbles from a mixed up mind......

So, Friday, yeah, no, not going there in detail - save for the fact it was sad but we laughed  - particularly when the funeral director had to admit he'd forgotten to put the cd we'd burnt of music for the funeral into the car and had to run back to the office for it - thankfully we were the last funeral of the day so it didn't matter that we started 20 minutes late .... and that was just typical for dad, who frequently left home at the time he was meant to arrive at his destination.

My friends who I left the dogs with (and stayed with Friday night) were just wonderful... not only did they look after me and the dogs - including bathing all four of them which was above and beyond anything I'd expected - but they made sure that I had time to myself if I needed and lots of hugs.

I got home Saturday lunch time - and spent most of the afternoon asleep on the sofa - whilst a 400 mile round trip in 24 hours is physically draIining, the emotional cost got to me as well.  I am still feeling kind of absent at the moment and can't really connect with much.

This afternoon has been difficult.  I knew it would be.  You see, most Sunday afternoons - particularly on a Grand Prix weekend, about this time, the phone would ring and dad and I would have a nice long talk about life, the universe and everything.  I have the phone next to me on the table as I am typing this and part of me still expects it to ring any minute.... rationally I know it won't.... but I'd give anything just to hear his voice again.

I am also drinking my diet coke out of a pint glass from Preston Beer Festival 2000 - which dad and I went to with my best friend.  I have several pint glasses from different beer festivals from about 1998 to 2007, whenever dad came to visit, he tried to tie it in with a beer festival.  It was always amusing to go to one with him - it was the only place where I ever had difficulty spotting him in a crowded room and for some reason there were always a lot of middle aged, large, bearded men at these things.

It's the little things that seem to hit the hardest at the moment.  I boiled a pan of water on the stove this morning (not replaced the exploded kettle from Thursday yet) and put the water into my thermos - which was the present he gave me last Christmas... and will now always be the last Christmas present he gave me. It's difficult to pour boiling water from a pan to a thermos when you can't see for tears.

I know there is no timetable for grieving, but with his spirit and now his body gone I kind of feel in limbo.  I know it will get easier, that time will numb the feelings but won't destroy the memories, and I know that there are going to be huge landmines around special occasions when dad would have been there, but knowing all this doesn't actually make it easier.

Tomorrow I return to work - my so called holiday last week really didn't feel much like one at all.  Part of me wants to go back to work - I can hide in it and not think - part of me also knows that's really not emotionally healthy, but I think it comes back to coping - which is about as best as I can do for now.

Meh, sorry, these posts are rambly and probably make very little sense, but it's my blog and reflects part of my life - and sometimes those parts can't be all fun, critters and books.

Not ready to say goodbye......

I am all ready for tomorrow......... that is to say, my bag is packed, the car is set up, the critters are ready to be dropped off at the dog sitters

But in all other ways, I am so not ready for this at all.

How can you be ready to say goodbye to your father?

If I could cancel tomorrow I would.

If I could turn back time, or even hold it still so I never had to go through tomorrow I would.

I can't see how I will ever be ready for this and I am not sure I ever want to be.

And in real life...........

Because, aside from the whole horrible emotional mess of dad's death and the fall out from it real life has gone on whether I wanted it to or not..... some other bits and pieces about what has been happening in my tiny little corner of the world.....

- My colleague who was on maternity leave and came back in July has handed in her notice.... there hasn't been much said, but all of a sudden our team leader is passing me tasks to do with supervising the team's trainee... there has been mentioned that we will be getting two new starters soon in the team and not so subtle hints of me being the monitor for one.   I am really undecided as to whether I want the permanent position of deputy team leader or not

- I snuck off from work on Thursday afternoon for a couple of hours to do some important bits and pieces... in fact I took the time off to get my hair cut... which was probably not that important but it needed doing.  Now my hair is cut by a mobile hairdresser and friend of my mum's next door neighbour.  I let her have free rein to do whatever she wanted, my hair is horribly thick and I usually have just a bob at about chin length, but I fancied something different - so she cut in layers and made it very short at the back, but still falling round my face at the front... it looks nice.    Now whilst I was having my hair cut we (hairdresser, neighbour and I) were talking about grey hair and hair cuts and the hairdresser mentioned a client who had long grey hair and desperately wanted it cut short, but her husband wouldn't let her as he said she'd look like a lesbian (she actually used the term lettuce muncher) .... well I didn't think about it, I just replied, well yes, of course because we are all easily identified by our hair cuts........ there was a stunned silence and then a rapid changing of the subject by the hair dresser.  She was completely mortified, my neighbour was having trouble not laughing apparently but later on came round to see my mum and pass on apologies from the hair dresser who hadn't meant to cause any offence.  Now, in fact, she didn't, well not to me, because it's something I've had thrown at me for years "not looking like a lesbian"..... I am really not sure what I am meant to look like - I wasn't aware there was a special identifying look.... it's not bothered me for the last 20ish years ..... though maybe someone will catch on one day and I will have to surrender my lesbian card for not conforming to standards... I doubt it though.

- Autumn has definitely arrived.... the temperatures are dropping, as are the leaves.... the road is horribly slippery with wet leaves and I only narrowly avoided going arse over tit this morning when taking the dogs out... time to break out the heavy duty walking shoes I think.  In the meantime, I'm spending a lot of time in the kitchen with my lap top and Kindle watching as it gets depressingly dark before 8 pm.  I fear I shall be resorting to jacket potatoes and rice pudding as staple foods shortly - well it means having the cooker on for a couple of hours which helps keep the house warm (a bonus when there is still no central heating and the new boiler fund remains too low to register)

- I am not at work this week....... this didn't however stop me in a moment of organisation/stupidity prevent me from making my lunches for the next few days.........

I think that's about it...... I have to go sort my car out tomorrow as it's off to the garage for it's yearly road inspection...... fingers crossed it passes without costing more than it's worth!